July 2025
June 2025
Goals; update;
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The goal is a drum room; Ill keep looking into it…
Drumming everyday until its all I want to do all day long
Soulmate; All I can see; things are maybe looking; The door is opening; to what yet.? . I wont say anymore then that; I don’t know… I just don’t know. But I know……
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Car; it was mentioned by a close person; Laws of attraction; Ill pray and write stories; maybe. I have to believe...
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Bike; I want a new bike… Im a mountain biker; been that way for 25 years…
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Sometimes; a bike can cost as much as a newer car; so……
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Family; creating a family… Hmmmm………. All I have to do is believe… things are…….? Could be… I wont say; I don’t know… Im watching right now! Im just watching… watching inside my self… I know but I don’t; but I don’t want to say…
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Money
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Place to shoot off fireworks; Got it. Wont worry about a family members house where I will never be invited. And more n more they arnt really like family…
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Revealing God; seeking God…
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Manifesting through God; Trusting God; Trusting the process; its sounds like a truly incredible thing; would never even consider it with out at least 5 different 12 step fellowships where I could visit meetings any time during the day and supper time… and early morning. I need all the support I can get to learn how to live out here in society land.
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Right now; Im learning how to believe.
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Im learning to pray on my knees to the cross and letting anything from God; God wants to bring; God brings; let it fall from the tree into my realm and I stay out of it; out of the outcome; Just keep getting on my knees to the realm and shrine of God; and start with that… and just keep doing it over n over n over… Focus only on the cross and nothing more; no other thoughts then the intent.
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Meditation.
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I have about 10 prayers from the AA Big Book; and I use all of them one way or another; reciting them to myself all day long…
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Bikes; Im getting on fixed; but I want another; I just do; can I justify the price; NO! But YES; Ill have to take it to God… and let God manifest it. Amen.
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So; hanging on to God right now; learning to manifest through the cross of Christ… That means I bow down before it and pray and just sit before it; I imagine the shrine of God is on a mountain top and Im at the bottom of the mountain; the steep cliffs… Im on the ground; the shore… Im looking up then my head bows down in reference as I burry it in front of me with my hands palm out onto the ground; and I pray by Thanking God a million times over n over; And “ Your will Go not mine”; I million times over n over n over; and I attempt to clear my mind and see only the cross above me within my imagination.
I am to humble myself to my God; And by doing so anytime Im in trouble; by praying first before I imagine a thing; putting the horse before the cart; I will imagine it; the feeling; and I know in the spirit world what I want; and when I feel that desire; I get on my knees first before I think anymore about it; and pray to the cross… And let God do his work. And he is…. And let it go and wait…
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And miraculous stuff is what Im waiting to see… Ive seen things unfold when Im praying the way Im suppose to…
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Im learning how to manifest right now; to really believe…
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Take God with me; Ill need to; Things are changing.
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Things are changing….
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Women;
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Ive gone way past….. into another realm.
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Ive been interacting and growing and being show’n how to grow up and understand and communicate the language of women. Ive become a little popular… and Ive touched allot of hands and had allot of hugs… “ Friends for life” “ Friends for life”. This is how girl( women) talk! And they touch allot… But then I want to touch back… I streak my fingers against their skin… building momentum is easy…
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And then come the other girls; The ones I went up to; and they began to minister to me and hypnotize me. So; I went back for more when I saw them on other days; and I got their phone numbers. But alas; they would always do something; ruin everything and that opportunity would be gone for them.
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However; something strange happened. A maiden-lass; she began to open up to me when I had been opening up to others. And suddenly I was not here anymore; I was in the universe with lightening arcs… and when her hand and my hand touched; explosion of frequency occurred. We were on an astro plan; both our universes collided. And very quickly it was if we knew each other. I had never noticed her; altho a very attraction women; suddenly we both wanted to talk to each other and help each other and communicate to each other… I was a bit stunned by it; suddenly I walked toward her and said; “ lets get together and talk; maybe go for a drive or something.
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The next few days; she ignored me… and was a bit rude to me. But then the third day; in a vast room seated.. I found myself in a formidable social situation. I was the popular man out. I just kind of walked into it pre set. And momentum built and my name was opened up around the room.
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And thats when it happened!
