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1. What is your best quality?
2. What is your worst quality?
3. Where do you see yourself in 7 years?
4. If you were given the chance to integrate, would you? Why or why not?
5. What is your dream job?
6. What is your opinion on sex/relationships.
7. Do you have any regrets?
8. What is one thing about the other alters that bugs you.
9. Anything you'd like to add?
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1. I honestly think its my skittishness. I have never known anyone I didn't trust immediately, and it has helped me make it this far. It also is a great judge of character, I have yet to meet someone who knew me from Nic's DID and say something along the lines of "Aw, he's nervous. Isn't that cute?".
2. It would have to be my fear. I think some people know I was the one behind the great AIDS scare of early 2011. And I really did not mean to cause as much damage as I did, but, again, it does suit me well. I think my fear is a tool of sanity for the other guys, because it gives them pause. But I did take it too far that one time, and I am sorry.
3. In 7 years? I really do not know. C. said something about being an improvisor and not really caring what is coming, well, I would like to know right off the bat that we will still be alive in 7 years. So I guess thats my answer: In 7 years, I hope we will still be alive.
4. Its a very scary thought, one I don't really want to think about for long, but for now, I will. A great man on these forums, Johnny-Jack, helped me get past my fear of exterminitation, which still freaks me out a little, so I would rather not go into detail here, but the basics of it are that I am constantly afraid of death. And integration really is just me dying. Thats all it is. Its like my own personal self destruct button, and when I think about it like that, it reminds me of this one lady on Deal or No Deal several years back who kept nervously asking Howie Mandel to keep the plastic case over the red "End the Game" button, because she was afraid to push it. And so I like to think that Nic would never integrate, but one day some deal may come along, and he might push the button. And then we'll all be gone forever. And that is why its a very scary thought, because then I won't be able to contribute to humanity at all. And I want to. But its too scary.
5.Typography and fonts are kind of a passion of mine. I sort of "Get high" whenever I see Helvetica font, specifically the letter "e". Lower case "e" Helvetica just makes me feel great, because its so perfect to me. I love it. So getting a job as some kind of graphic designer with an emphasis on typography would be it for me. And when I say graphic design, I mean just the fonts, not like designing posters or anything like that, not unless it was essential to my job.
6. I dislike them very much. The reason being is that sex is not something I have ever been good at handling on my own. C. blames it on me being raped, but I blame it more on C. to be perfectly honest. He was in this relationship built totally on sex, and now he refuses to be in any relationship at all because of how abruptly it ended. I am for being in a relationship, but I am truly turned off by the women that Nic attends school & college with. They aren't very bright. And I'm not as extreme as C. on hating them, but I do wish the girls my age would wise up a little. Until then, I dislike the concept of both very much. Actually, scratch that. I hate them. Screw those girls. I really do hate them. I have never gotten past the fact that these girls ruin everything for everyone else. Be it paperwork or relationships, it seems like its always about money for these women. And until I meet a woman who is truly about the relationship, and not secretly about getting as much cash as possible then darting, I do hate these girls. And I don't use the word Hate that often. God says to love thy...

[ Continued ]

Today is Valentines Day, and I don't give a flying ###$, but today, at CWI (Our college), we have a bunch of horny teenagers that we have to listen to on a daily ######6 basis because "###$ YOU, C.NIC! I DON'T CARE IF YOUR RECOVERING FROM SEX ADDICITION OR WHATEVER THE ###$ IT IS YOU JUST WENT THROUGH, WE ARE GOING TO MAKE YOUR ######6 DICK TWINGE LIKE A ######6 TUNING FORK."

Annoyed by all the idiots at our school, I posted this on Nics Facebook account:
"
Thanks to idiots in college and the power of Valentines Day, I can safely say I have been turned off sex and most likely BF/GF relationships forever. Seriously. I saw all the couples today, and all the stupid things the boyfriends were doing to try and get laid, like buying this $5 cupcake (NO, SERIOUSLY. PICS TO FOLLOW), and then the single idiots going on about "I haven't had sex in 3 years", "I just want to get laid for Valentines Day", "I'm just so f*****g horny", and so on.

And the whole time I'm wondering why no one wants to be in a relationship anymore, and why everyone just wants to have sex... well, mostly the men. "Sex is awesome", "Sex feels good", that doesn't cut it for me anymore. I don't care about sex or even getting laid because its all I hear around here. "Sex is great", blah blah blah.

Just somebody give me a f*****g answer: Why is my generation so f*****g stupid, that they can't figure out that if your with someone, you make them happy, and THEN sex will follow, if thats their f*****g goal. That f*****g simple. Its worked forever, and its the only reason they're here now, with their mindless droning.

Just creepy here at CWI. Happy Valentines day!"

Thats [sic], by the way. Just Cut and paste. Nothing altered, nothing changed.

The first person to respond was Matt C., and if you read my blog often, you know this asshole. He's the asshole who told Zack (unknowingly) "I hope you have AIDS, cause that would be funny" in the middle of his (or, really, our) AIDS crisis. His response was this:
"Get laid".
1 guy liked that. Sam... something. He's unmemorable in the first place, so whatever.

