So I've done pretty well keeping up with homework for my classes this week. Only thing I can't seem to get off ma butt and do is write this small paper. I'm just not really interested in the topic, so even cleaning my bathroom is more entertaining to me than this paper. It's due Sunday night, so I'll eventually put time into it (thank god I have the gift of gab and am good at writing when not mentally blocked, so whipping out last-minute assignments never kills me). We're supposed to do something "odd" for 1 minute in public and see how others react (it's for a class in social deviance). My paper is about walking my dogs while walking backwards. Thrilling. Not. Anyhow, that's today's activity that I'm avoiding with just about anything else I can find to do.

What else?

Well, it seems that I've not talked to random people in a while, so last night when I was asleep and drooling on the couch my phone was inundated with emails, calls and texts from several people with "What's up?" messages. I have about 5 or so people who I'd call my "inner circle" that I talk to regularly. Then there's the "fringe crowd" that I only keep up with when I can remember. These are people that I'm not close with, but I guess I'd consider them decent aquaintances who live across the country. I hate to sound like a cold heartless person, but the "fringe" people are ones that seem to think our friendship is deeper than it really is. I don't let people too far in because (as was the case with the friend downstairs who is "done with me") I've just been hurt too much by people (usually women) deleting me from their lives (for various reasons, not really illness related). Usually it takes me a while to let a person far into my world. Just feels safer to keep people at bay. Anyhow, it's usually the fringe people that end up getting pissed off at me for not periodically updating them. So I guess this evening I will spend time catching them up. I don't know why I just can't be totally honest with people about how deep our friendship really is (or is not), but the "don't want to hurt people" part of me just keeps me acquiescing people. I get aggitated about this at times. grrrrrr. I'm not anti-social, per se. Guess I'm just guarded and private and having a handful of close friends is ok with me... I'm not into racking up a long list of people in my life. Blah blah blah... dunno where I'm going with this topic... just blabbering. Maybe my point is that keeping the fringe people updated makes me mentally tired.

Uh oh. Writer's block. Can't think of really anything else to complain about for now

Ok, will end the entry here.
Maybe some eggs will make me smile...

Hugs to you all....
Koshka

I was just thinking....

I've not worked since I retired from the military back in the summer of 2009. Last summer I spent the whole summer down on myself, feeling like I was not a productive member of society. So over the winter/spring I went nutso and took 5 accelerated senior-level courses (yes, spoons and mountains syndrome). Being in the midst of taking my 6th and 7th courses, I've decided that this summer there's no more boo-hoo... this summer I have, and will continue to, enjoy the small pleasures in life for no better reason than, well... I freakin earned it!

So I've decided to list out some things that being unemployed allows me to do (and makes me say "HA! I don't hafta go to work today" with a smile )

THE PERKS OF UNEMPLOYMENT, as deemed so by me:

1) I do not have to get up early (I still do...pffft!)
2) I have time to cook nice breakfasts, lunches and dinners
3) I can go to the store and not encounter crowds (cuz everyone else is at work!)
4) I can go to the pool and tan and have only 2 other people there
5) I can catch up on my reading
6) I am caught up on all my interesting TV shows
7) *****my fave****** I CAN NAP IF I WANT TO!!!!!
I get good parking spots where I live cuz the good spots clear out in the a.m.
9) I don't run into people I don't want to...cuz they're at work
10) I can play around on the internet leisurely
11) I have to look at my phone to know the day and date (I like that one!!)
12) I can workout whenever I want
13) If I am sick, I don't have to call-in sick
14) I can go to appointments in no traffic
15) I can turn my music up loud during the day when no one else is home
16) I don't have to be prettied-up everyday, so can bum around in comfy clothes
17) I can take a trip whenever I want (this one is handy)
18) ******I'll repeat****** I CAN NAP IF I WANT TO!!!!! (afternoon naps ROCK!!)

So there's some of the benefits of being a full-time student and not having to work like the rest of the world. (Note: I am not draining our public assistance programs... I fully support myself on my military retirement and retirement benefits) Just thought I'd say that.

Took me 2 years to not be pissed off about not working, but now that I'm used to it, I'm kinda diggin some of the things I can do that others can't.

Someday when my education is over I'm going to have to go back to work but TILL THEN... I'm gonna enjoy the things I can do right now that I couldn't if I was workin!!

Today started off with a bang... got up at 6am and spent the morning doing a ton of class admin. Created word docs for everything for the semester so when things are due all I have to do is open the doc and start typing away. Have found this saves a lot of time and gives me this mindset that I'm ahead of the game. Not having to start from scratch with everything seems to save lots of time. Think I'm beginning to become a pro at being a student

Once I finish all my admin I'll take a break then do a bit of class reading then put the books down at noon and go to the pool for my daily hour of lounge lizard tanning... WOOHOO!

