July 2025
June 2025
Blog;
Things are changing…
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Figured out that past individuals of interest are basically people I was jealous of… I was angry at because I was jealous of and didn’t have what they had and they wouldn't give me anything of what they had because I was of no interest; I was not part of their families… I was a stranger so I was outside the box…
And I was sore and devastated about it.
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I angry because they had safety I didn’t have; they had mother/father I didn’t have; they had a house that was manageable or safe or workable; a place they could develop at or within; I did not have such things; They had support I had no one…
I guess I wanted them to save me or give me a chance. But they didn’t. Why should they; I was not a relative; and they never came to me; I was a complete stranger. I would have said hi and moved in. I mean; thats what really would have happened. I was not really interested in being their friends; I wanted what they had; that was my goal… I didn’t care who they were.. It meant nothing to me… zero….
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I was desperate and needed help… and so I was reaching out to those I thought had things; I mean; like safety and a people who cared about them…
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But it never worked; God did not sanctify such situations…
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I realized after doing many 4th steps on these people; That they owed me nothing; I was never suppose to meet them in the first place…
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I realize now after working with God; that its possible that God can now take me where Im at and kind of mold me into the kind of person that I can learn how to do some thing for myself under Gods care to get the things I want…
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I mean; that natural state of development that people go through when young; I never went through it; it was pulled from me long before….
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The point is; I was suppose to go down a God pathway and work with God and let God manifest and bring the right people and places and things working under God. I was not suppose to go side quest things because I didn’t trust or work with God. Im suppose to learn how to do that; Work with God first; Its the horse before the cart…
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MUSIC;
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Im very interested in memorization of things; This is a monumental change. And it appears to be consistent. Meaning; Im all in on it; it seems. No resistance yet. Im going very slow. It may take a year to memorize something but Im Oke with that… I have no problems with it it seems; we will see; Ill take it a day at a time. If I have to take 1000 days to memorize something or see change; Fine; No problems! So-be-it….
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So; This is tremendous… Its an awareness of coming back into the world of commitment ability. I cant say it any better; faith and purpose. And its all under Gods sovereign state.
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So; I know have much more faith about these type of things. I mean; I believe first and then things happen; thats kind of whats happening here…
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Theirs much more depth to this then Im leading on about. What does it take to be a Nuclear engineer… or scientist or composer. Or anything else of great intellectual work within a school system; Well; IT takes dedication; it takes memorization. If Im willing to memorize until Ive got everything down. Thats a sign of thoroughness… And completeness. And with that attitude I cant loose. Meaning; these are the conservative values That Im aligning with that are showing up in my spiritus personalititus…
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So;
Here are 2 things somewhat solved…
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1. I have to right to move forward with my higher power concerning relationships ( maybe God is ready to let me move forward); However; Ive done greater more complete work lately.. So; we will see.
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2. Ive moved into become willing to be responsible to learn something with a thorough fashion of completeness…
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Those are 2 big areas of change..
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All under God; Down Gods pathway; Amen.
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