Anti-Terrorism Officers in Dawn Raid on Local Author......

More than 120 armed police officers led by members of the Q8 Anti-Terrorism Squad raided the Brimscombe home of reclusive and controversial author Professor Tom Nimington early this morning.

A passing neighbour, vivacious Kylie Thrush (17), told Bitch reporters that Prof. Nimington (93) together with three small men in emerald green overalls and singing with strong irish accents, were driven away in waiting police vans. Prof. Nimington is believed to have close links with dissident IRA faction "The Imaginaries", who first came to public attention with their daring kidnap of contemporary poet Dennis the Rhymer - the P Diddy of Beetroots. They are believed by intelligence sources to be on active service in the Cotswold area, and are notorious for their capricious behaviour, wild parties, and unbelievable shoe repairs.

Clive Horsley (93), solicitor acting for Prof. Nimington, told waiting reporters: "This is a bloody farce. It's a blatant and unprovoked attack on Fairyland".

A police spokesperson later denied that an active service unit of dissident fairies was being held under the Prevention of Terrorism Act, only that Prof. Nimington and three small gentlemen were helping them with their enquiries.

Volund, the King of Elfland, was unavailable for comment, although a palace official did hint, off the record, that such a serious incident could lead to reprisals, and provoke "difficulties".

Chief Superintendent Sir Ken Tyre (93), head of Q8, is still believed to be missing.

Recycled Wives Centre Plan Rejected......

Stroud District Councillors have rejected a controversial new concept in recycling planned by post-modernist feminist consultancy group The Little Sisters of Confusion, after strong opposition from local male supremacists assisted by vocal misogeny activist Reg Zapp of the Stroud Battered Men's Refuge.

Former international playboy Zapp (93) told Bitch reporters: "With the proposed centre being located so close to the Battered Men's Refuge.....this is total and absolute madness". Bearing the scars of 14 unavoidable marriages, innumerable sordid affairs, and countless cases of mistaken identity and wrongful financial persecution, a frail Zapp continued: "This will only encourage women to express their sexual frustrations and violence against men in an uncontrolled frenzy of repressed female aggression and manipulative emotional mind control." A weeping, and obviously emotionally moved Zapp further explained his nightmare vision of a town "swarming with menopausal slappers and preditory ladies of uncertain vintage, hunting down defenseless, sensitive and solvent males with DIY, babysitting, and gardening skills, who have absolutely no interest in football".

Supporters of Reg Zapp's " Misogeny Makes Sense" Campaign, can hear him live at the Pigs Can Fly Charity Concert at Cerne Abbas, supported by The Free Willy Band, and visionary rap artiste Tungsten Ted.

Tickets from: The Liberated Man Centre, and the charity shops: Sperm Donor, and Simple Chap.

Disclaimer......


Any likeness between fabricated characters portrayed in the Stroud Bitch & Bastard and real people is entirely the responsibility of the real people portrayed for behaving like fabricated characters in the first place.

All complaints to the Editor: Kurt van Vogel.

O'Buck on rampage after losing top Bitch job.....


Literary bull- $#%^ and wild man Paddy O'Buck (93) was said by friends to be "on a drunken rampage" in his Irish homeland after losing out on his bid to become Editor of the Stroud Bitch & Bastard.

Big mouth O'Buck, author of A Thousand and One Ways to Stay Drunk, was said by a Garda spokesman to have "rendered half the bars on the west coast totally unusable to a thinking man".

O'Buck's last jaunt into alcoholic satori was finally nipped in the bud when he was arrested in north Dublin wearing only a bowler hat and an orange sash, and brandishing a rolled umbrella. Apparently he had seen the future, and it was orange. He was later unconditionally discharged, when the judge deemed the fracas and later riot, "a minor case of the craic".

Bitch owner, the mysterious Count Fiberovsky, was rumoured to believe that O'Buck's introverted personality was far too stable for such a prestigious position.

The job goes instead to international pervert and sex pest Kurt van Vogel (93), who is known to police forces worldwide as a "volatile psychotic and dangerous megalomaniac".