| Psychology and Mental Health Forum | |
https://www.psychforums.com/blog/OMNICELL/index_sid-d0a75397ca1453bf6fd68c7d8ba65f3d_start-55.html |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Sun Jun 01, 2025 1:34 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | The beginning of setting out into society… |
The beginning of setting out into society… . So; in addition to my goals in general; . I have been doing service work in my recovery meetings; some of them are more middle class affairs; some fellowships are more like the wild wild west; and being a representative of these meetings; some of the biggest and busiest; Ive set myself up for INSTANT SOCIAL REALITY AND RESPONSIBILITY. . It was scary today… It was my first independent business meeting for one of my groups; and I was expected to be the leader. I did not know yet what I was doing; and could feel the all to com’n feelings of fear… Terror; REAL TERROR. In fact; This was a real example of what its like being a Dissociative with DID disorder; AVPD; Agoraphobic; Depressive; and so forth; what its really like to step out into society and deal with it again. It slams into my disabilities? Yes/No. Its very uncomfortable; Im so sensitive… and beat up in these areas; . However; what I want to share; This is the reason Im not in relationships… Its so hard to get into relationships; why I melt down before I ever get into any relationships… Everything is triggered. Im totally triggered from the past; everything… where I was thrown away…. Everything comes back… and then Im re living the hatred toward me; and being thrown away… Im reliving the fear and the humiliation. Im reliving all the fear and pain and loathing where I had no place to run and hide; nothing…. . It was truly fear when I had to start this meeting…… I was doing something real that I had no control over; How I looked or acted when I was put on the spot to run a meeting and I had no idea what was going on… I had to socially wing it… Not my forte . . RELATIONSHIPS… . Relationships are the same way; its easy to fantasize or talk about them; but as the time to actually get closer to people; I freeze up and panic… and do not feel strong enough or good enough to be accepted by anyone; especially with my problems. Im afraid I will be hated; spit on and treated like Im beneath them; dismissed… Because; The reality is; Im super weak; terrified in these areas completely. Im already super sensitive Artist type. But to put myself in an open position where I could be judged; in credible. However; Because Im in recovery and wanting my goals in reality; Im working with my Higher power co creating my life and that means I will be doing everything new.. And Ive just started socially; and its enough to make me want to puke. . However; working with God; This is what is required if I am to become a newer style person for the people I want to attract for my goals; the people God is sending me for support for my goals; or those directly involved in my goals or maybe they are the goal; regardless; Im getting a real taste of what its really like to step out into something new; into society; a real place where I claim I want real goals. And this is where it really starts… . . History; Ive been working with sponsors from groups and other support people for a while now; a few years as I make the transition from past recovery person to new more focused goal oriented recovery person… Today; Im going after my goals and those goals are in the real world. . Im going from a dissociative world protected within my imagination; into the real world where my goals manifest and transform into something real. . However; under the orders of my higher power; The first changes that have to happen; I must become a Caveman if I am to withstand society along with my mental disabilities at the same time adding my ambition toward my goals… This is allot on my plate. . And its began in the real world and a very real way…. . So; Im getting my feet wet again in the lakes of reality… And Im showing; altho Im petrified Im lasting. . And Ill continue. . Im now operating with God in the real world… Its a small segment of the world but its real… . As... [ Continued ] |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Wed May 21, 2025 5:19 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | Learning how to take action in my goal situations... |
I have many goals. Now it is time to focus on Gods direction and teaching on how to take action toward each one of my goals. . What does this mean.. . For example; Im on disability with mental health problems; They are bad and have been much much worse. I am better; they still block me but Ive been around 1000 years; Im an old man now; not ancient; but its creeping upon me. . So; No Money; Just a thought; that through study and understanding of how to Think and Grow rich; This thought or idea has turned into a desire; and now strengthened into a fortress within my head; a Jr Fortress; but a battle castle non-the-less… A very positive sought out desire. . What does this mean; its becoming a major positive obsession to have a house… So; Dear God; where do I start first… How do I take action; what do I do first… . What is the difference between action and say spiritual actions… . Real Action might be; The beginning processes of saving money for a house… The aligment of a way of making money as a beginner; at anything; all in aligment for that final desire of having a house. So; The idea of the House being under God; and The jOb that creates money being under the house… And Im under all of it praying to God on my knees.. under all of it. . So; First; I can see; I have to get under everything; humble myself so I can be a dedicated servant to God in this situation. 100% submissive under God; Completely. God is my Master; I am the student under my Masters care… and I must play the role and be the role of student under God in all earnestness and innocence; completely acknolleging; Yes; God is everything; I am nothing. God has all the power in this specific situation; Ill need to ask permission and garner permission from God to go any further with my goals. For God is the gate keeper; with out Gods permission I may not enter this realm that holds possibilities. . I have to bow down in all earnestness under God; the child in me has to bow down; and that is what Im working on. . And “ Taking action would indicate” Go rake leaves; go help someone with their gardening or do something else; shovel snow in the winter… Do something; because; well; I have a goal. I want something; and it requires money… I want a house and Im building toward it… one dollar at a time; One penny at a time… . OK; there ya go! That looks like taking action… Anything else. . Spiritual action; This would include; praying for what