......

Calories 0
Total Fat 0g
Sodium 35mg 1%
Total Carbs 0g 0%
Sugars 0g
Protein 0g

Carbonated Water 99%, Caramel Color 2mg, Aspartane 3mg, Phosphoric Acid 20mg, Potassium Benzoate 14mg, Caffiene 35mg, Citric Acid 42mg, Natural Flavors

......

I never was a coffee drinker. I always preferred to get my caffeine fix from Diet Pepsi. Going by the labels, however, there sure is some nasty stuff in there. Phosphoric Acid can deplete calcium over time and lead to bone loss. Aspartane has been associated with seizures and tumors in rats. I never dwell on this, however, and take the good with the bad because I enjoy a cold can of Pepsi with my lunch. I am willing to overlook the negative for the enjoyment of drinking a can of diet Pepsi. In fact, I never associate or identify a can of Pepsi with its ingredients. It's just a can of Pepsi. I take it as a whole. I am willing to overlook the negative.

Why can't we do such with ourselves? Why do we insists on labeling ourselves? This is a tough question. Perhaps it gives us an identity or makes us feel part of a group.

I have a body temperature of 98.7F, a resting heart rate of 75. I am omnivorous, warm-blooded, walk upright and my poo comes out as brown as anyone else's. The last I checked, that makes me a homo Sapien, a member of the human race. After searching the zoologoy books, I have been unable to identify a unique sub-species of 'bipolar' hominids that walk the Earth. I only see an entry for Homo Sapiens. I am not 'bipolar'. I am not an 'avoidant'. Some of my learned behaviors and coping mechanisms may fall under an arbitrary classification of behavior but there never was and never will be any such being.

So, are labels really productive? Does it serve any purpose to identify ourselves or equate ourselves with them? If I am watching my diet or I am allergic to certain ingredients, labels serve a very useful purpose. However, it stops there. Labels are simply a technicality. I never reach for a can of phosphoric acid and potassium benzoate. I will just take a Pepsi, please. The line between identifying traits and equating ourselves with these traits can be blurred and IMO this can cause more harm than good as it only perpetuates a negative self-image and identity.

Even though it does not solve the issues I deal with, there is a sense of liberation and freedom in casting off those pesky labels that have been weighing down my self-esteem over the years. It is refreshing to be able to just say, "This is Me." I am what I am. Casting off all the extraneous junk can be a good first step in repairing a damaged self esteem.

What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with an Atheist?

Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason ?

.................

I don't know why, but I have been thinking about this subject lately. It takes my mind off my troubles.

I seem to be a magnet for religious proselytizers. In the past week, I have had a visit from a Mormon, a Jehovah's Witness, and have had to fend off the conversion attempts of a fundamentalist Christian. I normally find social interactions with strangers to be difficult. But when I am dealing with this type of interaction, I feel more free to be myself.

These people mean well. I respect their opinions. They are nice people. They just can be a pit pesky and they find it hard to take no for an answer. Quite honestly, I am finding the new atheist movement to have become equally as obnoxious. The other day. I witnessed a Christian standing on the street corner handling out pamphlets. I saw another fellow go up to him and read him the riot act. Called him every name in the book and told him religion was pure bs and started carrying on about reason being the highlight of human existence.

The philosopher David Hume correctly observed that, "Reason has never motivated a man to do anything." What he was saying is that when it comes down ot it, we are all creatures of instinct and emotion. It is here where the new atheist movement misses the mark entirely. Reason alone will never provide the sustenance to keep hope alive.

I admit I find the intellectual weakness of the religious position as the reason I reject it. It simply sounds too contrived, too absurd, too hokey. It appeals to our base instincts of fear and guilt. But it does appeal to the human psyche on a deep level. It supplies hope and relief. I just can't accept the proposition on an intellectual level. The stories come across as exactly what what one would expect to hear if they were contrived by frail beings afraid of their mortality.

So, are religious people deceived as the atheists tell us? Perhaps.

Stupid? No. I know many bright people who are religious.

