| Psychology and Mental Health Forum | |
https://www.psychforums.com/blog/OMNICELL/index_sid-aa9f1b62a608f11971c503ca6b398f2c_start-55.html |
|
| Author: | OMNICELL [ Sat Jun 07, 2025 8:48 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | Im a 12 year old who does Art… |
Im a 12 year old who does Art… . This is newest identity. This is the most modern identity of myself as new person… Im now checking levels and defining myself concerning a thorough investigation of self; Where Im at right now. Im a new creation under God; I Am ( Emotionly Maturity) A 12 years old in development and a Daily Artist. My Art ability is solid through out the day. Its present as I am present so far; The new me concerning Art; No problems! This means I can apply myself to Art, day or night, everyday from now on. I don’t have the phobias or blocks associated with Art as I have before. Does this mean Ill not have problems in the future… I do not know; but I wont have walls and phobias blocking me as before…. . So; . Ive developed and or put a name to the first Personality description of where Im at in my new life new person; Age 12; Artist.. Solidly of great value as a human being. And their it is… . . . So; I have to do the work to continue; . The goals are . W H C M . For my new self; . Wife; its starts with friends and then once that is developed; I toward girlfriends…. Meaning relationships romantically; This will be a while. . Im starting to show signs of making friends with others the way Im suggesting before a make a girlfriend. Im fairly solid at this time in this beginning of development for learning about friendships… Enough to call myself a solid beginner… I would say; Maybe more problems; but I would call myself a solid average beginner… Im doing Ok; Maybe well; concerning my goals; maybe not the standards of society would expect; but solidly beginning. . Ill keep working at this… In some ways; some parts of this friendship; Ive hit the wall and must grow beyond the limits of myself. I am at that point… In this area of development for girlfriends; Im not there yet; But Im right there; but have a No-Mans land in between I have to go through first; once coming out of this No_mans Land; I hit the earth; the outskirts of society again concerning it… That will be in the long run; It will be a while. Once that happens; thats the beginning. Once back in society again; a continuation of friendship development under God; and from there at some point; The level of frequency of girlfriends begins to appear on the horizon; Meaning, I would be heading into an all new level; at the beginning. But Im not there yet; and that level may take a few years to develop and actually get to a point of meeting women of the requirement of girlfriends. And even this would not suggest that I am meeting anyone; it only suggests Im down Gods pathway to that level of the beginning of this plateau; this starting point of new Plateau. This plateau may take several years to develop; I don’t know. Im at the place of 12 year old in emotinal development; and that is authentic and well earned; who creates Art work. . Now; I have to work with God to go beyond this… . Its as if the philosophy is over with; Ive made it to age 12 authentically and what I identify with is; Art! And thats who I am and all I am. Thats all I am for now; IF You meet me; thats all you get; nothing more. I am valuable and I value myself; Im a high valued person and this is who I am… My maturity development and my interest or calling or identifiable; My amurity earened is 12 years old. And Art… . So.. Their I am. I know who I am… . What Now. . When I was young; actually at 12 years old and thrown away from my parents; living with others; unfortunately; monsters…. . I took off one day to the bike shop and asked them for a job; I didn’t know what else to do; I wiped down the bicycles. I didn’t know what eles to do; I had no father; nobody; Nothing. I was thrown away. . So; I tried… But what is important; I went out into the real world… and tried something. . And Im doing that now. Ive had support to get to this point again; The 12 y... [ Continued ] |
|
| Author: | OMNICELL [ Sun Jun 01, 2025 1:34 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | The beginning of setting out into society… |
The beginning of setting out into society… . So; in addition to my goals in general; . I have been doing service work in my recovery meetings; some of them are more middle class affairs; some fellowships are more like the wild wild west; and being a representative of these meetings; some of the biggest and busiest; Ive set myself up for INSTANT SOCIAL REALITY AND RESPONSIBILITY. . It was scary today… It was my first independent business meeting for one of my groups; and I was expected to be the leader. I did not know yet what I was doing; and could feel the all to com’n feelings of fear… Terror; REAL TERROR. In fact; This was a real example of what its like being a Dissociative with DID disorder; AVPD; Agoraphobic; Depressive; and so forth; what its really like to step out into