Have you ever let a phone go unanswered?

I did that for the first time today.

A friend called me and i wasn`t awake to take it, she left a message on my answering machine and i never called her back.

I am kinda in the limbo here! At one point i really want to be her new best friend but another i don`t

Her mother is a psychologist just to make things even worse for me..
On her own i think she is a nice, which i also have said, but when she nags me for something i just cave in like an infant in foetus position and can`t move an inch.
She`s got some problems with her back and i helped her out a bit.
I still haven`t answered her called, probably not so normal....
she is 10 years younger then i am so i think that might have something to do with the problem.

We didn`t have any appointments today and she only called because of loneliness i guess.
Guess i am sick of being every bodies kleenex and problem solver!

I want to have the social life and she is social and nice BUT i have so many problems so that when she comes over and acts like her life is such a miserable pit then i get a bit provoked by that.

How on earth can i say that to her without offending her?
I already tried to say it in a nice way but she didn`t she didn`t get the hint(probably cause of age diff?).

I had a neighbour once where i lived before, he was kind and we went steady for a year.
When the relationship ended i thought it was difficult to tell him about it.
I partially moved to get away from him.
Not because he was a terrible person but because he was a nice person and i had so many problems and i didn`t want to disturb him.

I didn`t move just because of him, we also had a man peeking in the shower that we shared with the other people living there, so i needed my own bathroom.

That was the main reason for it.
We didn`t really talk about the reasons for the break up, it just sorta happened when i moved.
I haven`t spoken to him since i moved for 6 years ago.
I wish things were easy to explain but sometimes they can be hard to explain.
He accompanied me once to the hospital because i was mentally ill, he sat up with me in the hospital the whole night even if he had to go to work the next morning. He was a sweet heart to me.

He also bought me a ring i wanted as a surprise.
The problem was that i had asked him for a HIV test which he refused to take.
We argued about that. (Have taken it myself after and have no problems).

Also he went to visit his ex girlfriend and told me about it afterwards.
He could be a bit annoying in some of the attitudes he had.
He said that i couldn`t ask him for a test unless we were married.
Things like that only make me more suspicious..i told i would take it too, but no difference

So this was probably one of the reasons why i broke up with him.
I had a lot of problems at the time, and i was in and out of the hospital, not a good time to be dating someone.

I didn`t date anybody for 3 years after i broke up with him, since i had to go to a therapist and get my head straight.

I was normally the one who called him, when i stopped calling, he never called me, so our relationship just ended.

I had worked in a hospital where one of my colleagues had gotten HIV from her African boyfriend, so i was afraid. I told him that and he still didn`t take it.

I used to have a friend in school who was bullied all the time.
Once i protected her by giving the bullies a shout.
I always looked upon her as my friend and i never bullied her.

We had some years when we were closer and then, as it always does, it shifted and i became someone else`s best friend.
It just happened naturally, perhaps we discovered we were too different or maybe the other girl craved more time of me?

This other girl did crave more time of me, she used to invite home after school and since she had a nice mother and a big flat she was cool to be with.

Some years went by and another girl started to crave my best friends and my time, she was the new girl in what now looked more like a gang.
She (the new girl, called red from now) used to come up with ideas for what we should do.
We started drinking after she had joined the gang, we started to go out more instead of reading comic books and baking chocolate cake.

I used to like doing the things we did before this new person came, it was fun to start to drink,feeling as if we were older, but it was also boring since we weren`t old enough for neither drinking or clubbing. We used to end up at Mc Donalds at midnight after prowling all the disco`s, with high heels, lots of make up and short skirts. There we would sit eating our hamburgers in silence.

We used to walk with thin nylon panties in the snow, i remember my feet were so cold i could barely feel them.

Getting kicked out of all the disco`s wasn`t exactly prime time for our ego`s after we had spent 5 hours on our looks.

We were friends for a while until "the sh*t hit the fan". We had prepared a new years eve party with us 3 and a guy they all knew i had a crush on. I ended up in the snuggle bed with and got up for a glass of water while we were snuggling, and then when i came back "Red" had started to kiss him

We had been drinking all night but i think she should have had some control despite her drinking, and i think she was over acting the drunkenness.
I got so angry that i threw a bottle in the wall and left.

Another time i was at home and they were with me, "Red" got the idea to call the girl that used to be my best friend(the one that got bullied).

I didn`t know about the plan cause i was somewhere else in the flat, i walked in on them as they made the prank call in the middle of the night.

I was never a bullier in school but i think "red" tried to give me a bad reputation.

I don`t like her for that, she wasn`t a nice person to me.

They should have asked to borrow the phone, since we had strict rules in my house. She knew about that but just took the phone anyway.

The mother of my ex friend found out where that call had been made from and i got the blame for it.

I also got the blame for having made my other friend in that group to smoke(which i didn`t).

I am still angry about this because my mother used to have her son in the same school as the son of "Red`s" sister, many years after i quit school.

In my mothers eyes there was never anything wrong with Red`s behaviour, she would always be kind and polite when parents were around.


Why do i feel like all these betraying friends are reincarnations of the relationship i had with my mother????????

I have a vague memory about being in a place that i think could have been Auschwitz when i was about 4 years old.

I just wonder how many people take their children off on vacation to a place like that?

This was after my mother had divorced her first husband and left the two other children with him to get married with my stepfather. I guess he(stepfather) was the one who wanted to see it, but i am just saying how many children do you think go to places like this when they are so young?

I am not 100% sure that is where we were, i know we went to Brussels so it might have been on that journey? This is many years ago and i only tell you the story to emphasize that when you don`t have the whole family around you during upbringing, the childhood becomes amputated and different from what it was meant to be.

Many years ago i used to date a guy i had met in a social network called fountain house. In the beginning he seemed nice, friendly and a bit shy/ quiet.

I soon learned that he had more confidence and i liked his way of handling with some things, not all things.

I made some discoveries about him and we ended up fighting.
Now he is after revenge because of my discovery(which was something he didn`t want everybody to know about).
I tried to go to the police about him because he was getting aggressive, but they didn`t dot anything.

Now it turns out after it has been 5 years since our break up that he has been to my facebook profil.
He stalkes me online and has also stalked me off line while i was a member of the fountain house.
He has been a pain in you know where for a long time.

I really wish i could live somewhere else!
The place where i live has lots of problems.
Somebody is using false coins in the washing room so it has been closed by the board again.

Its so unfair that we all should pay for what that one person is doing

Also they have closed the attic once, because one person had put furnitures in the corridor, which is illegal because of fire escape.

Without any warning they closed it!?

Wish i could move but i don`t have the money for it, and i need to be in a better financial situation first.

I might have to testify against a neighbour because i have seen her so often in the washing basement, and once she tried to take over one of my paid machines, so she didn`t have to pay for it!

The environment is damaged because of this, and it becomes a worse place to live, all because of that woman.
She doesn`t listen to rules and don`t care about anybody.
She is a hardcore criminal because she doesn`t care about the crimes she does.
I wish she would move!