The main motivating factor seems to be fear of death and suffering. I fully expect that whatever thoughts and memories that belong to the thing called 'me' will cease to exist once my brain expires. It is not a pleasant thought, but it doesn't really bother me that much. Nobody worries about where they were before they were born. Where were you? Nowhere. There was no you. Nothing was around to contemplate its own non-existence. Why then does the idea of not existing after the demise of the flesh present such a conundrum? The obvious answer is that we are sentient creatures that have the ability to comprehend such a thing. A dog has the instinctual desire for self-preservation, but it does not wonder where it goes when it dies. It has no need for religion. If it had the ability to employ reason, it would no doubt conjure up the idea of doggy heaven --a land flowing with milk bones and honey.

The way I see it, we are already assured of immortality. Every action that we have performed, no matter how small, is fixed in eternity. No action can be undone. We came, we saw, we existed. One cannot undo a life.

The oft-ignored truth that stares us in the face is that most of our suffering is at our own hands. We have nobody to blame but ourselves. There is no devil to make us do it. We are the ones with our hands in the cookie jar. We did it--sometimes collectively, sometimes as individuals. I have seen the enemy, and the enemy is us.

Shakespeare was fond of telling us that life is a ale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. Life is full of sound and fury, indeed. Whether or not we are idiots is a matter of perspective. What our lives signify is not for me to say. It is for others. A life is a life.

I am often content to just sit on the sidelines and watch the show --whatever this thing is that we call the cosmos. Perhaps there...

[ Continued ]

Forums can be a negative place. I learned this years ago. Lots of venting and negativity. WHat can you expect, really? Nobody comes to a MH forum to talk about their good times. I have approached this forum with the goal of remaining positive, even when I don't feel like it. Offering whatever help or suggestion I can to others at least makes the time feel worthwhile. I amdit my perspectives can be skewed, however.

The internet shouldn't substitute for interaction with others or a therapist. However, they do allow one to express themselves in a detached manner with sufficient feelings of safety that one can at least express themselves instead of keeping it in. Writing about your thoughts helps, even if nobody listens or they are not directed at anyone in particular.

The questions I have been somewhat obsessed with lately-- are socially healthy people really normal? What is normal? How do people do it? How do they make it work? It has always been a perplexing problem. It's like trying to crack a safe. I have been able to figure out a few numbers in the combination but I am not sure what order they go in or where the other numbers can be found. It can inolve a lot of stumbling and fumbling, sometimes making a fool of oneself in the process--or perceived fool. Who knows. I do not get bothered as much as I used to. Therapy has helped some. INteracting with others in group therapy as well. Interacting the best I can with strangers also is something I work at. There is always that missing code, however. Where is it? WHy can't I find it? Is it worth the search? I don't know, really. I become tired of worying about it.

The last few group therapy sessions have made me consider the added problems faced by men in the MH system and perceptions of the public. WOmen with MH issues suffer just as much as men. We are all equal. HOwever, I do have the notion that being a male with mental illness can bring additional agravations--or perceived conflicts. Easy to pass off men with MH issues as losers and violent loners, people to be shunned and feared. Part of this is hollywood's doing. Part is ignroance by the general public. Part is the gender roles and stereotypes.

I also get worked up subconsciously in group therapy sometimes when the dual-diagnoses individuals seem to get the most respect from others. Those who have dealth with drug addictions are often passed off as "Courageous and strong." for dealing wht the issues. They are courageous and strong but these are two words never associate with those who have struggled with and dealt with MH deblitating MH issues. Men who suffer from MH issues are often seen and portrayed as suffering from a personal weakness and defect of their own choosing, even among some of those who themselves have been treated for the same conditions. Youre a man. Suck it up and move on. Those who have toiled with MH issues are never protrayed as filled with courage or resolve. MH issues lack glitx and glam. It is a defect. Nobody makes an MTV show about MH patients undergoing rehab for depression , bipolar, or schizophrenia. One is relegated to loserville.

Such is life. Nothing you can do. I also have skewed perspectives. End of negative thoughts for the day. It helps to express them in one swoop, instead of brooding on them and carying them over to the next day.