From Single to Non Single.
.
First let me say; all things are under my higher power and I start with prayer and meditation under my higher power.. This is very important; all things taken to my higher power and worked through and asked of my higher power. And my higher power brings those who qualify. I don’t have anything to do with that part of things. They are attracted; not to me; to start with; they are attracted to my higher power. And they are attracted to the higher power that is in me. So I must be inline with my higher power so that they may see the higher power they are attracted to; they may see it in me… The attributes of my higher power the qualities of my higher power. This is the journey whether I like it or not.
.
THIS IS NOT A FUN JOURNEY! I CAN FEEL THE FEAR AND TERROR>…
.
As for women; This is not a journey about women. This is a journey about my manhood. I now seek to go from a position of self that was a state of mind of single to Non-Single.
.
This does not require women; this is about a mans journey facing forward and going on a journey.
.
This is about working through grief of a past. I have done so. A treaty of peace or neutrality has occurred from the past; However; It has been under the guidance this time of God the whole time. And because of this; a peace has occurred.
.
I guess its kind of like a divorce. I guess; Ive never been divorced. One might like the other person but cant live with them… So they divorce and move on… And that is what Im doing; a treaty of neutrality and peace with those people and places and things of the past; And now Im moving on.
.
What kept me single? GRIEF!
.
Now; Working with God and aligning with God; Ive worked aligned with God and God has helped me out and is helping me out. God shines on me like a star-sun. And thus the grief has been worked out ENOUGH. Its not perfect; but its perfect enough for God. God smiles… And God gives me the Go -ahead to move on. God is my Mother and Father; And has has given me the go ahead to move on.
.
My new journey is about going from a state of Single to Non-Single.
.
A man who is non single in nature and spirit and intellect; he can date 10,000 women; Hes all about interacting with women and dating correctly in the right ways that make sense under God… meeting new people. And having girlfriends and more and marriages if that make safe sense under God today. Its about soulmates UNDER GOD! Shes my best friend; my helper; FROM GOD! UNDER GOD…
.
She is created by Gods energy.. She is attracted to my energy because my energy comes from God… But it is God she is attracted to and feels safe. And if I have that energy from God; it is that energy she is attracted to…
.
So; those things about a womens position on who they are under God; Gods energy and such; Fair enough; but Im not even in that position to be worrying bout that.
.
Im on a journey; A journey going from a meeker boy to man; manhood… Under God… God always sovereign over head. All things are taken to God first to go down the journey… As I go down the journey.
.
This is an unknown journey.
.
SO; It begins when it begins.
.
Please understand its still horrible; moving forward when I have a past; come from a post; its just possible when before it wasnt possible. Now it is…
.
And FEAR; Man o Man; Do I have Fear! I can feel it.
.
So; Ill be starting this at some point because; Ive earned my way up to this point and this is my starting point…
.
A kid that earns his way through the 6th grade. They don’t put him back to first grade. He starts out where he legally finished off; he starts out with what ever comes after 6th grade. Can he prove it; Yes! Hes or she has earned it ( They) have earned it.. They start out where they can show proof that theyve honestly earned.
Under God; Ive honestly earned the right to go to the next level up concerning dating and moving from Single to non single status… Being part of again in the arms of women? Yes! Relationships. I know what it means…
The problem is my rebelliousness. I havent stayed under Gods care in the past. I was not listening to God nor Gods instructions… Now Ive had a chance to reconsider. So now; Im willing and we will see what happens.
.
So; Im on this journey under God. And parts of this journey are going to hurt more then others; some will be terrifying. Im going into gaps along the journey Ive never been through. Im scared to death of these gaps. Ill have to really work with God on these…
.
Im going from boyhood to manhood on some respects.. some areas… growing again. Im blind and have no idea but God does. So; it kind of starting for me; the idea of all this… Or from Idea to beginning starting point in reality. Actually Im at that starting point right now in reality…
.
Im thinking of someone who I can bring in as Sponsor helper for this to help me along the journey of this; someone to work out questions on paper and someone to talk to bout it weekly; We will see..
.
.
So; It begins…
.
First let me say; the goal with God concerning new relationships; I had to get over past situations with people. My infatuations misunderstandings, situation-ships or introduction-ships that went on n on. .
And something I suffered from;
.
Parasocial relationships are one-sided relationships, where one person extends emotional energy, interest and time, and the other party, the persona, is completely unaware of the other's existence.
.
Ive had forms of these from the past; in delusional situations caused mainly by mental health dissociation problems.. Very schizophrenic like. To a point that I thought I was actually building toward developing with someone to a point of marriage where in reality; that was not the case; nothing existed. My mistake… Really! Ive had several situations like that. The girl had no interest in me. I didn’t know… I was building something on a false front. No base.. didn’t know…
.
.
Ive worked with God to come to a peaceful resolve of the past; its happened; its a kind of neutral position; I don’t have to close the door on the past. But its got little to no value over my present goals and dreams and situations Im interested in. Its got nothing to do with them because the past is worked out…
However; I might have to do more work on Activities from the past and how theyve affected me…
.
12 step groups; Not needed as much these days accept to check in. However; Ill be looking into working with a sponsor on my movement forward concerning going from single to non single status… The journey in between this……
.
So; God is doing for me everything Ive wanted; I was told by God; once I worked through the past concerning specific relationships I could move forward with development of new relationships; meaning; relearning; new journeys to get me up to speed and maturity in new relationship ability.
.
So; Ill pick a date; maybe tomorrow and start this journey with God and whom ever God wants to help me… As Ive mentioned; Ive prayed about this guy who could be a good sponsor for this kind of stuff…
.
.
ACTIVITIES:
Now; activities are starting to fire up. “ What Keyboard”.
.
Because of mental health problems; Ive never been able to do anything with music art or writing; just kind of dabble around with it; not much more; never being able to get into it to actual finish a completed song or anything I would perform. Ive never been able to work on a song long enough to make it perform-able.
.
So; Im interested always in believing if I buy something new; a new piece of equipment; it will set me in the dream; and Ill be able to created and finish something. So; Im interested in the right musical keyboards. In a perfect world; Id have 3 of them… or something… I don’t know… I don’t know; Im working with God on what these things might be that I need.
.
I am proud of myself tho… I called some online shops and found out what to do if my equipment breaks down. Where I can get help with it; that was important to me…
.
.
So; a vision of God and up to speed on it. Ill keep working on it; creating new narratives and writing new stories as if I have all that I need and I feel fine… So much so God brings me the things I need… I manifest them…
.
Now its about staying under God and working with God on all things; That is the test here..