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OMNICELL
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Consumer 6
 
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Faith or a lack of

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Jun 15, 2022 7:44 am

Im now dealing directly with Faith or a lack of as a problem...
.
I watched a famous preacher on you tube; he talked of faith; right down my ally way...
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Im noticing a blank spot or gap somewhere about 3/4 in through a pathway; it had no platforms to continue; meaning steps... Its blank. My pathways only go 3/4th the way.
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I remember when this started and why; trauma; being abandon and trauma shocked when young... all that I lost at an early age; my identity...
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So; Im trying to work with God to deal with all of this. The goal is to get over it? That sounds a bit shallow; maybe another word will do for this trauma.. Im trying to force God to wake up and help me get through it so I can move on... jump over the wall that is holding me.
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I have goals. My dissociation is holding them back. I cant move forward if Im not here. I dont control dissociation. I can try to be grounded and I can learn to replace or over ride what Im thinking; replace it; or just start thinking positive new things in the face of it; and thats what Im doing; creating new neural pathways.
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I have to learn to believe Im getting what I ask for; and there it is... I have to learn how to do that; have faith; thats what Im working to learn how to do... in the face of my past. It almost puts me to sleep; dissociative sleep.
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Ill keep studying it.
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If I want a truck; I have to believe its all ready come. I asked for it and I got it; I have to believe its all ready delivered to me when I asked for it. ANd this part is not so easy for me.
..
I am getting to the point that its about Faith... Ill keep watching and studying faith.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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