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OMNICELL
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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People with no idea of the problem

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Nov 25, 2011 10:49 pm

Lately I was talking to a person that has worked with me in the past on Psych issues.
I was telling her how much better I feel, much different then I used to be. I was 100% disabled from my condition.

Although I still have same nervous system and the same brain, I have allot of healing and more peace then Ive had in a long time. I still have problems or conditions. What has changed is the way I look at them. The way I feel about them. And that my symptoms are down.

I have worked through many resentments , and have a better understanding of resentment at this point. I have a higher power that I work with, that helps. iT makes all the difference.

I have been to the desert alone. And had to rely on God the whole time. I mean this in a spiritual sense and in a real sense relating to many of the realities I deal with on a daily basis.

My life has been one giant struggle. The other half has been one giant prison camp Ive had no control over. Ive had no control over my life. The mental problems took over, clamped down. and I never surfaced again.


I know what it is like to die and be resurrected several times. This life has been a brutal affair.

----

As I mentioned at the top. I talked to a person that I worked with on my condition several years ago. I thought she was trained and understood the type of hopelessness a person like myself expects to experience on a daily basis. Not so.
In my conversations with her. She insulted me. And I felt quit put down and shoved off to the side. I felt this way because I brought up the idea of those suffering because of their illness. Their mental condition. And how horrible it is, especially when I think I have to give up, that theirs no one interested in me. Or anyone coming to my door to take care of me or save me from the insanity in my mind and nervous system. That death might result because theirs no way out. That when one is broken in mind, heart and spirit. One does not care anymore about going on with anything.

Her answer to all of this. " They need to pull it together". Or, " They need to grow up". The way she said it was worse then the words she used. It hit me like a brick. A random middle class cliche. I mention my story to this person and all I get back is how those that are poor and destitute with no way out just need to " pull themselves up from their weakness, that they choose to have, and start dealing with life like everyone else.

It was the way , the tone of voice, the arrogant body positioning , that got to me. I just stood their. It was despicable. I was talking to someone that thought it was alright that others should die that I may live as I wish... Horrible. Why did I even talk to this person. This person has no conscious. The only thing a person like this is interested in is making more money and making a name for themselves with the other people of popularity within the community.

They never ask any questions. They create their own opinions about me or about my condition. They jump in and try to take over. To over shadow with their own view points. Their not interested in mine. Even if its me we are talking about. My story....
I have to learn to let go and let God. Keep the conversation on them, don't expose anything about myself and walk on. That is the only way to stay safe in an unsafe world.
Im just shocked by people that have greed and power as their best interests. That greed and power are the best they can do. They cant do just a bit better then that and try being a human. I guess not. I feel for the broken hearted people of this world. Where will they turn. No matter what direction they go in. Their trampled under the worlds feet, and torn into pieces...

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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