Well today was long and tiring. This morning I tried to talk with both my husband and penelope about boundaries and it just seemed to go nowhere. I feel a little hopeless right now. Everything I happening at once. We are currently being audited and the woman doing the auditing went to psych school so he finds my mental illness to be fascinating, however when she asked Penelope what happened to me as a child and Penelope answered that she thought it was this babysitter when I was 6-8 years old but that I didn't think it was molestation I just thought it was my first sexual experience. Regardless of what happened to me or how my brain chose to deal with it has nothing to do with this audit. This woman is using me like. Freaking guinea pig. Or a side show. She said to Penelope that I was obviously not mentally sound if I thought it was a sexual experience and how dumb I was. That is grating on me. I feel like phoning her up and yelling where she can stick it. Thank god she never became any type of shrink because she has the bedside manner of a serial killer. We finally went and got a mental health advocate to help us deal with this woman because she has become a trigger for me. I go I to her office to drop something off and walk out penelope. The advocate was really nice and she is going to do what she can so I don't have to deal with this monster anymore.
My grandma who was my best friend my whole life just fell and broke her collar bone and shoulder, that and the dementia an I'm quickly loosing her. My emotions are raw. This pregnancy is hard on me and I am looking forward to delivering so that I can really focus on getting myself treated. Deal with my alters so that its an organized system like so many ppl on here seem to have.
Anyway I guess that's enough for now. If I wrote everything that has gone wrong in the last 5 months down it would take hours and I don't think I could handle facing it all at once.
How do you deal with finding out 26 years later that you were sexually abused? How do you go on?