The title explains why I haven't written a post in a while.
This is my 3rd attempt to write a post, but whenever my screen needs refreshed or I accidentally touch an advert I lose the lot.
It's hard enough trying to word a coherent post on my phone without it suddenly vanishing.

I was going to talk about addiction and lovers I think but my creative drive has taken a nose dive after writing this out 3 times over, so I am going to take a caffeine, nicotine and "other" break. Then, come back to it...

I should probably mention I suffer regular night terrors, at least three times a week I wake up screaming and shaking violently having to change my p.j's and bedding cos it's soaked with sweat. I rarely remember them, only occasional flashes of images of something smooth and white and organic in shape. Occasionally it's post apocalyptic crap, which my shrink informs me, that contrary to my belief, isn't that common at all. Who knew? Really I only mention this to explain the title of my blog.

So where did the crazy start? Well from my earliest memories there were to overwhelming feelings, the first being that my emotions were to big for my physical body to encompass. That they were a physical thing that could overpower me at any moment. I never knew what might spark me off and once it happened I was helpless to stop it and bring it back under control. This did infact lead to me being sedated as a toddler, because I once raged for over 24 hours, no food, no drink, no sleep. My poor mother had to push me in a buggy the five miles to the nearest dr.
Sometimes I was angry, upset and sometimes just over enthusiastic.

The other thing was the overwhelming sense of not belonging. I don't just mean I felt this with my family or friends. I mean I felt displaced, like I belonged in a diffrent worl or plane of exsistance, and the more I read stories about other worlds and places, the surer I was that I was not meant to be apart of the human race. Certainly not here, on this planet, in this time.

These two sensations have never left me, and I have taken many steps to try and cope with, or hide from them, but they never leave me fully.

I have ummm'd and ahhh'd about just what I wanted to include here and I supposed this would be as good a place as any to chart my journey on and off the wagon, a place I could dump all the rubbish that clutters up my head day to day.
Also I have just become involved after 7ish years of being single And content with just myself and my family.Normally I wouldn't keep a running record of something like this. But he is a registered sex offender, with issues of his own, that coincide with my own. His offences related to his partner (not children for any who might be concerned.)I might explain more about that as things progress.(wip)