JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! (The Schizoid Manifesto)



Don’t like nobody
Looking over my shoulder
Or under my skirt

Don’t like to listen to crap
Or dish the dirt

Don’t care who it cripple or kill
Or hurt

Just leave me alone!

Looking at me like a watchdog
Someone to worry, to hassle, to gnaw on
Please
Go find yourself another bone

Just leave me alone

Do I ask you what you do?
And what you don’t?
What you will and what you won’t?

Like a ghost you need someone to haunt

Find someone else to try to possess

Please just

Disappear with your constant needs and perpetual distress

Just leave me alone!

Open the door
Walk in
Close it
Turn the key and lock it
Breathe
Once again you are free!

A Party of One.

This space is not a vacuum
Empty
No….
It vibrates
And in that silence there is the sound of freedom
My favorite music

You want and need to share
I do not.

My thoughts and feelings do not need to be aired
To become concrete and real.

Their value does not come from your approval or acceptance

It comes from me and mine.

It’s MY party – A Party of One

Tell Old Pharaoh


Living and leaving
Everything behind
By itself
Complete on its own

Sustained like gravity
By an invisible force
We are propelled
By perpetual emotion
Toward our inevitable end
And a new beginning

Life is spinning like a top
And we hold on
Trying not to get dizzy
And drop off
Or
Drop out
Of human existence

Human bondage
Increases
Our cravings
For a spiritual freedom
Tell old Pharaoh……

To let my spirit go!

BALD


One day after many days
Of observing bald men

I looked in the mirror
Picked up a pair of scissors
Cut off all my hair
And finished the job with a few drops
Of shampoo lather and two disposable razors.

Then I washed and rinsed my scalp
Leaving it slightly damp
Gently rubbing some baby oil
All over my head.

Smooth. Shiny. Bald head.

I felt absolutely fantastic!

I looked like a cute age-less
Enigmatically sex-less baby

No more curlers, hair coloring, relaxers, spray,
Gel, balsam, or whatever!

Now I have been bald for almost eight years.

It is my secret….
One that I enjoy in the privacy
And comfort of my apartment.

When I have to go out and interact with the world
Outside my door
I wear wigs that I change
According to my state of mind

No one really knows what I look like.

But I do.
And I like what I see….when I see. Me.
Bald.

A Typical Schizoid Moment


Last year when Franco
Called from a cancer ward
Saying that he was dying
And would be dead
In a few days

I was silent.

My only thought: What am I supposed to do about it?
He continued to speak and said that
This would be our last chance
To speak in this lifetime.
He said this because he knows that I believe in reincarnation.

So I said, yes…. it was our karma to have met
In this life time and that I hoped that his doctors
Would ease his passing
And help him to leave his body painlessly
He said: “Thank you.”
I said: “You are welcome.”
We both hung up.

When his housekeeper left me a message a few days later saying that he had died.
I felt only relief that it was over……and that he would not be calling me anymore.

I could breathe again.
He, like many others, had come and gone......

And my emotional and intellectual space
Was once more intact and inviolate.