July 2025
June 2025
Blogs;
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To paraphrase;
For awhile; accepting the new reality of being present in present reality; as Ive been accepting reality as it is in the present. Im slowly moving back into reality now as is…Back into society. Im moving more into reality in the present now; Its about an acceptance. Im getting acquainted. Im coming back to reality. Im coming back into reality; back into society.
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Many changes have happened; These are from God. God is preparing me for a new life into reality; a life based on God and my immersion within God; back into reality. God is my Mom and Dad. And God has been taking care of me and God landed me slowly into reality in the present ( that is what is going on now). And this is basically what I asked for. This is what God has been protecting me for…
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God is slowly helping me as I trek into reality. For Im only in reality; Im nowhere else. As for the past; the ( The past), is not required. Im fine in the present; Me and God! Im fine… In fact; Im becoming literally self actualized; My goals are on the future; My attention is on getting those goals.
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Most of my time is put forth onto my goals for the future; becoming what I dreamed about.
What does this look like? I have many areas of interest… mainly pertaining to occupational style things; For example; Callings and Purposes; All of this starts with Arts; Anything associated with creating stuff; Creating music, Art, and writing And videos that present this creating Music Art and Writing. Other areas include relationship building. So; I have many goals; Not millions but a choice several few… All talked with God… All between me and God.
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Here is a real example: For years;
I wanted to learn how to play guitar; for 2/3rds my life; I always wanted to learn how to play guitar; I tried a few times; and wouldn't go beyond a few chordal attempts. And finally after dreaming about it for long enough; I set forth to properly learn how to stick to a goal; and after several years; finally; I was committed enough and desperate enough to really attempt a try at playing and learning guitar; and finally after numerous months; change started to occur…
I simply grabbed the guitar over n over n over; picking it up and attempting certain chords or barre chords until finally after months of practice; guitar playing began to materialize. And then; 3 strait months of attempting the F Barre chord; and suddenly without warning; it happened; I could play it; No other feeling in this life is so grand then to know I maid it into the guitar world; I was able to play the F Barre chord; the door to the palace was opened; all I had to do; walk through the doors.
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Note; One of my dreams? To walk into a music store and try out the guitars; try them out because I could actually play a song or 2; I wasnt just a 2 chord wonder.
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My big goal in life; what truly causes excitement in the imagination, is to become an Intermediate guitarist. What does this mean?
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What kind of guitarist is this? This is a guitarist that can work in a band as a general guitarist; some lead playing and rhythm guitar. This is someone that can Lead-sing and play the guitar at the same time as rhythm guitarist…
This is a guitarist that can play scales; basic lead guitar playing; knows several songs complete including lyrics… And they can figure out most rock songs; the chord structures; that they can recreate them. In other words; They can play Rhythm guitar position in a real band; including any basic live set up for guitar… So; they can play with other musicians in a beginning band as basic guitar player;
That is my goal.
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And Im on my way slowly toward believing this will happen. It only happens with practice and effort; nothing else. Im always working with God; God is never far away; God is who I pray to all the time and God takes care of me; I am helpless and powerless and God takes care of me.
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Ive definitely made it past the Novice position with Guitar; Im looking like a very strong beginning student positional attitude. As student; I don’t have a real teacher; life is my teacher… and some of the other musicians I work with are teachers.. YouTube is my teacher…
I play with other musicians in a beginning band… I play once or twice a week on a regular basis with other musicians. I sing and Im learning songs to play live. I play basic rhythm guitar. I want to expand on that to include some soloing with the basic rhythm guitar playing. And I spend almost every day practicing to these songs… and singing. And Now; I would like to memorize some scales. Ive played some scales; fooled around with them; Now I would like to memorize some scales so I can use them in a practical sense while playing in a band; That is the next natural goal. Thus; self actualization Is occurring.
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I worked with God to get over the past; much of that if not all of the death grip the past had on me is gone. Sexual abuse is still present in my mind; PTSD and mental illness. However; for the most part; the past is nothing.. The present is all there is for me and the work within that present with God to build a future; a future built on goals…
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One goal of extreme importance; I wanted to go back to the age of 14 and recreate my life before I destroyed it. And God has allowed that; and with much work burrowing in toward God; bowing down to God and showing God my obedience; I am slowly forging a direction only toward God; Gods direction is my direction; Gods direction for my life as a choice is my direction; However; its like grinding through concrete right now to get to this other side; this new trail where God lives. Its happening and breakthroughs have been occurring.
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I wanted to become an Artist; get back my Artist self. This is happening in a real sense; Im literally becoming the Artist I used to be. Im getting my power back; this is from the Universe… The power is from the universe.
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My identity as Artist is coming back.
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God has brought me a Work Ethic Identity; something I can fall back on; something I never had before…
Lately; God brought my authentic purpose back to me; this concerns Art History. The first thing I do in the morning is get up go to the computer and watch Art History shows; with the purpose of learning more about Art and creating again.
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Am I a very good Artist. No; No Im Not! Im not very developed either; but Im OK with that!
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I can draw the basic outline of a tree and color it in; fill it in; Oke; if I want more; Ill have to learn more. I never learned properly how to shadow or create perspective. I don’t remember learning anything about color management. But I like doing it; I luv doing it.. I love making Art work.
