http://youtu.be/tnIXYPrxOfk

And here is mine-how come I can't see my sent messages? I can only see the ones I received.
Thank you

Just for today, I am going to like myself (or try to)

http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2010/04/23/6-reasons-to-focus-on-liking-yourself/

Do you know how to validate yourself or are you dependent for your sense of worth on others approval and validation? My answer to that question is a resounding "yes!".

During a recent visit with a psychiatrist, when I was diagnosed with AvPD, I mentioned that I have stop looking for validation from other people to tell me 'I'm okay'. I said I don't know why I do that, and his response was, "it was because I never received validation". The validation I didn't receive was from my family, and from people at work. My father was an alchoholic and was emotionally abusive, particularly to me. When he died, my sister continued the pattern. She caused me horrific embarassment at my place of work. My co-workers continued the pattern because I tried to be good at my job. I was bullied in high school because of a stupid rumour that some guy started. I had never met this guy and obviously the rumour wasn't true.

The funny thing is my job is a Systems Analysts. A large part of my job was to "validate" other people's work, their data input, etcetera. I exceled at this. I guess I was looking for validation from my employer, so I went over and above. The only thing this accomplished was having my co-workers hate me. I made them look bad, they would say. We were appraised on the bell curve; so they said I was throwing off the numbers. I went through constant bullying. They made fun of me, mocked me, etcetera. It was awful.

You would think that being an analyst, I would be logical in my thinking. I am to a degree, except with myself. If "I hae never received validation", where do I get it from now? Myself? This has not been an easy task for me, and one that I have continuously failed at.

I have read that to validate yourself you need to start to notice how much you judge yourself rather than value yourself. I feel ongoing guilt for who I am. I look at people that are living in poverty, people that have lost children, people that have disabilities, people that have lived through horrific situations. Then, I ask myself, over and over, what the hell is wrong with you. Yes, I have been through a lot in my life, but at the same time I negate all of that and just look at myself as a failure or a loser. If I do try to look at what I have accomplished, I negate that too because thousands of people have accomplished the same things, so how big of a deal can it be?

If AvPD is a serious condition that is difficult to treat, how can I ever expect to change my thinking? I am kind, considerate, non-judgemental, but don't know if I can value those attributes because I don't know if it's because it's who I am or is it because I am so concerned about being liked by others?