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DealingWithIt
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Joined: Tue Jun 21, 2011 2:07 am
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- July 2011
I Don't Know
   Thu Jul 28, 2011 1:28 am
Sometimes Your Tear-Ducts Have Other Plans...
   Thu Jul 28, 2011 1:26 am
Facebook vs. PsychForums
   Wed Jul 13, 2011 2:12 am
Have some Faith in me
   Tue Jul 12, 2011 8:58 pm
I Contact
   Wed Jul 06, 2011 1:28 am

+ June 2011
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I Don't Know

Permanent Linkby DealingWithIt on Thu Jul 28, 2011 1:28 am

Just some stuff I'm learning...

(written around 20 June, 2011)

Just a thought that's important:

When you want to help someone, it's good to realize people don't always know what they need, what they're screaming for inside.

I'm not saying you should barge in and give them your version of the be-all/end-all of solutions in an arrogant manner.
I'm just saying that we seem to be expected to have a vast degree of insight and practicality and knowledge about our own emotional crises so that we can tell others how to help us when they ask. ...Actually, sometimes this expectation is more from yourself than from others.

One great thing I've learned this year is that I can say, "I don't know."
It's natural for us to want to know things--I'm the worst for that driving knowledge-lust in my mind or heart!

But we don't always know.
And then we can say so.
This was a revelation to me this year and it has altered my life in an only seemingly small way.

When someone asks a question, for example. Some questions could short-circuit your brain if you let them...you have to stop everything you're doing to untangle them.

So I've learned that you don't always have to fit into the box someone has conveniently (connivingly?) created for you to step into. You don't have to feel pressured into saying something.
Sometimes...

you can just say,

"I don't know."

People may continue to pressure you after that. But the power of "I don't know" is that people can't do much with it...can't really back you into corners when you say it...you can just keep saying it until the person gets it.

And I've discovered you can practice this "I don't know" phenomenon with how you're feeling, too.
You can try and express yourself, but if your friends (or anybody else) want a perfect explanation of why you're feeling a certain way, or even a 75% perfect or 10% perfect explanation...and you can't form the words...if you haven't even fully realized what's going on inside you or why...if you can just say "I'm feeling really bad"...or "I'm feeling..." and not being able to finish the sentence, your look of confusion should tell them something...and it should be enough for a friend.

I've discovered that some people will stop trying to help you when you don't know how to express yourself better than that.
I know: people can't help you specifically if they don't know what you're going through specifically.
But by "help," I guess I mean just being there for you...not forgetting about you...staying in touch and remembering that you're dealing with something, whatever it is...even, dare I say, suggesting things they think might help us in particular because they know us better than just about anyone else and aren't battling the emotional haze that's clouding our own vision.
Some people are lucky to have such a friend...someone who can know when they don't know.

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Sometimes Your Tear-Ducts Have Other Plans...

Permanent Linkby DealingWithIt on Thu Jul 28, 2011 1:26 am

(written around 26 May, 2011)
NOTE: My writing this was me trying to deal with an awkward social situation without it seeming like the end of the world. If it ends up sounding positive, well, I don't always feel like that...it's really difficult for me not to think every social problem is the end of the world, but I decided to do my best with the outcome of this situation.

So...sometimes you get the exact opposite result of what you're going for.

You may not want to deal with how you're feeling...but somehow it eventually comes out...one way or another. And I think that whatever you're going through is highlighted when you're with other people. At least it seems to kinda be that way with me.

For one thing, I seem to cry more easily when I'm around others.

Which can really suck when you're at dinner with people.

And you start crying.

For no obvious reason.

So then you run to the loo and hope nobody really noticed anything.

Yeah, that doesn't look weird at all.
And the focus of the evening was to blend in.
Yeah...that worked well.

Well...sometimes your tear ducts have other plans.

So obviously this is a story about me, and here's the conclusion.

I feel kinda better now...but even though it was partly a random mood-swing, there's also stress and tiredness and a lot of significant changes in my life that I have to deal with so far this year. All at once. And everything was all mixed together.


But here's the important part. The part of humanity that can see beyond the stupidity and embarrassment...getting the moral of the story: Tonight was a bit of a screwy example, but basically, don't wimp out of a chance to really answer someone when they ask how you're doing. Feel things out...see if they really want to know. (I know that sometimes I don't even want to know...I want to ignore how I'm feeling. But that only works if you're a hermit living in the woods. Which is why it's difficult to be with people sometimes...yeah, sure...I meant "sometimes"...*shifty eyes*). You may feel selfish talking for a couple minutes, but let friends know how you really are...helpless, confused, tired...don't know what the heck's going on right now? When you open up and are honest about things, you can approach life from where you're at and don't have to wear yourself out doing otherwise. And...about feeling selfish for talking about yourself? Well, you can focus so much better on others when you're honest about yourself. Selfishness is not, in this case, defined by an individual action. You can be selfish by not saying things, too. Telling people stuff about yourself is not about being selfish, in this case: it's about being honest and sharing who you are with others.
And a small drop of honesty can go a long way (...or so my researchers tell me, lol).