I want; meditation… Writing stories of what I want as if I already have it. Studying success based coaches on how to make money and succeed… . Another angle of taking action; . talk to House Realtor, find out real world prices… Study Realtor stuff online. Study house construction; buying land… What to look for to build a house; what about prefab houses on land… . What about mobile homes on land… Manufactured homes… . So; whats the problem with all of this; Well; I don’t think its just the price; not having the money; Theres something about setting down or settling for less. I have to trust God and get on my knees to appreciate the house God brings me; or allows me to be in. I have to pray for my home and the land it sits on as well and the area that home is apart of… . This settling down business has this feeling of dying; Like Im saying; “ Life is over at this point”. So is all the fun; I have to settle down now until the end… something like that. IF I settle down now; I shows Im accepting defeat of ever being a super star in this life or a super star in some other life… . However; Im smart enough to just get a house anyway and live my life… So; Ill try working toward that end… Ill work with God on this. . I want success; I do… Im realizing its accepting the present and the future; And that means those of the past wont be coming back; non of it; nor the time period. . Im really hung up on my past ti... [ Continued ] |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Tue May 20, 2025 12:36 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | THINK AND GROW RICH |
Goals. . . Im starting over; Literally; Im already in; Im there; Im here… Now what. Im half way like any new child into the world; Im in shock… Im just kind of here. Now what! What do I do now! Where am I… Im new! Im here as is. I have God and the success based work I do to move forward with faith in success based thinking. SO far; it appears to be strengthening my resolve and belief in success based goals; Goals backed by an education or science behind the goal process. And I believe in it. I have GOd... . Here I am. I have nothing; I have everything… ? I have an idea.... . Here I am…. . Its a place where I want to make great strides. This is that area of self actualization and competence I am combining under God; this dance bringing about the interactions of real change. If Ive been working on gaining settlement in Desires of the past; This is the time period of such things… If ive been working on Dating women again; this will be the time period… If I want a house; this will be a time period or if I want a drum room; This will be the time period for significant gains; Gains that take me over the starting line into the unknown into no mans land beyond no-mans land onto new lands and society where Foundations are built in reality and can be shown in reality; The building of something real on each Goal point will be proven… This is the time period of real things… to participate in reality. For this to happen; I have to become a society man within reality. I have to become suave. . If I want more money; this will be the time I prove it through work or some other means working with God. This will be a place or time of owning a car this will be a time of a new place to live associated with the ability to drum; meaning a drum room or a house; Something… Is this a time period of wife family children. I don’t know or; a real house; large house; I don’t know. Or complete economic answers to my desires; I don’t know… . THe Football Game; But this is the time period of not just planning for the football game; but This time; it will be time to put the team together and get out on the football field with other teams and play the game… Thats where Im at. Stressful is a good word for it; but with gaining a foothold in the realities of my desires/goals. . This means; a real development of a car; a house; or drum room; girlfriend… Money… It is now. How long is this season; it depends on how long it takes for these things to be established. The establishment of these goals determines how long this season lasts. What this means; It means working at things in the real world until they are completed. How long is a war? Its the same thing; its real; Im fighting for what I want and its real establishment foothold into realities... . This has to do with responsibility. And working with others… and working mainly with God and sponsors... . NOTE; Dealing with Rejection and failure... Dealing with rejection and failure; . Rejection and failure will be all over this thing… I mean; all over it; bloody with different forms of defeat, setbacks of all kinds; immaturities, running out of everything… rejections; betrayals… . All kinds of loneliness until I learn properly how to hit those goals; how to find the proper land for them and start the realistic building process. . Im very much like the homestedd’r of the 1800’s in my country who crosses the middle of my country to the other side looking for something better; starting my own ranch; building my own empire or house or family… Ill be building my own family this time… . And Im starting from nothing but a dream or idea and half baked broken disabled personality and mind… I have God and a good idea and a support group. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- . Im working with Gods ideas… and with Gods help and ideas; I make gains into reality again with... [ Continued ] |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Mon May 19, 2025 12:06 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | Goals are turning into; within; a pipe line |
Next level; . My Goals; . Goals are turning into; within; a pipe line; in similar direction; tethered together… Goals are showing signs of getting stronger; stronger; bunched together heading down the same track; in the same realm going from my imagination into No Mans land; out for No mans like into of present reality. Like a Pipe line of oil being transported; flowing from one state to another. . This means its been developing in my imagination. Goals have been struggling slowly appearing through much work in my imagination. However; Now; they are turning into real desires within reality. This; meaning, from fantasy realm to reality. This means Im getting strengthened in reality. This is important because the goals Im interested in are not in lolly lolly land; Disney land or The Fugi channel of puppets; or dark purple Unicorn land; Because my goals or being thrown out in an imagination and manifested way; there is a theory behind them; a planning strategy on how to think and grow rich; in an imaginative reality. . Goals; Suddenly they seem so much more strong. They seem more unified. And the desires for my goals are strengthened. In fact; I could say; The “ Real Desires”; The real inner form or structure of a desire; the real desire themselves have appeared; have appeared in reality. But not quite; they are being protected; they are not in reality yet; they are right outside reality houz’d in a special place; a spiritual vortex where they can develop. Think of a Car in an underground garage; where its been worked on in a safe place; engine overhaul. When the engine is ready to go; the car will be for the outside world… . In my 20’s yearly 20’s and middle 20’s; Well; something; I was living with Grandma and could not function; She paid for everything. I learned nothing; had no future; no interest in a future; no plans; My mind was hurt; damaged and I could not function… I was helpless… I needed to be in a nut house… . So; I was far gone and learned nothing; I had no one; nothing. No one cared about me; nothing. . So; here I am now after years and years and years of work; and an unuasual intersect is occuring; The concept of Desires; it has strengthened; almost like leveling up in a video game to a point of much more powerful; confidence and capable.. they are super charged; these Desires and they are all running down the same track together… and the end result looks or visualizes like a unison of goals all appearing and manifestation in the same back yard; and the backyard is a manifestation. . In addition to that or this; is the change in Wife perspective; Now; its much clearer of who I want as a wife; Someone who is inline with my goals. And some one sent from God; and someone who is a helper from God for the development of my goals… who wants to help; who loves me so much or adores me so much; They want to help me; and help me develop… God sent… . And this frequency of what Im looking for is coming from God; God is running everything; and running the show; Im simply tapping into it to allow God to show me what is going on; and Im getting it; and it reminds me of when I was a child and how I saw things innocently or was excited by things innocently; the future possibilities for my life. . This state Im in; Im becoming; secretly is the most of what I could have ever asked the universe for. Im becoming someone and somewhat of a hungry go get’r for my future; with all spirit and confidence to do so; to believe in my direction; Nothing could be better then this. . However; Im a damaged person; and this weighs upon me; and Im an immature person and this weights upon me; but in the case of maturity; To believe I can mature and develop into my goals; its happening right now; so Im believing Ill change; because Im already changing in that direction; Ive been changing in that direction. . In fact; The part of me th... [ Continued ] |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Sun May 11, 2025 7:55 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Drum stuff; This is the next level of the things Im working on |
Drum stuff; This is the next level of the things Im working on; Getting back my drumming is the next step… . Strangely but maybe not; I understand concerning my heart. That does not mean I have a girlfriend. But My heart seems to be aligned and Ive learned; like in the last few hours since the last meeting not to dissociate or that I have to; I could see the deep deep light from the universe; God Jesus; Holy spirit; align within the center of me And hold there… And I did… and it did… . And so I get it; I am to hold there; and with that; that attracts at that frequency; So; My heart is back… . . Drumming; This is the next step; It requires that I see myself in a whole new situation; a whole new place. So; I have to see myself in a whole other quantum leap. A whole other living situation. I have to work with the universe and connect to that new place; its mandatory that I get this part of things figured out. This means I stop being a victim. . A women came into the meetings yesterday; I had’nt seen her for many years; she said she remembered me because I was working on drumming then as I was now; she remembered me talking about drumming. . I shocked me because it kind of took the value of today out of what I was talking about. I was making strides in drumming right now; a bit more committed then before. She wouldnt have know this. . What was important? . Many years ago when I was talking about drumming; I was talking about everything being blocked; about 10 things; including drumming; creating and writing music; actually performing a piece of music in the public; singing; learning to memorize a song. Playing music with others… Creating Art work and putting it into a gallery setting of some kind… Having any kind of defined Purpose in life and Art… And many other things… . Since then Ive had a renewed interest in drumming. So; she is hearing about drumming again… . However; what she doesn’t know… . These things have been accomplished. . 1. Art creation; the ability; that means finished art and the ability to create it anytime I want…. 2. Music creation; the ability to create it any time I want… and finish a piece. 3. Putting a story with words music on a video channel on youtube… \ 4. Learning to memorize a song… 5. Art History and Purpose… meaning; I have Purpose; its starts with Art History… 6. Singing in public; and or playing an instrument in public with confidence loudly 7. Playing music with others; I play guitar with another guy; we have practiced and Im singing while doing so…. At his place; that means Ive left my apartment for new surroundings… . These are a few of them… However; One of the main areas or losses of my last life is drumming. This will require a drum room to practice in. And or; playing anywhere I can to practice and ending up playing live.. and appreciating it. This also requires a journey; a drum journey under God… That means drum pathways; starting from nothing. I call upon the universe for help to unlock pathways and opportunities for me to become drum self actualized. Ultimately it means a practice space to play drums… . A practice space to play drums. . This might be the biggest challenge Ive ever had… I can feel the fear and the unknown. I have to believe. Thats the first part of the work. Next; is getting rid of all doubt. I have to imagine Im in a practice room looking out the windows and seeing the world go by. With that feeling like Im already there. Im learning to assume Im already there… and that is the biggest hardest part… . But have to do it and learn it. If I want something new… and I do… I want something better for myself. I want my freedom back… . Under God; this is the next challenge or goal. This will take tremendous amounts of work… . . Other challenges; Im old; shoulders have tendentious; when that flairs up; no go; no drumming. So... [ Continued ] |
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