Our partner

User avatar
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1051)
- April 2020
Next social level is revealed to me
   Fri Apr 03, 2020 8:55 pm
New Social capacity; from anti social to getting help
   Thu Apr 02, 2020 5:22 am

+ March 2020
+ February 2020
+ January 2020
+ December 2019
+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

At the lake and the next morning

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed May 14, 2014 5:29 pm

First; as of tonight; Im working hard to interact with other people! Its slow and gruesome, but the job is being done. Im close to being able to walk up and start a conversation on my own! Im not fully present, but its a start!

And its a start of independence! This is important.

But dealing with people is hard. Im rarely around those that take me for what Im worth; I get played. They don't know who they are talking to! Its all about them! I am taken for granted! Im under appreciated and not understood! it sucks!

Im not at the point of taking control of the situation! Im not present enough!

When dealing with others, Im finding I cannot be self absorbed or they are left out... secondly, how do I explain Im on a disability for anxiety And DD! when they see me on my mountain bike with nice free ride clothing! They do not understand the hidden world of long term PTSD! and other problems. They certainly don't understand the social security system! You can't just " get on and get of" the system! once you've been found to be disabled, you have to learn to get in or out! and live with the results. The best I can expect money wize in this life; she likes me around so much Im a keeper for her! and is willing to put up with the money hardship! Its possible; thanks to the lunatic weirdo guys that make me look better then what I am; Lunatic guys that abuses and neglect women make the rest of us look like a good catch or pic!

Im looking forward to having more confidence around women! This happens with practice! This happens with continual study!

It takes practice!

The meetings I attend have saved my life! the people at the meetings are not safe! you never know what your going to get! its a mixed bag! And some sub social clicks within the groups are ruthless and pathological!


People are the goal; women specifically, its about not being alone! ITs about human connection! staying connected. learning to connect again!

Im going to the lake again! I asked this girl, this morning. ITs still hard to face things,, face people!

I have to tell this girl Im only interested in being friends... This is all new to me!

only a few years ago, I was still locked up in self, and locked in my rooms! rooms of my mind!

With my studying, Im starting to get a better picture of women! That I can reconnect again!

The idea is; reconnect into the middle! Im coming from isolation into the middle! That means facing the past!

The past is gone when I start moving forward.. Im starting to inner connect! its slow, and its extremely hard! and extremely hazardess! its extremely difficult!

Confidence is a strange strange thing! its like floating on water!

I have to work my way into a new way of thinking; No fear! or deal with the fear! The fear comes from many angles;

1. Not feeling good about myself!
2. Feeling sorry for myself
3. Feeling that Im no good
4. feeling that Im worthless
5. Not understanding how to feel good about myself in close proximity with others!
6. not knowing how to communicate with other how Im really feeling! and this is next on the agenda!
7. freezing in freight when I'm around someone I like! much like with my parents before they abandon me!

8. Learning slowly; this is not PTSD land, this is the real world and I have some freedoms that I did not have before!
9. Facing the possible fears that do not exist!
10. facing relationships and rejections.
11. facing rejections; I think she likes me! I find out she has a boy friend or a husband! How do I deal with this! the child in me crumbles; the child in me is in PTSD land! I can't help but bring the child out, and the child gets slaughtererd. I still live in a dream land! Im attempting to reconnect by way of chances!

I am reporting the chance taking Im willing to work through! and I need an audience; its a healthy thing to need; its a sign of social health! and I'm trying to get healthy by working my stuff out online with a group of viewers

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 11752 times

Who is online

Registered users: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, KingsleyHere, MakersDozn, Maxx222, Tyler, Zelenacsa, Zelenaxqp