NEXT COMMENT is from my top-of-class nursing school cousin Mikey C.:
"Wow, calm down."
Not sure if hes for or against, so I ignore him.

NEXT: Zack R.:
"Amen brother. People are stupid"
At this point, 3 people have liked my status, including Mr. R. Then, ######6 Matt comments AGAIN.
"Seems more people need to get laid than originally thought..... i think the best of my abilities would be to get nic laid."

Now, read my original post again. Do I sound iterested in sex? At all? Is there a point where you think "Heh, he's just desperate for pussy"? Let me make this clear: I hate idiots like Matt C., and I hate what sex does to idiots like him. Sex, in and of itself, is a wonderful thing. But I don't give a $#%^ anymore, so ######6 lay off it, OK? That ######6 simple.

You want to know how to treat sex addicition? Just let the person masturbate themselves into a stupor, and eventually they won't give a $#%^ either. And guess what?! I have straight A's this semester. Last semester, in my sex-driven rampage of personal destrusction, I ######6 failed my favorite subject, Poly Sci. This sememster, I had 2 of my Physics homework assignments in 2 weeks ahead of time, and I have a 87.5% in Lecture alone. Once Lab gets factored in, I have a 96.85% (We have computers, genius. They can show you that $#%^.)

So, with that in mind, this is what I wrote him back:
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"I'm not sure you actually comprehend what you just wrote, so I'm going to go through it step by step to help you out:
"Seems more people need to get laid than originally thought" The first 2 people seemed like they were against my comments, then 3 people jumped on board my side. 3 is bigger than 2, so I win there by leverage...

[ Continued ]

I meant to ad this immedietly after the last post, but then I got sent to bed ASAP. It was 11 PM. So... there.

There is one person I truly hate in this world: Ann Coulter. But behind her is the people who "Want to meet the alters".

The only reason I hate these assholes is because I know what comes immedietly afterwards: Can I talk to Zack? He understands better.

Like they think we can just switch on a dime, its just "DING! HI, ITS DICK CHENY!!! NO, BAM!!! ITS ME AGAIN!!!".

Also, with the fascination and need to meet the alters comes this sort of expectation that the second they come around, we will be an alter and not boring ol' Nic. And on the off chance they're right that ONE ######6 time, all they want to do is ask ######6 questions. So I refer them to Nic... and then the PERSONAL questions come into fray.

But then once they realize how triggers work, they will literally do $#%^ to try and trigger certain alters. I'm not ######6 kidding: my ex used to hug Zack so Nic or I would come out front, because Zack doesn't like unwanted hugs or just touching in general. He's a ######6 rape victim, he gets that one as a mulligan for LIFE.

The fact is that we are not some dancing monkey: we are ill. That doesn't mean "Ill at ease", were not some ######6 country bumpkin that eats straw all day and cant count to 23 unless were naked, it means were "Mentally ill", and having to basically entertain you with our illness is not only exhausting, its insulting that you would think it would work like that.

-C.Nic

If your FASCINATED (see what I did there, #####&? Eh? EH?!) by the whole "Tagged Questions, Part 1 of 8" deal, don't worry; it'll be coming back after this. I just need to rant. Yes, a ######6 gain.
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So, recently, Netflix added "United States of Tara" to its streaming service. USoT is a show that was on Shotime for a good 3-4 years, and its about a woman with multiple personalities. I decided that since so many people on the forums loved the show, maybe we should check it out. And it is ######6 INCREDIBLE.

So its not as extreme and #######4 as I was told. Some of it is quite realistic, albeit slow for us, but its not "Sybil"-style overexaggeration. Well, most of the ######6 time.

But there is this one character that Tara is making some kind of mural for in her living room, St. Johns or something, (I'm only on the first 5 episodes so far, so lay off #####&), and MY GOD... whoever the actress is that played her deserves a ######6 Emmy for her realistic role.

She is the "Fascinated" one. And for those without DID reading this, you need to understand the basics of "Coming out". Its basically like coming out, saying your gay to your mother or whomever you ######6 desire, but once you get the courage to actually say "I am mentally ill", the person (or group) being told is instantly divided into 4 groups (that we know of):
1. The "Oh, well that explains a lot" crowd. These are the guys who, for YEARS now, have liked you because your weird, or your "Mood swings" somehow entertain them. Assholes. Anyways, these guys like you, and by telling them, it helps explain you as a person.
2. The "Fascinated" crowd. Basically the "So, when you switch, do you feel anything/remember anything/" BLAH BLAH BLAH. You know that one kid in class who has to know the ######6 answer to EVERYTHING?! Thats this person. They find DID so incredible that they just need to know EVERYTHING about the ######6 disorder. I'll explain more in a sec.
3. The "Your joshin' me!" crowd. The guys who are borderline groups 1 and 4. They're basically the guys who think "I don't believe this is a real disorder, but at the same time it does explain so much".
4. The "LIAR!" crowd. These guys think DID is fake, just a ploy for attention, and a cheap one at that. These assholes are the main reason people don't want to come out, in ANY situation. "Mom, I'm gay", "Honey, get the cross. Were preforming an exorcism tonight". That kind of stupidity.