society and deal with it again. It slams into my disabilities? Yes/No. Its very uncomfortable; Im so sensitive… and beat up in these areas; . However; what I want to share; This is the reason Im not in relationships… Its so hard to get into relationships; why I melt down before I ever get into any relationships… Everything is triggered. Im totally triggered from the past; everything… where I was thrown away…. Everything comes back… and then Im re living the hatred toward me; and being thrown away… Im reliving the fear and the humiliation. Im reliving all the fear and pain and loathing where I had no place to run and hide; nothing…. . It was truly fear when I had to start this meeting…… I was doing something real that I had no control over; How I looked or acted when I was put on the spot to run a meeting and I had no idea what was going on… I had to socially wing it… Not my forte . . RELATIONSHIPS… . Relationships are the same way; its easy to fantasize or talk about them; but as the time to actually get closer to people; I freeze up and panic… and do not feel strong enough or good enough to be accepted by anyone; especially with my problems. Im afraid I will be hated; spit on and treated like Im beneath them; dismissed… Because; The reality is; Im super weak; terrified in these areas completely. Im already super sensitive Artist type. But to put myself in an open position where I could be judged; in credible. However; Because Im in recovery and wanting my goals in reality; Im working with my Higher power co creating my life and that means I will be doing everything new.. And Ive just started socially; and its enough to make me want to puke. . However; working with God; This is what is required if I am to become a newer style person for the people I want to attract for my goals; the people God is sending me for support for my goals; or those directly involved in my goals or maybe they are the goal; regardless; Im getting a real taste of what its really like to step out into something new; into society; a real place where I claim I want real goals. And this is where it really starts… . . History; Ive been working with sponsors from groups and other support people for a while now; a few years as I make the transition from past recovery person to new more focused goal oriented recovery person… Today; Im going after my goals and those goals are in the real world. . Im going from a dissociative world protected within my imagination; into the real world where my goals manifest and transform into something real. . However; under the orders of my higher power; The first changes that have to happen; I must become a Caveman if I am to withstand society along with my mental disabilities at the same time adding my ambition toward my goals… This is allot on my plate. . And its began in the real world and a very real way…. . So; Im getting my feet wet again in the lakes of reality… And Im showing; altho Im petrified Im lasting. . And Ill continue. . Im now operating with God in the real world… Its a small segment of the world but its real… . As... [ Continued ] |
|
| Author: | OMNICELL [ Wed May 21, 2025 5:19 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | Learning how to take action in my goal situations... |
I have many goals. Now it is time to focus on Gods direction and teaching on how to take action toward each one of my goals. . What does this mean.. . For example; Im on disability with mental health problems; They are bad and have been much much worse. I am better; they still block me but Ive been around 1000 years; Im an old man now; not ancient; but its creeping upon me. . So; No Money; Just a thought; that through study and understanding of how to Think and Grow rich; This thought or idea has turned into a desire; and now strengthened into a fortress within my head; a Jr Fortress; but a battle castle non-the-less… A very positive sought out desire. . What does this mean; its becoming a major positive obsession to have a house… So; Dear God; where do I start first… How do I take action; what do I do first… . What is the difference between action and say spiritual actions… . Real Action might be; The beginning processes of saving money for a house… The aligment of a way of making money as a beginner; at anything; all in aligment for that final desire of having a house. So; The idea of the House being under God; and The jOb that creates money being under the house… And Im under all of it praying to God on my knees.. under all of it. . So; First; I can see; I have to get under everything; humble myself so I can be a dedicated servant to God in this situation. 