Hi Readers,

I recently had some which i believe are psychological problems and i haven't noticed it after a friend told me it could be a possible anxiety or other issue.

Here's my story. A year ago I had a girl who got pregnant, but due to some family and personal issues we broke up. Unfortunately; the unborn baby was lost. After the tragic thing that happened; i never went to a new relationship, btw I'm a 27 yr old man now and have a stable job.

As I mentioned; I had this fear of having a new relationship again: 1) fear of things that could happen again. 2)My ex gf to do something to my new gf and tell story of how our relationship ended.

Those things haunted me for a year, then finally me and my ex talked again, settled things and informally agreed to become friends. I was a bit relieved and thought that maybe I can start a new relationship again.

However; an unfortunate thing happened 2 weeks ago. I was dumped and the girl was caused things that somewhat made my mind a bit crazy. I started to feel empty and bored with things I enjoy doing (such as playing an online game, drawing and music). I suddenly felt bored with my life and even thought of suicide but not so serious that I attempted it. Just something that came up to my mind, but I will not really do it.

I have these 2 good friends (older than me) who really cares about me, but I suddenly pushed them away and somewhat turned my anger to them. They tried helping me, but I ignore them and asked them to leave me alone. I only tell what i feel to them as I was not close with my family and i don't tell those problems to my male friends.

Recently, I'm having this mood swings which I think is not usual. There are times i want to talk to them, then all of a sudden gets mad at them. I will say that I will listen to their advice, then suddenly say I don't need their advice. I always feel lonely, I had this things in my mind deciding that I should live alone and a loser. I always tell myself that I was a failure, that things always fail for me. I begin to develop weird emotions, from being too emotional; thinking I don't want to be alone, but pushing those people who cares away from me.

However; this only happens when I'm chatting with my 2 female friends. With office mates and other male friends, I act normal, crack jokes and doesn't feel those things. When I'm alone, I always feel sad and thinking of things if there is something wrong with me, either the way I talk or my appearance. My friends tell me nothing is wrong with the way i look.

It seems that this recent event where I was dumped, pulled a trigger with my emotion and suddenly burst out and sniped my 2 good friends who really cares for me, but I always push them away. in addition, I randomly suffer headache recently, but Im not sure if its related to this or just a sudden change in weather.

I just read some article and found similar symptoms with BPD, but I'm not sure. I just thought there is something wrong and I need some professional help. Thanks!

PLEASE HELP!

I have been wondering this for a while now. Ever since I was little, my Mom tried to fit in with her boy friend's life style. The guy could have been a raging alchoholic, who was a complete ass(most of them were) and she would stay with him, no matter what. Last year, I told my mom that my step brother had been sexually abusing me for a little over two years. When I told her, she at first seemed shocked and had called him in the room with my step dad. They kicked him out of the house for two days; during those two days, my mom didn't talk to me, yet alone speak to me. She began making me feel guilty for getting in trouble, and even tried bribing with my graduation dress for my 8th grade ceremony. I eventually gave in, and they moved him back in. I was forced to live with him for six months, until I ran away to my dad's house. The thing that I have had trouble coping with is how she could have just turned away from me. It hurts so much. I would have maybe understood if she was a dad, since they don't really go through the pregnancy and the pain mothers feel. I have just have had the hardest time grasping how my mom could have just left me like that. She told I could tell her anything. Why would she have done that? I'd like to assume she just has some mental illness that she had never told me about, but maybe she just didn't care what happened to me.

Right here my life in a nutshell, in my last year of school I started mixing with the "wrong crowd" drinking and all that stuff, then I started getting in trouble with law, only petty stuff but my friend went to prison for something we both done although he had alot more previous convictions and stuff, I got a job that in the end fell to pieces through my bad attitude and hatred for authority, any way the booze was spiralling out of control and I begin to use cocaine aswell, so in the summer of 2012 I begin to lose the plot I was going mad at friends, fighting, slagging everyone off, I was a complete mess. Anyway In september of 2012 I went on a fobt machine in the betting shop, by the end of the year I was losing my entire wage (from a new job) on these hellish machines. 2012 came to an end (thank god) and I started improving alot I was back training, staying of the booze and had self excluded myself from the betting shops, in march I got a another job (I had been sacked by the second job) and I am still there, things have been ok whilst in this job for the most part, but my behaviour is very erratic still, a few months ago I relapsed with the gambling, I went on lunch break, lost £200 then went home, employers were fuming and I am on a final writen warning. So now to latest meltdown I got paid last week and within a few days I had lost the lot gambling, what's wrong with, anyway that sent me nutty, now I am off work for 2 weeks with stress/depression. anyone got any answers to why I self destruct so much, I just seem be impulsive and angry all the time.

