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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (947)
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- July 2019
Real changes are occurring
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:46 am
Coming back into the present
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am
Im extremely frustrated
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:14 pm
Fining myself or facing myself
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 8:39 pm
Im beginning to understand
   Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:30 pm
Visualizing
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:28 pm
Starting from the beginning
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:35 pm
The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:15 am
Massive Mega paradigm shift
   Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:01 pm
First post recovery conversation
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 9:55 pm
Dating and Art
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:44 pm
movement
   Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:56 pm
childhood abandonment
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:23 pm
Being single
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am
Preview: PTSD; High School
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 10:31 pm
Fear
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:34 pm
Ive found some answers
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:41 pm
D.I.D; let me introduce myself
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:23 pm
PTSD; dealing with triggers.
   Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:32 am
Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:25 pm
critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

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Being around abusers

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Dec 12, 2018 9:33 pm

I find myself repeating my childhood everywhere I go! I end up finding the same kind of people that molested me and hanging around them and trying to appease them by being friends with them; even tho they treat me badly! and they are bullies! Im looking for more bullies to associate with because its all I know! I was never able to get beyond them; work past them! instead; I had to appease them and people please them to stay alive! and thats what I do now; no matter where I go! Its horrible because it happens now! continues to happen!
.
Because of passive aggression; I end up saying hello to these people; I dont walk away or run away or avoid; I feel scared and frightened and end up going toward them physically out of passive aggression and saying hello to them; trying to act like their my friends; in reality; I hate them but Im scared to death of them because I think Im 13 again; and they are stronger and bigger then me and I cant defend myself and theirs no one there to protect me! meaning; no family system to protect me politically or legally! Nothing! Im completely alone! And Im alone in the world and Im suppose to stand up to these bullies; cant do it; Im petrified and scared! Its also, the only way I know how to get attention; hang out with people who have no respect for me and treat me horribly!
.
So; Im looking for my abusers; in fact; their the only type of people I know how to have a relationship with!
Im truly scared to death to reach out to anyone else; Im afraid anyone else would never want me or accept me!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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