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Best thing I can say is to just do it first.. create Art first then; want to do more with it. Thus; Its the Horse before the Cart. If Im always drawing or painting something; creating something; I always have a rich history to turn back to or work on. So; its the work first… Show it by working at it.
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For the longest time I had no purpose; but God answered that; answered it in Art; Music and; Well; Ill have to work with God on writing; The purpose of writing; what Is it God… Why am I writing… >
Ill work with God on this.
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Food;
I wanted to change my diet so I wouldnt gain weight through food; that has happened. It took allot of upheavals; It was all God… but it happened… I had to go through a few warning signals but I made it. Alarm bells went off; but with the proper help and nudge by God all is well now! Back to peace… For Now!
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Relationships;
This is my focus now. The number one issue is; Bow down before God; bow down enough times until I am helpless under Gods care and I know it… And I look up to God as a little kid looks up to his parents; and waits… One must wait upon God. One must wait upon Santa Claus.
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God is in control; not me. God is the power; I pray to that power for help. And I wait… And that is what I have to learn to do concerning Women; concerning girlfriend and finally a Wife; assuming God ordains such things in this present time period; Or the equivalent. And with enough God; I think God will but Im always asking… What I have to learn; to learn to bow down. When God is the only one I can ask… Then things start to happen. They happen when I believe.
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NOTE: The ultimate goal is to believe; Believe in what ever God is bringing me or I desire for God to bring me.
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I have to believe; And thats what Im learning how to believe; And God will bring me the tools and techniques to learn to believe.
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Dear God; please help me.
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Money; this is another area of belief.
Car; This is another area of belief
House; this is another area of belief…
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Friendship; This; altho very ruff; it is happening… However; Im having God monitor such things…
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NOTE; becoming what I want to attract; this is on the agenda to work with God… if God so wants such things for me… I am under Gods care… God is in control, and Gods army protects me.
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So; Much of the work Im doing is bowing down to God in reality or in my imagination and or both; all the time and always concerning going in the direction of God.
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For example; if I want a Wife; it will be in the direction through God; Thus; I must work with God and how to go in that direction with God. And that means Bowing down; Over n over n over n over n over!
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I have to bow down to God for what ever I want; I may have to do this 1000 times before I get it. Before I understand; God comes first; its the Horse before The cart… there is nothing else here; this starts everything.
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I bow down and then I wait… because only God is in control. But I have to grow up and learn this and practice this until I see results. And that only happens when I completely give myself away… And Im accepting reality; God is in charge here… I go to God for help for what want as if I cant get it myself; because I cant. What I want is only offered by God. So I have to go through God..
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The goal is to get on my knees and work with God; for what ever I want; That the power of God moves me forward. God moves me forward closer to my goal when I have completely given myself over to God… Where Im not in control anymore; where Ive been put in my place and I get it…
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The idea is; I become what God has in mind for me. I have to become the man that God wants me to be if Im going to receive the manly level stuff God has for me. Ive asked for things that only a Man can truly handle or appreciate. However; Ive done it from a boys; and a broken persons point of view; Thus; If I work with God; God will show me the pathways that get me to these tools and techniques and support to become the person I must become to be at a frequency level to receive what God has for me.
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And Im on that journey now; What am I doing on this journey; My journey is; I bow down before the cross Of Jesus; Im below it; Jesus shrine is above it. That is all the lesson God wants to show me right now; until I bow down enough times to make this completely; a completely submission 100%; No GO. However; I get to practice this over n over n over until I get it right; and God will help me 120% to get their down this journey of submission to God. God wants me to succeed… And will continue to help me as I continue to put an eye on to God/Universe/Jesus/Holy Spirit…
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So; to reiterate my position;
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1. To become painter Artist As I remember I wanted to be when 14.
2. Under Gods direction completely submissive to God; pleading and asking God for help; because Im helpless; Im asking God Universe for a Wife… SO; Thus; to become ready for a wife; the kind of man I have to be to receive what God is set upon giving me… I match the frequency of what God wants for me!
3. Money
4. Learning to believe I will get what I ask for… it starts with belief… God giving me tools and techniques for such things. House car Money.
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5. Family is part of it; Mom n Dad. God plays those roles. Lets say I want or need support… So; Dear God bring me the protection I need; amen…
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Other areas of need or concern or growth.
Music and Writing abilities… and purposes. The purpose of writing; I need that; Please help me God. \
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Dealing with Stalkers or law breakers that harass me at times. I need to become the kind of person that wants to deal with that… that gets stronger and deals with it. Ill ask God about it; and bow down to God about it…
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So; Ill start with those….
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I have to bow down to God for what I want….. over n over n over until I completely believe God can and will do this for me… that God is the power that can and will help me… Where Im not God. Because thats all this is about; I get put in my place and finally get right and in aline under God. And or before God… in my place before God! Amen… And Im in my place all the way through from start to finish of what ever it is Im trying to accomplish or what I want… up unto the end of what I want; God is still in Gods proper place as God above me… it never changes; and there it is; God is not just an opportunity for me to believe once because I want something; I don’t use God as an opportunity; instead I ask God for help and God stays the same height in life. Gods position does not change. I do not use God; instead; I ask God for help in all reverence. I live my life on earth in my place; God lives Gods life as God; not my business. But I can ask for help all the time…
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