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Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1036
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1134)
- January 2021
Another break through
   Fri Jan 15, 2021 4:51 am
bulling and apologizing
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 9:17 pm
My work; to get up close in my imagination
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 7:17 am
Get right with God; God is saying
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 1:02 am
The message about the sociopath
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 2:24 pm
Moving forward
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 4:53 am
Beginning to move forward
   Fri Jan 08, 2021 5:11 pm
Im alone again; things are changing.
   Thu Jan 07, 2021 10:17 am

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I have a hidden agenda

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Nov 24, 2018 1:04 pm

In the recovery process; its been about getting better; and getting personal power back in my life; that is happening! I have a friendly universe I turn to and work with for success!
The people around me are small town people; dont know me; have no idea what my agenda is and dont care; they see me as a weakling; perfect! could not ask for anything better; its kept me incognito.
Im now getting better aquatinted with the universe! Im trusting more and seeing more results! My ability to trust the process of success with the universe is increasing!
Ive put up with allot; but I have to be careful! the people Im around are stupid naive and immature! This is not good; not to reveal to much about myself!
Im simply trying to go home! I did not have a home when young; it was all exploitation! Im now working with the universe to have a home; first i have to feel like Im already living in a home; feeling safe and secure! ITs working slowly!
Im learning how to manifest my dreams and my life! I say this literally! like a magic man or magician! Im learning how to garner the powers of the universe and use them against me! I mean; for me! Things are not perfect yet; Im still angry and still taking things out on myself!
Because Ive had a higher agenda; Ive no had to many relationships of any value; Ive stayed to myself; Ive had many offers; but was not interested; I had more of a concerning to get better and get out of the situations I found myself in; regardless of the recovery rooms or other places; Ive felt like a fish-out-of -water in this place; this town; with these people; they are not my people! Im in a foreign place! Friendly at first; later; not so friendly! IT becomes controlling; the small minded small town people want to take you over; waist of time!
I stay in my own world and dont let others know what Im doing here! ITs mostly about therapy! nothing else; However, its appeared to be other things!
Im slowly digging myself out of the endless caves I found myself in; and I was lost in those caves for a long long time! I wanted to be lost and never come out alive! Now; I have the tools to come out of those caves!
Is it worth it; its been a long long time coming; is it worth the work to get better; Yes; its worth i!
I have one goal; Im in the season for one thing now; plant specific goals within my mind; hold on to them; study them all day long; getting better at focusing on whats in my mind and not whats outside my mind; distractions! The goal; remind myself of my goals every minutes of the day until it becomes a normal way of life; concentrating on my goals; I continue until I see thoughts turn into things! The goal is to hang on regardless of whats going on in the outside world or in my head that distracts me from my goals; the goal is to hang on to my goals focus on them within the center of my mind! Stay steady! Keep at it; keep it up until they appear into the real world!
When younger; this is all I wanted; I wanted a safe place to build my internal goals! Now I have that process; its a challenge; However, the universe has proven its a safe place for me; Now; I must move forward through my limited beliefs and go beyond the hurt throbbing walls of my childhood; where I dropped dead from over exposure of neglect!
I have to opportunity now; Im attempting to hang on and learn how to make this happen; It will take a long time; meaning; Im hanging on to my goals for the long run; I want to see them turn into reality in front of me; This requires that I hang on to my goals and work on them everyday regardless of how I feel for that day; some days I believe and some days I dont; some days I want to take a chance and some days I dont; I have to keep at it regardless of how I feel or the back drop of negative thoughts that attack me; thoughts of neglect and desolation! And if I keep at this; Ill make it!
I have this place of dissociation; its that place that people give up; collapse and go back to self death or self defeat or drinking or what ever; I have to go through that place where the child had no choice but to give up when young; I have to go through that; hang on through that storm an make it to the other side; like seeing a tsunami coming; hanging on through the storm as it hits the beaches and resort hotels; hang on; make it through and watch the water reseed back to the earth for which it came; back until dry land is once again! Im now calling upon those things in the ocean that will esteem me; by doing this; I also call the storm that hinders me; so; the test is coming!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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