Its starting again-shaking, paranoia, no sleep. Bloody nightmares and violent fantasies. Guilt. Exhaustion. Craving. Wanting to stop. Pulled in, gravity. Hide. Run. Sleep. Relent. Shame. Fear. Exhaustion. Release.

Overwhelmed. I want to dig a hole and hide until everything blows over.

Cheetos are surprisingly salty.

Some of my blogs have thousands of hits, but almost no comments. Why don't people ever leave comments? I feel like I'm just typing into space, which, I guess, I kinda am.

So, its been awhile since I blogged here. No good reason not to blog. Been seeing a therapist weekly and I guess that's kinda filled the gap that blogging was filling. I feel like blogging today. Just got back from visiting the fam and found out that the only person in the world willing to deal with my mom is moving hundreds of miles away. That means everyone's going to expect me to take care of her. I can't stand her. S even though she's a grown woman completely capable of taking care of herself. She just refuses, assuming everything will always be provided to her-ridiculous! On top of that, she can't stand me, treats me like crap and constantly makes fun of me. She can go screw herself if she thinks I'm gonna ruin my life trying to care for her. Not gonna happen. The rest of the fam can continue treating her like a spoiled child, but not me. She needs to get her $#%^ together and grow the ###$ up.

On another note, I remembered why I don't visit them. I completely forgot how freakin sexist some of them can be. At dinner, I was actually scolded for getting food before all the men were served. Are you freakin' kidding me? Welcome to the 21st century people. I'm a little relieved that it all made my husband feel a bit uncomfortable. At least he's not buying in to all that nonsens

Sooo happy to be home
The pets all seem to have done well while I was away. I'm glad to see them. Now for a nice long nap in my own bed.