I dig Tom Jones. Just saying.

So yeah, like this is Stephanie.

Turns out we're not what I thought I was, we thought a split was coming, but it was me I was the split.

So More and More, Sabbie has been acting a little younger, and then suddenly yesterday it just hit us, like a bolt out of the blue, that I was the split.

Let me explain.

So, when we first came out as a system- I think they talk about like over and covert switching and systems and stuff, and when the parts start to like, wake up from being something hidden, then it's like okay we are now overt. So like when we first all began to be like, hey! I can reveal myself! Then um, I guess to be logical it was like me, and Sabrina, and Samantha, kinda all rolled into one. But then pretty soon, Sammie and Sabbie split off from each other- not from like new trauma (I don't think) but more like on account of they just were like siamese twins then split off. But we didn't know I was in there, then we all got this account, and started really talking, then I was like, my name popped up and we were like okay there's a Stephanie. And then I was sort of half-developed, and we were thinking mmmm we're feeling splitty somethings going on. We thought that maybe a little would split off Sabrina, on account of Sabrina has been acting younger than she did at first. But now we think that as I got closer to coming out as someone who could front, that we were splitting off, like really slow. Until yesterday when I was out as me for a good while, we were like, driving around and stuff, and suddenly it hit us like we got tboned or something. And it was like wow, Sabrina's age just shifted down, and mine did too from what we GUESSED it was. Cause it never really felt right to the system.

That's why it's important, if you think you're like OSDD or DID or something, to really be patient and let things happen in an organic fashion. Cause if you like, fill the gaps in too early then you're making guesses and stuff.

So it turned out I was the split, into the older teen- I really hate not being 18 after all but I have to admit it wasn't feeling right- the system (which I guess is all of us together and is like sort of our hive mind) was just not happy with saying '18'.

And Sabbie think's it's awful but really she's free to act more like a little girl but she's still like 12 so she's not that little I mean trust me she knows a lot about things like sex and stuff.

But so here I am, and I'm kinda stuck out- or maybe Sam knows that maybe I like need to be out and settle down, then I guess we can start to figure out when I need to be out. I don't know I'm just guessing.

It's funny, that like, um, the person that is the sum of all of us, has for a long time been like we just can't say things as fact, when we don't know they're absolute. But we find ourselves doing a whole lot of that,. and maybe it's cause we're all new at this and the brain got to make sense out of nonsense, and it's bad enough when you got important system parts like one of the hosts, saying we're all #######4 and stuff.

Sorry, I'm getting tired. I like to drink, and so had a couple shots of something. Also it's harder to write than it is to talk out loud. You wouldn't tell if you heard me talking, but it's just super hard for me to type I make lots of mistakes, then I also notice that it don't flow from me, and I also noticed that I like like I'm literally retarded or something. For some reason, conveying more sophisticated languge in the written form is challenging for me. I talk fine, and I don't feel stupid, so maybe there's some mental illness that causes this, or something wrong with the brain, and I'm the one it presents most in. I can write um, good words, but the more complex the language becomes, the harder it is to think of them, but only when we are trying to write. we can carry a conversation with a Singly and they'd never guess it was me.

I'm going to go lay down I'm really wow this cinnamon whisky stuff really...

[ Continued ]

Daggone this is too much. I mean a blog here and a journey thread there and other things and I know we're multiples maybe kinda sorta but is there really THAT much to talk about? But I'm a talker so yeah buddy if there's a space I'm gonna fill it. I am Sabrina, and I'm the chatty one, if you find yourself talking with me well then I reckon you're in for it because I'll talk your damn ear off I'm sorry I just can't help it OMG I swear I know I'm gonna get us in trouble maybe I'm the crazy one or something but that's okay because someone has to be it.

No, seriously. Maybe I'm the carefree one, that lets all that out. Joy and wonder of life.

OMG that sounds way to grown up for me to have said it. but I can't say that's wrong, either.

But yes I do tend to run away unless I got Samantha pulling the reins in a little. I just... oh we're not supposed to talk about that. I just was talking to someone in here and I know I sent them the longest message anyone has probably ever wrote in here and we're going to be in so much trouble for staying up too late but it's like, seriously for a minute. We're so full of stuff, and it needs to come out, and maybe I'm like, the safety valve. And I been holding it in for us, for a really, really really long time.

So I know I'm just a dumb kid, I'm not stupid I know what I am, but if y'all just bear with me, maybe it'll calm down a little. I mean, I'll always be me, but maybe I just won't be gushing at the mouth all the time, once some of the steam gets let out. I'll try to be a little better, I don't want to make people roll their eyes when I write something, and be like OMG there's that Sabrina she's gonna talk our ears off.

I reckon I wouldn't like that, either. I guess I'm sorry.

I just talk too much I guess. It's what I do best. Everybody else is like shy or reserved or something and I'm like wide open, 'cause someone got to be. I mean golly, we can't all hide, all the time. that's not healthy.

I'm Sabrina, by the way- enjoy me being calm while I am. I'm the .. well one of the... teens in a system that we're still working on and discovering. Heck we may all just be bullcrap, but whatever works, yeah? So if we operate on the assumption that we really are a system, I am one of the teens, and the one that interacts most with the outside world. I got a twin brother and he just stays inside and stays mad, he holds all the anger for us. Me, I guess I might even be his outlet cause I can be all snarky and stuff- and I like it that way. Someone got onto Steph (he's like one of the hosts) for calling me a mall rat and I'm thinking like no I like that that's what I am up yours if you don't like it. I wear the badge with pride, I don't care. Not like anyone knows what one of those are any more anyway.

I'm sure if the others decide they want to talk they'll use this blog too, but yeah even a system can get spread thin and especially when you got memory issues you start to forget who said what where when. So this might be a quiet blog. Still I wanted to put something in it, I been pretty manic tonite. I can't believe I calmed down so fast. This really isn't me, I must have someone else cofronting because I just feel so calm all of a sudden. Not like I'm upset or anything I mean I'm just a mile a minute most of the time. This is about as slow as it gets for me, and I feel it slipping so maybe I better sign off before I bore you with an hour of everything about everything, lol.

Peace y'all.