So, though it sucks having to learn it like this, I got to know who I am and get stuff off my chest tonight...something that was needed.
Sometimes the person you discover when you "get real" is embarrassing or weird.
But it's you.
And the only wrong way to deal with that is by thinking that you're not allowed to be that way and retreating further from life to escape feeling the way you did.
Hopefully, you have people around you who love you. If you do, take advantage of that in a good way and allow their love to be an environment where you can start learning to put your heart out there and take courage (ah, yes, courage...seems to be a staple for living life) and learn to be who you are among others.

(Hmm...that would be a great slogan to help re-introduce hermits into society..."Learn to be who you are...this time, among others!" You know, for all those hermit-aid programs going on. Yeah...

*crickets chirping*

So...now here is a Cool Correlation in Conclusion (and a Lesson in Alliteration):
Tonight at the get-together, one of my friends was talking about that baby sign-language thing...how some parents nowadays teach their baby a kind of sign language so the...

[ Continued ]

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Facebook vs. PsychForums

Permanent Linkby DealingWithIt on Wed Jul 13, 2011 2:12 am

It's funny...I just was on this site reading for awhile, wrote a reply to a post on here and then tried to go on Facebook, but just came back here instead...lol...

Facebook feels kinda "plastic" after being on here...maybe b/c of the depth of what people are talking about on here and how they're being real and dealing with stuff or whatever...you don't have to small talk or disguise what you mean and all that stuff...you can just get into what you're dealing with, which is what I'm starving for, I guess...

It's funny how you can get used to not being able to deal with things...not having people to actually be able to share these things with. Whenever I share something somewhat personal on Facebook, I always end up feeling embarrassed afterwards...but it's like I keep doing it because I want to know that people are reading what I'm writing for whatever reason. Maybe it's the addiction people have in the internet age to publicize everything that's currently happening to them...like, posting your vacation pics on Facebook, or what you had for lunch, or a bug you saw on the sidewalk or how you feel about Burger King vs. McDonalds...it's like, maybe partly we want to vent or find out that others think like we do...but I think maybe it's largely about just being heard and seen...knowing that these people you've chosen to be Facebook friends (or even ones you haven't) have come into contact with your ideas. I'm not sure why exactly...maybe it's a form of "fame" * (which is a big topic I could get into further, but won't too much...er...well, at the end I will a bit, lol) which we're hungry for?

So I'm glad to be on a site where my ideas might get looked at (the need for fame or perusal for whatever reason) in a place where I don't have to feel embarrassed about them. Here's to this site! :) Thanks for being here!!!

It's hard to go back to the shallows when you've swum in the depths sometimes.

_____

*By the way, in using the term, "fame," I don't mean the kind like *insert famous actor's name* has...that's a big glitzy form of it. I haven't studied the concept in school or anything, but it's kinda intrigued me for a bit, and I've thought about what fame really is, on and off for a while now. In my mind, there's a form of fame that's not so much like the Hollyword kind...one that's kinda a slightly different form of it...one that is about being heard...about connecting by being visible, by "clocking in" with the world out there. If someone's read what you said, or there's a possibility someone has or will do so...there's this whole connect thing that's kinda happening...and that's why it's hard for me to just write in my journal now where it's not there for people to possibly look at (unless it's intensely personal).

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Have some Faith in me

Permanent Linkby DealingWithIt on Tue Jul 12, 2011 8:58 pm

I know it's been a long haul, and maybe, by now,
you're thinking maybe it won't end...that maybe I'll stay the invalid longer than I should, because I can, and
because I've found some kind of meaning in it...that maybe I'm using everyone in some kind of twisted quest for identity, piling problem upon problem, replacing a cure with a new disease each time...
a kind of mental illness hypochondriac
Maybe (you may be thinking), maybe this is a thinly-veiled pretense, an attention-getter...maybe she's an attention-getter...not happy until all are in her thrall.

Who knows what kind of games my mind is playing now, and I've come to know my subconscious can play tricks,
despite my best intentions and stone-faced willing to be strong and mature.
When I can't be strong, but will it anyhow, maybe my heart plays tricks and manipulates.

But...you see I've laid it out: it came up and I laid it out.
But what I mean to arrive at is this...indeed, this also I lay out for you...a favour this overly strong one asks from the ones who already know they're weak...human...and accept it.

Have some faith in me.
All is not lost.
Don't think I'll give in.
Your love may be divinely inspired because you yourself are tired.
But you, please tell me you have some human love left, and...
don't give up on me.

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I Contact

Permanent Linkby DealingWithIt on Wed Jul 06, 2011 1:28 am

how do you say, “This is serious”
without using the words?
how do you not be a drama queen,
but let people know
what's going on
Even if all this is just me learning I'm human...
I don't quite know that yet, and you need to acknowledge this overzealous sense of despair
from my heart that feels so delicately breakable
--and it is, and it's a rite of passage into humanity...
but I don't know that yet.

so meet me down where I am, where your love (which touches me most when it touches dust)
can give me a breath in my soul, a touch of colour,
and then I can start to meet your eyes at least if not the blue of the sky yet

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