I'm 19 years old and for my entire life I've been having troubles feeling anything at all. I always thought there was some logical and simple explanation to why I wasn't like everyone else, and I assumed it would heal with time, but it didn't. It just keeps getting worse. First let me begin with that I'm completely unable to open up to other people. I have never opened up. To anyone. If I'm even close to doing it I feel disgusted by myself, I get nausea and an urge to flee. I've also never cared like others. I can't really feel empathy. Or I mean, I can, for like animals and my family, but no one else. I'm literally serious when I say my best friend could die tomorrow and I wouldn't be able to feel a thing. Obviously I'd think it's sad, but it wouldn't effect me on an emotional level.

I hide this part of me, and I certainly don't talk about it with anyone. I want to be normal but I just can't. I have tried to involve myself in other people, in relationships, and even - in my sillier moments - in love. But it doesn't work. Something in me is broken or missing. I love my immediate family, but that's about it. I can lie without feeling any kind of remorse, I manipulate people very easily, and when someone really gets on my bad side, I just attack their weaknesses and break them down with words. It's terrible, I know, but I can't stop. Even as I write it, I know I say it's terrible, but I don't feel terrible. I just know that it's not how a person should act. I could never physically hurt another person, but not because it would make me feel bad but more because I know it's wrong.

My condition is just getting worse, I've started to distance myself from everybody because I feel so tired of wearing a mask and constantly faking to like what they like or play their stupid games. I don't love others. I'm incapable of feeling on a deeper level, there are no strong emotions in me. I feel narcisstic but at the same time I hate myself. I can get furious very easily but it goes away as quickly as it comes. I haven't had such a bad childhood but I mean my mother was going through her hardest part of life when I was a kid, and she took it out on me a lot. Sometimes physically but mostly mentally, such as I constantly heard that I was a bad kid, and bad news, and she blamed me for a lot of stuff that wasn't really my fault. She changed and got so much better when I was like 13 or something and now she's the best mom ever and apologized 200 times but I can't seem to let go. It's stuck with me.. I'm seriously worried that my condition will become worse and something bad will happen... What's wrong with me?

Hello everyone! Here is another post that I wonder if anyone can relate to?

Now I have recognized that I do have some good qualities as I began to understand and rebuild myself but I find that I have also exploited these qualities in the past, distant and and not so distant. At I times I have even justified my actions with these qualities for example talking myself out of returning a phone call from my mother, I'll tell myself that attending to my life changes are more important, I can't disrupt this noble and righteous work, then anger will justify the frustration of having to make these life changes then ill hold her responsible for my current emotional and mental struggles. Ill think she doesn't deserve to speak with me, she deserves to suffer like me, she should be punished. (I know very immature, Its as if bpd is one the more extreme symptoms of immaturity)

Or my sadness will justify my depression after acknowledging how sensitive I am. For an example I'll use avoiding my mothers call again, I'll think to myself that I deserve to be alone for all the stress and pain I have caused others, that there is so much growth that needs to transpire before I can effectively communicate with anyone. That I don't have anything worth saying, that I don't want to worry anyone with my issues and ineptitude. (Really I'm just removing a level of responsibility and accountability over my own actions that I believe I'm too exhausted for, too depressed to invest my energy in to)
This is where My Fear interjects sometimes, creating thoughts like I would just embarrass myself if I try to educate or inform my mother on my current condition because I don't really know myself like i once believed I did, I'll sound uninformed to her, like I'm not trying to change, or I'm not taking the growth that needs to transpire seriously enough. (The shame would be too much to bear apparently is what Im thinking here, once again I see myself hiding from a level of responsibility because of the fear of emotional shame, which is related to heightened level of emotional sensitivity leaving me fearful of many personal and social situations/confrontations)

Another thing I have become recently hip to is the projection of these insecurities on he world. What I believe people are thinking about me or fear that they may be thinking, really are just what i deep down think about myself. And it does not stop at people i project my demeanor on to all things, in my eyes the world has become as tumultuous as my soul, A place where joy does not exist only struggle and heartache. I believe by improving my perception of self my projection on to the world will also improve, my perception of the world will improve and i will see the beauty of life again.