September 2025
August 2025
emotional independence; don’t expect anything in return…
I can feel good about myself regardless of what others think about me….
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Owning my own words; owning my own behavior and my energy and body language without appologizing for it.
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While noticing and responding to her subtle flirting cues…
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Writing about all of this triggering everything; dissociative disorder. All of it…
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Interactive stuff with women… I can feel it.. Its putting my knocking me out… passing out..
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This up close personal stuff.
Sexual abuse is part of the problem.
Flirt while displaying attractive behaviors….
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If Im feeling confident in an attractive way; it will work better.
Its more about how I say it; whats behind it… This is where I have problems… Dissociative disorder.
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Say this; So where are you taking me on our first date…
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Slowly opened up to a young women; much younger them me; Im an old man; so everyone is younger then me.
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Attractive women; I opened up to her and her to me; flirtish talking and inner dialog of some depth and curiosity langquage; good conversation. Im practicing; Im purposely bringing things up like; Im working on relationship stuff; Can I talk to you about it; And she says; Sure! And their it is.
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However; This person has a boyfriend; and the conversation somehow Got stopped.
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The fact she has a boyfriend; ( She is someone who I think took interest in me a few years ago); I think she was thinking about it. But I could never get close to her or anyone else. Now; that is changed.
So; Im starting to use the techniques Im learning on building attraction and interest in someone; building it toward me… and its working; Assuming the other person has some attraction. And this is good.
However; The conversations only go so far; So far! I am practicing.
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NOTE; She has a boyfriend; What this means to me. Well; Heres the deal; I start out conversating with people in general as I did with her; The needs to change at sometime working with God as I gain more confidence. The pathway must turn toward places of single people. And Im really not ready for that yet.
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Im just barely getting a small small hold on reality.
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Confidence in the real world is needed and I must work with God to get more development. Talking to women is a great great idea and what Im looking for.
Ill pray about it; For that is the corner stone of what Im talking about.
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NoTE; This women I talked to; Ive talked with her before a few times the last couple of months; She is someone I secretly liked and wanted to go out with. I was attracted to her. What does this mean; It means; my confidence is starting to show up or get me around women I was more inline with and interested in… and this is an example. This is Good Good Good; For practice.
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Ill now ask God for many many many more opportunities for practice with the intent of it building my social skills and intimate conversation skills; That means getting into really deep meaningful conversations with women where Im really feeling it and letting my self go so I can be me around women. And there it is.
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The word practice is what comes to mind here under God; lots n lots of practice with women;
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At some point when feeling better about myself; Id like to graduate to single women; and then the idea of single women I would be interested in. But I can hardly handle that idea. Amen.
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Our partner
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