Now, when coming out, of course groups 1-3 will be the ones you aim for, and I have no problem answering questions about our DID to group #2... but my GOD. Why the ###$ do they just ramble on?!

We have gotten a reputation for being brutally ######6 honest at our school. So we get a lot of secrets, cause people know were good. We know some deep personal $#%^ that most people wouldn't want shouted on a ######6 loudspeaker system at school, right? So why do they expect us to be calm when they ask, say, Zack, or Nic "So, do you remember anything about being raped?" or "Do you remember the last time you've had sex?"

Nic doesn't believe we've even had sex, its so vague to him! Its like a dream, really: He sees the real memory like its a 35mm anamorphic widescreen movie, and the reel is only 2 or 3 seconds long. He doesn't see memories like you would, he sees them in little flashes, like subliminal messaging or something.

Our annoyance from these guys who are just fascinated by the disorder is that the questions never stop. I told 12 people last May (2011, OK?!) that Nic was mentally ill and had DID. 7 haven't talked to us since, 2 just accepted it and moved the ###$ on. But the rest are still ######6 asking about $#%^ that we frankly don't care about. We've literally had to stop talking to THEM its gotten so bad....

[ Continued ]

My mom and I have established that I have 2 years left in our home before we are expected to live on our own. It seems fair, but also EXTREMELY scary. Heres why:

1. The prospect of living on my own is extremely petrifying to me. I cannot fathom any scenario where me being completely independent is a good one long-term. It is really scary to me.
2. I have no real job. I work for my mom, for basically $100 a month. I looked around for 2 years and no one would hire me, so I just gave up. The guy that was helping me with my resume stopped contacting me, and from there it just seems no one wants to let me work for them.
3. With those two things in mind, I also have to deal with the idea that at the end of 2 years, she'll just kick me out just because "Oops, times up. Bye Bye". Her adopted son, Darrell, told her that I'm just a moocher, which I am not. I am not like some teenage girl that demands everything be given to her just because she exists. I know I have to work at it, whatever it may be. And yet, even with that, I have NO chance in hell of getting a job because blah blah blah. In truth, other kids have gotten jobs... but then I think about who has gotten them, and the list goes like this:

-Kelsey: Kohls. Works 3-5 hours a week.
-Matt: Toys r Us: Works 4 hours a week.
-Katie: Works part time. Presuming 12 Hours a week.

And that's all I know off the top of my head! Honest, these are the only three I could think of on my own. I had to look on Facebook to find these people I knew from High School. These are ALL THE KIDS I GRADUATED WITH WHO CURRENTLY HAVE JOBS:

-Jason: National Guard: 2 weekends a month, for 8-14 hours total.
-Sydney: "Food Prep" at Bar & Grill. No idea what her hours are.
-Chris: Dairy Queen: 14 hours a week.
-Maritza: Temp job at Fireworks Stand: 7 Hours a week for 4 weeks.
-Chaz: Temp job as annoying guy who asks you to watch a video at the mall. 4 Hours min., 12 hours max a week.
-Joe: Idaho Pizza Company, no info on hours. I'm presuming 14 Hours a week min.
-Tyler: Personal Trainer at Idaho Athletic Club. No idea, again.
-Max: 68W in Army. Might be full time.
-Christina: Vans. No idea.
-Seth: "Elder" for the Mormon Church. Full time, I presume. (?)
-Samantha: Sandwich maker at some generic airport shop. Part time.
-Corden: Journeys, part time. I know this because he is an idiot, working for a stupid store.
-Britini: Tumble Time. Part time, definitively. No one works full time at Tumble Time.
-Alice: Rue21. Part time.
-Ceaser: Fred Meyer, part time.
-Natalie: Sonic Drive in. Part time.

Now, I am friends with everyone who has a Facebook account that I graduated with, and I do keep contact with some folks who don't have one. The graduating class was 400 kids. Subtracting all the kids with jobs (listed above) minus 400 equals 382 people. So that's still 382 people unemployed.

Its not that were lazy, or that were jaded. Its that the people who are hiring see the idiots who are jaded from looking and think that's all of us: Selfish, arrogant and rude. And that's simply not true. Granted, sometimes this is a valid excuse, like when the nearby Dairy Queen fired its whole staff and rehired in a day because the old staff couldn't do anything right, and didn't care! But that's only one time, now two weeks ago. Now when i go through the drive-thru, I have my food in 2 minutes, compared to the "I know it will take a while, so lemme just shut my engine off" BS I had to deal with before.

But I honestly do believe the only reason I haven't gotten a job so far is because of prejudice against my generation. I hate them too, I really do. I hate how my generation became defined as the "Texting behind the wheel" and "Crazy person on Facebook" generation. But thats not all of us.

The other reason is because of the "im not wring pants lol XD" stuff being tied to all of us, people think were unskilled. Its completely untrue: I outrank many middle aged...

[ Continued ]