Sorry - I am being a bad blogger atm. Things have not been great as I know some of you know and I have been struggling a little bit.

I cut the other day - things had been building up and something happened to tip me over the edge. I have managed not to cut since tho which is good tho I am struggling to throw the blades away I feel really bad for cutting but my therapist pointed out that I have not thrown everything away. She likens the good we have achieved in our relationship to sugar in tea. You cannot take sugar out of tea and what I have learnt in therapy cannot be unlearnt. It sounds wise - I hope she is right.

Doing loads of music still tho really should be practising for the gig more than I am atm. I have a lot of work to do and I am struggling to motivate myself to do it.

I do wonder if my mood is dipping after a while being a little on the high side - my motivation is less, I am sleeping loads and the cutting is something which I should not really be ignoring even tho that seems like what I want to do about it.

Anyhow huge hugs to you all - I hope you are well

Cracked

Wow - a week since my last blog - oops.

So what has happened? Got voted into the PCC lol - it will be interesting to see what that is all about. I dont think I am a typical PCC candidate so we shall see. I think there are a couple of spots only for a year so I might take one of them and see what it is like. Plus that might chill out ppl at church in case they are worried about me being on it. Mum says she thinks I will be good at it but I am not so sure...

Did more music yesterday - Choir guy has come up with a wonderful arrangement to one of the songs I am doing and has taken it up a tone making it easier to sing which is good. The other two songs are going well too tho I am trying to work on my performance, dynamics and adding breath to my voice. There is a lot to think about for sure.

I still have secrets on my mind atm and things to worry about. Maybe one day I will just say it all.

Thanks for all the love re my lithium btw - I am feeling better with it now having drunk a swimming pool full of water lol.

Huge hugs to you all

Cracked

I had a really nice morning today. We have a choir gig coming up in May at a local theatre and the choir guy asked me to come to rehearse as he wants me to do some of my own songs in the gig. We spent time me strumming some of them and discussing them together then picking some out. He was really lovely about my stuff and that means a lot to me as it is all really important to me. We decided on some and one of them he like so much he is talking about doing an arrangement of for choir which is really really cool

The plan is that I am going to do 2 of them acoustically on my own with a guitar and vocals then the other (the one he might do for choir) he is going to get him and his band to accompany me with. I am kind of glad too as it is quite hard to play leaving me free to focus on vocals and also him and his band are AMAZING and it will be so cool to perform with them

After that I bumped into a friend and her baby on the high street and had coffee and caught up with her. Then this evening I had a meeting about a street party for the Jubilee which was nice.

Tom I have choir and then have another meeting where my vicar wants me to stand for the PCC and I have been proposed and seconded LOL!!! Well we shall see.

Anyhow the music stuff today has really pleased me and I had a lovely time. i have been practising loads since I got home and I am really hopeful it will go well. All the songs I am doing are dear to me for different reasons. ooh and I get to play a Tanglewood

Hugs all

Cracked

Well you need to find a voice to say things that is for sure. But I am talking about the TV program. I am such a sucker I was watching it tonight and crying - one guy was so so good. I know that it is probably cleverly designed to make me feel like that but he was amazing. I am getting dangerously addicted to this program.

The other thing is I have something I need to tell ppl but it is quite a big thing tho I dont think ppl would think any different of me. I just need to be sure before I say it to ppl. I want to say it to you guys in 2D as well as my 3D friends and family but I dont think it is time to yet - it just weighs on me a bit having a secret.

Anyhow I hope you are all well

Sending hugs

Cracked

I really like someone. They are really amazing. I am not like this usually at all but I have become all mushy.

It is early days and things are complicated but I do like them a lot.

I have that butterfly feeling.

Well time will tell.

I know I am putting myself at risk of being hurt but I think I would rather experience feeling like this and then getting hurt than not feeling like this at all.

Hugs to all

Cracked