My stepdad died during the night. Mom called about an hour ago. No details, but I'm comforted at least in that he had people near when he passed. Contemplating my own eventual death I hope someone will be there to hold my hand as it must be terrifying if conscious during. Kinda feeling like I should volunteer at a hospice myself to balance out karma.

He had a grand life. Was a geophysicist for Chevron doing I guess oil exploration and analyses. Had a global map in his den with pins in it for everywhere he'd been and there were an awful lot of pins. Among his locales was Pitcairn Island (of "The Bounty" fame,) Easter Island, all over Russia, Alaska, South America, Australia, and New Zealand. Said New Zealand was his favorite place. Regaled the fam once with a tale from his Alaskan hunting trips where he 'bagged a bar.' We're a fiercely democratic, pro-enviroment, tree hugger sorta family so when he finished my only question was if they charged extra putting it in a cage and sedating it before he shot it. Said I had a droll sense of humor for that. He wasn't very socialable, kinda curmudgeonly. But he knew his science. On a trip to Meteor Crater in Arizona he picked up a rock to show me to me and announced authoritatively it was a Leverite - meaning put it back down and leave it right there.

Suppose I"m writing a bit of his eulogy here. He will be missed.

Shalom everyone. Found this site only recently, and skimming the threads it looked good. Deciding to register so I can post and share my thoughts and my own experiences this evening I instantly realized that while I have my own issues to discuss, I can share my insights and opinions too. If doing so helps someone hey that'd be swell (yes I said it...I'm bringing it back hehe.)

My stepfather's dying tonight. Riddled by multiple cancers at 81 it's his time. I found the Grief and Loss section and at least right now don't really have anything to talk about for myself. I regard death simply as the inescapable fact of being alive. Nothing in creation is meant to last forever, not people, not planets, not stars, perhaps not even the universe itself - everything that is, eventually isn't. So why do we mourn? I think we mourn because we all know in the backs of our minds we're mortal. But the trick to incorporating this awareness and still being able to live well lies in finding things to do so not constantly contemplating it like some dressed in black goth kid.

Can either accept life and death as the way it's meant to be, or deny it and comfort ourselves some other way. I prefer accepting reality at face value. But I look both ways before crossing a street and take vitamins hoping to put off reality as long as possible. But when somoene I know is facing their end, I don't have the same negative reactions others seem to. I don't cry and wish it wouldn't happen, or didn't happen, because for myself I understand it HAS to happen eventually. Wishing for reality to go on vacation seems fruitless. I do feel empathy though for those who aren't yet accepting of reality as per their own process of grief and loss. But I admit I'm not very helpful, or don't believe I am because I am much more accepting of it. Even my own religious faith isn't very helpful because unlike other mainstream religions, Judaism doesn't address death as much as the others. We're more about incorporating our beliefs into life while we're alive, not dwelling in an afterlife while still alive like.

And for myself I'm much more 'maybe it's all true, but maybe it isn't.' And concerning death overall my best answer discovered after a lifetime of study remains this: I don't know - I've never died before. Inspired by of all things Mr. Data from Star Trek:The Next Generaiton. An episode had him McGuyvering together something and someone asked him if it's going to work to which he stopped his work thinking for a moment and answered, "I don't know. I've never done this before." Or something like that. But it found residence in my long-term memory it seems and seems the best answer to questions of religion and what happens to us when we die. All I know for certain is nothing in existence is supposed to last forever. So death isn't tragic so much as what's supposed to happen to something that's existed for a while. For people, the hope is that during our life we did more good things than bad things and for our egos, we hope we'll be remembered in a good way.