Figured I would try out the blogs here since it's nearly 4 am and I am sleepless anyway and with nothing better to do.

That I can't sleep is probably because I accidentely turned my days a little upside down atm so i've been up late and slept for long in the mornings, trying to sort it out but right now I'm not tired at all.

Even though I've been through some of my worst days lately BDD wise, I still feel like I had a sort of vacation from it all where I managed to think less about it overall for a while. A much needed one I might add. And now I'm ready to start fighting again. I got very inspired to do something differently as I was rewatching inception the other day (one of the best movies ever made imo). Now I know it's just a movie and blablabla but there is something to the concept of the movie. An idea can certainly grow and grow from the tiniest seed until it fills you up completely and becomes an obsession, it should be clear to any BDD sufferer. Now what is there to say one cannot eradicate such an idea that has turned parasitic? Absolutely nothing. I have tried in every possible way I'm aware of to do this within my conscious mind (CBT and so on) but it simply does not work. Which is why I think I need to get down to the unconscious mind and solve the problems there. I need to do a trip there anyway, there's probably a lot going on with tons of suppressed memories, feelings and so on that I'm not aware of

No but seriously, while I do not know yet exactly how I will try to approach my problems, I do think it is time to try something new. And what I did get out of the movie was a reminder that all of this is simply something that exists in my head. It is not a part of what's really me, or at least it doesn't have to be even if it certainly feels like this at the time. It is nothing else but an idea that was once planted and happened to grow much too big under the circumstances that existed at the time. But things has changed and it's certainly not an idea I want to hold on to for the rest of my life.

Now I'm actually tired so that's all for now, take care until next time.