I asked my pdoc to bill me above the bulk-billing rate. She refused and said we would talk about it next visit. That was today, and we did. She told me that it isn't a one-way street, that she gets an awful lot out of treating me. She said she appreciated the amount of trust I place in her, the amount of honesty and openness I have with her, that I work so hard within my lifestyle to help my illness, that even when I am terrified I will still give her suggestions a go; and that I have an open mind and flexibility. She made me cry, no one has ever accepted me for who I am before. Nobody who has known me for any length of time and gone through the good and the bad have ever given me credit for how hard I work at being well and no one has ever told me they get heaps out of their connection with me. I'm still going to get her a gift for advocating for me in such a way that saved my life, but it was a lovely thing for her to say this morning.
I told my pdoc that the Seroquel take 9/10ths of the intensity out of my emotions and that my inner core is remaining intact despite what life is throwing me atm (in just the first week I have been taking it). She was delighted to hear that - 21 years in the process of trying to get that result - she had a smile from ear to ear. But one step at a time, nevertheless
I asked her about verbal diarrhea and she said that it was part of it, but did mention that I had a glowing presence about me while in a verbose state that made me less irritating - and you wonder why I say I have the best pdoc! lol.
I also asked her about mixed episodes. She said that it was difficult/generally impossible to diagnose via report; it was very much something that is more observable in a hospital setting.
In regards to rapid cycling, she believes that is something that has been created with the introduction of antidepressants to treat the PTSD. She believes once we get the mood stabiliser right, the rapid cycling may dissipate.
She has set me at 50g of sero and 25mg of ago per day with a range to go up to 100g of sero and that 6.25mg Sero can be used as PRM up to twice a day.
I spoke to her about Xmas and especially my 40th birthday next February. To be alone on my birthday is very likely to make me feel my entire life has been a waste. I've got a lot of work to do to lower my expectations around my 40th birthday over the next 8 months.

Ok, LW... I'm going to remind you again... CONGRATULATE YOURSELF!!! You're not in the Guiness Book of World Records as the "most messed up person on the planet!!!" You are human. We all have our own "mess" so to speak. The bottom line is that you are self-aware enough to be seeking out treatment to manage your conditions, and strong enough to keep persevering through the meds adjustment to try to get the right "mix" to best manage your conditions.

Hey, just to let you know.... there ARE people out here who accept you for you!!! (Yes, I DO accept you for who you are.... the mess and all... because I have my own mess that you know a bit about and you still send positive thoughts and words my way!!) So do not think your pdoc is the only one in the whole wide world that is ok with who you are. Your conditions do not define you... there are qualities you have (ie- kindness, concern, etc) that we definitely can see in your postings, luv!!

And stop worrying about that 40th birthday.... COME ON HERE AND I WILL SPEND YOUR BIRTHDAY WITH YOU!!!!! If you only knew how many birthdays I have spent alone! I have learned that parties and group hugs aren't all they're cracked up to be.... now I spend my birthdays eating favorite foods, giving myself pedicures and bubblebaths... my own silly personal birthday party!!!

And a comment about the VD.... sometimes it's genetic, my dear... I LACK the gene of brevity...LOL.

Hugs your way....
Koshka