Nothing in particular planned beyond that. Having my new electro-grill has sent me into a huge kick of wanting seared meats... marinated some chicken and turkey overnight, so my mouth's already watering for my evening grill session.

Back to ze books.....

Hello to all you crickets brave enough to venture into Koshka's bloggie world!

Today I shan't launch into a tyrade of all that is wrong in the world of Koshka. (Oh, yes, I hear the collective gasp from the audience already!)

Today I'm just going to share levity. I am giving you all helium tanks.
Crap...... fresh out of tanks.

Ok, let's move to plan B.

Just wanted to share that today Cracked and I had a back-and-forth PM session about some British English vs American English definitions (terms shall remain secret, but safely assume the translations were hilarious). I laughed so hard that tears were streaming down my face. I laughed so hard that I literally sat here in front of the computer laughing outloud, unable to stop, for like 10 minutes.

LAUGHING FELT SO SO GOOD!!!! It was, as though, for those 10 minutes of gasping for air, I forgot my cares and just, well, continued to gasp for air (loss of oxygen does, indeed, make you forget what you were ruminating about.)

Seriously, though.... Cracked... THANK YOU!!!! You reminded me that I CAN still laugh like that. Haven't laughed that hard in over a month and I NEEDED that.

I actually thought about restraining my warped sense of humor in my postings and on my bloggie blog because some people do find my humor a bit too warped to "get" or find it annoying, or think it's cheezy. But, you know what? Who cares. I'm going to be me, because those that don't "get" me will either not read my posts or just move on to another post. I'm going to be me here... because it might make someone crack a smile when they need to.

So watch out... when I'm feeling good, the chronic smartassedry is uncontrollable.

I hope everyone finds something to smile about today. And if not, just know that even though you might not be able to muster it today, it's like riding a bike... you just never forget how and tomorrow could be the day that someone makes you smile... unexpectedly and out of the blue

Hugs to you all.
Koshka

So what's going on with me today?

Well, been dealing with the loss of that friend who lives downstairs. Sort of moving through the stages of grieving on it... first hurt and sad, then angry, now sort of moving into acceptance. Normally I would nosedive into depression over something like this and dwell on what a messed up crappy person I must be to not be able to keep friends. Not doing that this time. Not really angry... just think being judged by supposed friends is crappy. Trying not to think about it all the time but that's hard... I'm a dweller and overanalyzer. So everyday I manage to distract myself with activities, but my brain interjects thoughts of the missing beau and now the friend who nixxed me. How is it that you can logically be ok with something but your emotions just keep tugging at you? I so so so hate that about myself.... I can "know" something, but "feel" differently... like I'm one huge walking contradiction. Grrrrrr. Oh well... focus on the positive and the friends who have stuck with me. All I can do.

Three days into the classes. Fun to have some brain activity. Not fun to feel like an intelligent dummy. The one class I'm taking is using a textbook that, IMO, is a couple levels above what the class is supposed to be. So I have to read the materials slowly, take notes and try to digest the concepts. So it's a bit challenging. Yep, grabbin' that spoon! Gotten this week's assignments done and need to do a bit more reading and working ahead so that I can go visit my brother in Aug for a week and have my work already done. Being a procrastinator... read a little, get bored, check this board and play around. Distractions, distractions.

So what else is running through the swampy brain atm?

Feeling like I need to socialize. I'm not a social bird... never have been. Used to really bother me when I was young that I was not "popular." Spent my teen years focused on the fact that I didn't have a lot of friends and was one of those "fringe" people in school... not in the popular crowd; not in the outcast crowd. Sort of got over that in adulthood with an "I don't care" attitude. Not a bad attitude, per se, but finally quit focusing on how many friends I had and focused on the quality of friends I've had. Since I moved here (a year ago) I've had some rough emotional times (unable to get a job in my old field, not fitting in with the crowd of former military friends who DO have jobs here, deciding to go back to school and go off on my own path). Part of me is ok with not really having a social crowd... my focus right now is school, not what bar I'm going to hang out at this weekend. But, while I'm very ok with sort of keeping to myself and doing my own thing, part of me thinks I need to have SOME friends... human interaction beyond the computer screen is healthy. Do talk to a small handful of close friends sporatically every week and mom everyday on the phone... and you guys on here, but I'm not actually interacting face-to-face with people (do shop and go out for needs, but I'm talking more on a "social, get-out-of-the-house" level. Thought about doing volunteer work or taking that ballet class I'd seen, but have a lot of school work now, and can't jeopardize my grades by overloading my schedule with outside distractions. Oy vay. What to do.

Part of me wants to pick up and move somewhere totally random... maybe to Florida near one of my close guy friends (I'm WAY better at being friends with guys... they aren't as drama driven and I always know where I stand with them, so I have great guy friends). Being located where I am currently is like the "mothership" for everyone ex military in my old careerfield. Being here is a constant reminder that I'm on a different path than everyone else. I really don't...

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