100% submissive under God; Completely. God is my Master; I am the student under my Masters care… and I must play the role and be the role of student under God in all earnestness and innocence; completely acknolleging; Yes; God is everything; I am nothing. God has all the power in this specific situation; Ill need to ask permission and garner permission from God to go any further with my goals. For God is the gate keeper; with out Gods permission I may not enter this realm that holds possibilities. . I have to bow down in all earnestness under God; the child in me has to bow down; and that is what Im working on. . And “ Taking action would indicate” Go rake leaves; go help someone with their gardening or do something else; shovel snow in the winter… Do something; because; well; I have a goal. I want something; and it requires money… I want a house and Im building toward it… one dollar at a time; One penny at a time… . OK; there ya go! That looks like taking action… Anything else. . Spiritual action; This would include; praying for what I want; meditation… Writing stories of what I want as if I already have it. Studying success based coaches on how to make money and succeed… . Another angle of taking action; . talk to House Realtor, find out real world prices… Study Realtor stuff online. Study house construction; buying land… What to look for to build a house; what about prefab houses on land… . What about mobile homes on land… Manufactured homes… . So; whats the problem with all of this; Well; I don’t think its just the price; not having the money; Theres something about setting down or settling for less. I have to trust God and get on my knees to appreciate the house God brings me; or allows me to be in. I have to pray for my home and the land it sits on as well and the area that home is apart of… . This settling down business has this feeling of dying; Like Im saying; “ Life is over at this point”. So is all the fun; I have to settle down now until the end… something like that. IF I settle down now; I shows Im accepting defeat of ever being a super star in this life or a super star in some other life… . However; Im smart enough to just get a house anyway and live my life… So; Ill try working toward that end… Ill work with God on this. . I want success; I do… Im realizing its accepting the present and the future; And that means those of the past wont be coming back; non of it; nor the time period. . Im really hung up on my past ti... [ Continued ] |
|
| Author: | OMNICELL [ Tue May 20, 2025 12:36 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | THINK AND GROW RICH |
Goals. . . Im starting over; Literally; Im already in; Im there; Im here… Now what. Im half way like any new child into the world; Im in shock… Im just kind of here. Now what! What do I do now! Where am I… Im new! Im here as is. I have God and the success based work I do to move forward with faith in success based thinking. SO far; it appears to be strengthening my resolve and belief in success based goals; Goals backed by an education or science behind the goal process. And I believe in it. I have GOd... . Here I am. I have nothing; I have everything… ? I have an idea.... . Here I am…. . Its a place where I want to make great strides. This is that area of self actualization and competence I am combining under God; this dance bringing about the interactions of real change. If Ive been working on gaining settlement in Desires of the past; This is the time period of such things… If ive been working on Dating women again; this will be the time period… If I want a house; this will be a time period or if I want a drum room; This will be the time period for significant gains; Gains that take me over the starting line into the unknown into no mans land beyond no-mans land onto new lands and society where Foundations are built in reality and can be shown in reality; The building of something real on each Goal point will be proven… This is the time period of real things… to participate in reality. For this to happen; I have to become a society man within reality. I have to become suave. . If I want more money; this will be the time I prove it through work or some other means working with God. This will be a place or time of owning a car this will be a time of a new place to live associated with the ability to drum; meaning a drum room or a house; Something… Is this a time period of wife family children. I don’t know or; a real house; large house; I don’t know. Or complete economic answers to my desires; I don’t know… . THe Football Game; But this is the time period of not just planning for the football game; but This time; it will be time to put the team together and get out on the football field with other teams and play the game… Thats where Im at. Stressful is a good word for it; but with gaining a foothold in the realities of my desires/goals. . This means; a real development of a car; a house; or drum room; girlfriend… Money… It is now. How long is this season; it depends on how long it takes for these things to be established. The establishment of these goals determines how long this season lasts. What this means; It means working at things in the real world until they are completed. How long is a war? Its the same thing; its real; Im fighting for what I want and its real establishment foothold into realities... . This has to do with responsibility. And working with others… and working mainly with God and sponsors... . NOTE; Dealing with Rejection and failure... Dealing