I missed my bunch of fellow crazies...

So I have a little story from today. A guy came round doing charity work and asked me what I did. I told him my job and that i was off work sick and he asked why. I replied I was bipolar and he asked what that was. I said manic depression. At which point he visibly recoiled from me and asked seriously if he was safe. This was a young well educated guy at university. I felt like saying no, I am going to stab you! In the end what can you do but laugh?

Well I am up again in the middle of the night. Sleep hygeine out the window. Just not tired so guess I will have to wait til I am. I tried bed but no joy.

Will write properly later but that is it for now.

Bye bye

Cracked

Writing that made me remember a ?Garfield sticker that said another day another dozen donuts. Now I want a donut.

Was thinking about music again, sound like a broken record (no pun intended) and how we are singing Man In The Mirror in choir and how I never really have got Michael Jackson. I dont dislike most of his music but I dont get why he was soooooooooooooooooooooo famous. I have probably offended about a billion ppl now but oh well. I also dont get The Smiths and Morissey. And I like to think my taste in music is reasonable, perhaps I need to get reeducated.

The woman who stayed with me phoned me up again today wailing down the phone again. Saying no one cared or understood what she was going through. That bugged me as I do care and I certainly understand. She put me in a difficult position as well, she asked me if I love her. I cant say no to someone crying down the phone to me but I really dont know her that well.

Well I am not here this weekend and possibly part of next weekend too so I am feeling a bit weird about that. This place is such a part of my life and I am getting separation anxiety I think! Not really, but I will miss the place. Please all be good in my absence! Hehehe.

I am signing out then. See you Monday.

Cracked

Well last night was eventful. I've been feeling so triggered my therapist was calling at 9. At around 5 someone who I met in hospital was deposited at my door wailing and howling. I got her in and she calmed down. She is getting a lot of secondary gain from the behaviour she is exhibiting. I tried not to give in to that.

I tried to tell her that no one else can get her better than herself. Ppl can help and support her but she also has to help and support herself.

She ended up staying the night.

It was difficult to talk to my therapist then go back to talking to her and trying to sort this mess out when I was running over therapy stuff in my head.

Today has been a bit of a blur.

Part of me thinks that I should be kind and soothing to her when she cries but I just think she needs some tough love, the way she behaves. But this is easier said than done.

I feel like a mean person but then I guess I did take her in, calm her down, feed her and give her a bed for the night so perhaps I am not as mean as I think. Maybe it is better to tell her the truth than console her, but it makes me feel bad.

Sorry this is probably a lot of incoherant babble.

I hope ppl are having good (insert relevant time zone here).

Cracked

I am not sure what is going to be the subject of choice today hence the title. I will start with how I am TIRED. I have been up since 3am and have not been able to sleep during the day as I am waiting for a meds delivery that STILL is not here. Where are my meds? Gimme them! It is very frustrating not being allowed to drive and having to depend on things like this for basic stuff. Fingers crossed soon tho, that will be good.

I have got a couple of things to organise coming up, one is to do with my counsin's graduation, coming up alarmingly soon and I still havent done anything about it. The other is a festival at the end of august, which I am really looking forward to but hope I can afford. Need to make sure I dont get admitted for mania and accidental OD of lorazepam like last year. Not good.

One of the ppl who plays every year at Greenbelt is Martyn Joseph. He is brilliant and my favouritist artist ever I think, except for maybe Raffi I am really looking forward to seeing him. I also hope Michael McDermott is there like last year. If I lived in Chicago I would see his gigs all the time.

Suddenly thought of one time I was staying in SA in a backpackers in PE. There was a band staying there playing a local gig in a pub so a group of us went along. I stayed in touch with them and next thing I know they were replacing Guns n Roses at some gig in Cape Town. And I can proudly say I slept in the same dorm as them. They were pretty good.

Well my blooming meds have not arrived yet, I dont know where they are and am getting cross.

Speaking to my therapist later, which will be good if when half asleep. I feel bad for bugging her but I need to atm.

OK time for a little distraction before I go down that route. Gonna watch me some Criminal Minds.

Will work on the cheese.

Bye all

Cracked

"Take from our souls the strain and stress and let our ordered lives confess the beauty of your peace, the beauty of your peace"

Well my peace today during a time that is not being the most easy for me was choir. We worked our butts off but it was great. There is such power in singing in a group, esp when everyone is friends and supports each other. I dont know if I have mentioned it so forgive me if I repeat myself, but my choir is made up of staff, service users, carers and friends of the local MH trust. It is a wonderful place to be accepted and learn from each other plus have some fun. I even dont think twice about wearing short sleeves there.

We worked on a couple of pieces today, I'm Going All The Way, and Man In The Mirror. "Our" song is Something Inside So Strong, which we have done since the beginning. I am lucky enough to have a solo in that.

So it goes to show that even when life gets tough as it sometimes does there are always bright sparks along the way. Man I think that is the cheesiest thing I have ever written, sorry!

Bye for now.

Cracked