I have been on a holiday that made me think twice about going out my front door...

I had a brilliant idea for a new thread in a discussion forum but i forgot what it was...darn!

Its so annoying when i forget things!
And its so annoying to forget things i want to remember but remember those i want to forget(Probably not the only one who feels this way?).

I feel as if its a line between remembering and leaving... even if u leave something it doesn`t mean you have forgotten it.

A lot of people think that way when it comes to psychological problems..."why can`t they just forget about it?".

Explaining to other people that some things means more or affects the feelings more then others is difficult because you have to repeat your story to them and explain in details why, what and where.

I think that is why i broke up with my ex boyfriend.

I asked him a simple question which wasn`t meant to be offensive but he took it in a bad way because he had a bad day.

When he has a bad day he gives up quickly because he is too tired. He has fatigue syndrome and even if he has gotten better its still there. So for him to engage in a discussion it means taking the rest of his energy.

We had some bad moments and some moments when i realized there wasn`t room for me in his troubled head. I also had troubles with my past and childhood, so we just caved in....

For some years ago i was dating a guy named "Roy". He told me that he had been sexually abused by his mother. It was a terrible thing to hear about and felt very alien.
I didn`t really know what to do about it? But we kept our relationship going and were good friends.
I hate insecurities when you feel like you don`t know what to say or do, obviously it was a difficult thing for him to say. Brings out many feelings just to mention it.
What should he do??? Talk or stay silent?

He had a lot of help when he was younger, when i met him he was wonderful, strong and seemed pretty secure in some ways yet insecure in others.

In one way he was really psychologically strong but in another way he could fall into some deep agony too.

Its a heavy burden to bear something like that.
I guess all i want to say is that its no hinder from having friendships, girlfriends etc..
We had a wonderful relationship for as long as we could. Its actually the only relationship i don`t regret having but regret losing.

Its still not clear why we broke up?

He was my leading man.

Well birthday gift to myself is in check and all is ready for the big surprise tommorow
I wonder if i will be surprised

Update will follow.

I had a most peculiar ride on the subway the other day because so many different people came on it.

At first i thought it would only be filled with work commuters but soon a whole school class came on it, i thought i would get my compartment for my self but i had to share it with this class of children around 7 years. When i first got on the subway it was almost empty as i come on one of the first stops on its journey thru the city. A teacher stowed all the children into seats and stood watching them as the train continued.
Then after a few stops i saw a lot of small children standing on the pavilion, they also came into the tram but sat a bit away from me as the seats next to me already was taken by the school class.

They also had with them 2 prams that both carried 4 children each so they took up a lot of room in the door way.

Now the train looked packed but as we soon were to discover that wasn`t the end of it! A few stops later there was a group of school children who were going on a bike trip.

This group had sleeping bags with them so i know they were going on a school trip.

When i saw their backpacks and sleep over equipment it made me think about how sad it must have been for the parents of the victims of Breivik to get the horrible phone call that someone was on the island killing people.

Also i can imagine that when the parents to this sporty class were packing their things down for this school camp, they were probably thinking about the same thing.

In fact it made me so sad that i started to cry.

One of the victims had her father on the mobile phone when she was shoot to death during the conversation. The bullet went thru the phone.

A lot of children called and text they`re parents while Breivik was shooting. Imagine how that must have felt for the parents to know that the children were in danger and they couldn`t reach to them?

I didn`t want to ruin the children's day out so i kept my crying silent as i sat in the fully packed subway of joyous and smiling children.