with rejection and failure; . Rejection and failure will be all over this thing… I mean; all over it; bloody with different forms of defeat, setbacks of all kinds; immaturities, running out of everything… rejections; betrayals… . All kinds of loneliness until I learn properly how to hit those goals; how to find the proper land for them and start the realistic building process. . Im very much like the homestedd’r of the 1800’s in my country who crosses the middle of my country to the other side looking for something better; starting my own ranch; building my own empire or house or family… Ill be building my own family this time… . And Im starting from nothing but a dream or idea and half baked broken disabled personality and mind… I have God and a good idea and a support group. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- . Im working with Gods ideas… and with Gods help and ideas; I make gains into reality again with... [ Continued ] |
|
| Author: | OMNICELL [ Mon May 19, 2025 12:06 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | Goals are turning into; within; a pipe line |
Next level; . My Goals; . Goals are turning into; within; a pipe line; in similar direction; tethered together… Goals are showing signs of getting stronger; stronger; bunched together heading down the same track; in the same realm going from my imagination into No Mans land; out for No mans like into of present reality. Like a Pipe line of oil being transported; flowing from one state to another. . This means its been developing in my imagination. Goals have been struggling slowly appearing through much work in my imagination. However; Now; they are turning into real desires within reality. This; meaning, from fantasy realm to reality. This means Im getting strengthened in reality. This is important because the goals Im interested in are not in lolly lolly land; Disney land or The Fugi channel of puppets; or dark purple Unicorn land; Because my goals or being thrown out in an imagination and manifested way; there is a theory behind them; a planning strategy on how to think and grow rich; in an imaginative reality. . Goals; Suddenly they seem so much more strong. They seem more unified. And the desires for my goals are strengthened. In fact; I could say; The “ Real Desires”; The real inner form or structure of a desire; the real desire themselves have appeared; have appeared in reality. But not quite; they are being protected; they are not in reality yet; they are right outside reality houz’d in a special place; a spiritual vortex where they can develop. Think of a Car in an underground garage; where its been worked on in a safe place; engine overhaul. When the engine is ready to go; the car will be for the outside world… . In my 20’s yearly 20’s and middle 20’s; Well; something; I was living with Grandma and could not function; She paid for everything. I learned nothing; had no future; no interest in a future; no plans; My mind was hurt; damaged and I could not function… I was helpless… I needed to be in a nut house… . So; I was far gone and learned nothing; I had no one; nothing. No one cared about me; nothing. . So; here I am now after years and years and years of work; and an unuasual intersect is occuring; The concept of Desires; it has strengthened; almost like leveling up in a video game to a point of much more powerful; confidence and capable.. they are super charged; these Desires and they are all running down the same track together… and the end result looks or visualizes like a unison of goals all appearing and manifestation in the same back yard; and the backyard is a manifestation. . In addition to that or this; is the change in Wife perspective; Now; its much clearer of who I want as a wife; Someone who is inline with my goals. And some one sent from God; and someone who is a helper from God for the development of my goals… who wants to help; who loves me so much or adores me so much; They want to help me; and help me develop… God sent… . And this frequency of what Im looking for is coming from God; God is running everything; and running the show; Im simply tapping into it to allow God to show me what is going on; and Im getting it; and it reminds me of when I was a child and how I saw things innocently or was excited by things innocently; the future possibilities for my life. . This state Im in; Im becoming; secretly is the most of what I could have ever asked the universe for. Im becoming someone and somewhat of a hungry go get’r for my future; with all spirit and confidence to do so; to believe in my direction; Nothing could be better then this. . However; Im a damaged person; and this weighs upon me; and Im an immature person and this weights upon me; but in the case of maturity; To believe I can mature and develop into my goals; its happening right now; so Im believing Ill change; because Im already changing in that direction; Ive been changing in that direction. . In fact; The part of me th... [ Continued ] |
|
| All times are UTC | |
Powered by phpBB © 2002, 2006 phpBB Group www.phpbb.com |
|