I'm really confused about what's going on with Soph. The whole abuse thing. It's ###$ up 'cause it really has to be non-consensual for her to enjoy it. People keep telling me it sounds like a reenactment of sexual abuse, but what abuse? I know for a fact I was never raped as a kid because I bled when I lost my virginity at 14. So there's no way she's reenacting an actual rape.

It's not just the rape thing, either. Fred also used to be really homicidal, so she used to taunt him into trying to kill her. So he used to always try to strangle her to death and she used to get some form of kick out of the struggle to escape...

There must have been something happen to me... On the off chance that I got multiples without any childhood abuse where the hell would this crazy attitude of hers have come from?

I looked through her chat logs with Fred from the early hours of this morning, and they weren't nearly as bad as I would have expected. I've seen into her thoughts and it would appear that she tones it down a lot. The way she thinks is so vulgar and depraved that if it were coming from someone elses head, I would be appaled and tell them to see a psychiatrist.

One of the thoughts of hers that strikes me as alarming is that whenever she hears stories of girls being sexually abused or raped, the only words to describe her reactions to the stories are 'arousal' and 'jealousy'. Now, she fakes the appaled and sympathetic reactions needed when someone recounts such stories, but all she feels is a want for it to happen to her.

Jodi x