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Another women called my name in admiration. Suddenly a women from the middle of the room did the same; as if she had laid stake to a claim; and had known me. Had known me all her life. But she hadnt. This was the first real conversation of any kind and she initiated it.
She began to ask me my month of birth and decided what it meant in the stars; and it all started from that… and this and that. Finally slowly I walked over to her; asking permission. I got closer and walking up to her; I shook her hand and said “ do you want to be friends”. She said yes. And then I asked for her name on paper and her phone number. I also said I knew little about cell phones; that I would rather call then text… That phones scared me…
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Why is telling her about phones important? Because; when young; I learned the horrible sad lesson; if I don’t tell the other person who I am not; they may think Im someone Im not; and that could get me dumped. Its happened before…
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I noticed something else about this person; this girl; from the start; when are hands touched the night before; suddenly I kept seeing her in wedding dresses in my imagination; it was as normal as eating watermelon. I did not stop. It was door that was open; its as if I had traveled into a door away; dropped down through it; it thing of gravity pulling me inward… and within that vortex; another universe or parallel level of choices existed. In that realm we were married or about to be married and she was wearing a wedding dress and eating wedding cake…
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I got her number; and went home and waited a few days; then got the courage to call her; Nothing in this life has been so hard…
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I knew when I called her; everything in my life would become new and re arranged. It would mean I had met the match of the past and I had made it through the tunnel. It means I had come back to full presence for I had faced the past by taking chances in the present. I had won; thats what happened.
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What I broke from in the past; God had resurrected in me in the present; I had matched in the present what I had broke from in the past. And these 2 worlds were coming together and finally the past had been satisfied and I found my self solidly in the present because I had earned it.
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And Now I could move forward in the present… And I began to…
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I had talked to my sponsor for hours about this. I was taking the past and burning burying it into the present. But it could not come into the present; so it burned away much like smoldering fire.
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Here I was living in the present again and this time with women; lots of them added to my tribe of experienc-ors.
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Thus whether knowing it or not; I had been creating a reality within the present field and I had been living it and growing and developing and going beyond for a few moments now.
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Suddenly at home; I knew a Giant quantum shift would erupt if I called this girl. Once calling her; everything would change; for this moment separated the past from the present for ever more. For I would have collided the present. That past would be satisfied and have no more purpose for me to linger.
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And with much prayer… I called. I just sat and called out to the worlds… the worlds I had no seen; I just looked up and I meditated….
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Now; This meant; I had matched the past; I was back… I had gone full circle.
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I got used to this for a few days; the accomplishments; but I never really thought it would go into other worlds… Would she call me back. I doubt it; I did not believe. For the call was put into that ever evaporating condition of third hard-drive saved.. never to be heard of again; it has been shelved and I assumed; I had just been ghosted and fooled all along.
I was upset; I took off on my mountain bike to the cemetery; this is where I ride where its quite; where the ghosts are…
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And I did so. I was depressed… I did not think I had a chance with this person. But something kept driving me on as I prayed.
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I came home…
if one can call this a home.. its more like a garage…. Im oK tho; no one owes me anything. Im Smiling; Im OK! If I want change; Ill have to do it myself…
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I was depressed and had been suicidal that last few days; For several reasons… and at a meeting they saved me; all 40 of them…
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So; I came home; I didn’t bother looking at the phone; and after a day; took off for the cemetery. When I came home; I meditated and talked to God… Nothing made any sense.
Why was this girl involved in my life; for what reason if all of this was fake. I just sat there…
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I prayed hard on this; and suddenly an idea came to me; focus on a wife and children that I want; focus on this concept; this idea and presence; imagine it; imagine this in front of my sponsor while talking to him; they are their with me…
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And I prayed on the end fulfilled; the assumption they were their. And with a vat of courage; This time I texted her. This took a bit of guts.. and just sat there. I took of for the cemetery again. I went riding around.
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When I came back it took awhile. Suddenly another text appeared; this was someone else checking on me; curious. Not disappointed.
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I went back to my ghoul pics online and kept creating my fantasies of ghost women… but thoughts began to come to me from the universe and I began to see a pull; God was pulling me. I looked down at my phone and I heard it; someone was texting me; It was that girl; it was her. She told me she had seen my text just then. She said she had been tired and asleep and missed my call.
It seemed now; all was in unison in my heart attack. I felt fine… I realized I had moved into the next dimension.
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I will look into that bike I want...
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