It's not easy love, but you've got friends you can trust,
Friends will be friends,
When you're in need of love they give you care and attention,
Friends will be friends,
When you're through with life and all hope is lost,
Hold out your hand cos friends will be friends right till the end

I love that song. Today it was reinforced to me what good friends I have. I dont have many as I lost a lot when I got ill but I am so lucky to have friends who accept me fully. Being able to share with ppl and trust them and know they trust you is so rewarding. Sorry gush fest over

Well today I did this Q&A thing for the volunteers at the music thing I am part of where I was quizzed about mental health and my experiences. It went well but actually brought up a few triggers that I was not expecting. i did not share anything I thought i would be uncomfortable sharing but I came home feeling a little churned up so I have been working on that. I also got asked to write an article about psychforums for their newsletter so that is good - just have to think what to say now!

Well as per usual I am wide awake at a time when I should be in bed but I can't sleep - not that sitting in front of the telly and computer helps...

I hope you all have friends too.

Cracked

Secrets are tricky things. Knowing when to keep them to yourself and when to tell ppl is difficult. I am not sure I have perfected this yet as I often think I should share things when perhaps I shouldnt or vice versa. It is a work in progress. I am not sure what the answer is except to get to know myself better and learn to judge situations better too. Hmmm.

Well today I am helping out at the Fair Trade stall at church for the first time and am a bit nervous about it as going to be serving ppl and all that jazz. Lots of face time which is not necessarily my forte but at least will introduce me to more ppl.

Then I am going to lunch at my Granny's house. Her friend will be there and that is also difficult as I am not really in the mood but it will be nice to see Granny. See I keep secrets from her too like the abuse and SH but I believe it is for her own good.

Anyhow hope you are all OK.

Hugs

Cracked

Rosie Bunny died earlier today and I laid her to rest. I am really sad but she is peaceful at least. Thank you for being so supportive.

Cracked

Rosie Bunny is fading away. She has a chest infection and the vet wanted to put her down but said she is not suffering so I said no as I want to give antibiotics a chance. She is now not taking anything by mouth and I am trying to syringe it into her mouth but she can't swallow.

Some friends just looked in on her and they agree she is not suffering and that she will fade away soon.

I love her so much. She is 8 and I have had her since she was a little baby, I used to carry her around in my hoodie pocket, she loved that. And we snuggle.

I have been cuddling her and stroking her and making sure she knows she is loved. This is so difficult. In a way I just want it to be over, but I also dont want her put down in case a miracle happens.

I have even thought about cutting but I wont.

I just love her so much and she is my companion.

Cracked

Good stuff first. I have a gig in a bit which will be fun tho it is in a crap venue, but the fun will be the performance and seeing my friends. Also got a couple of interviews coming up about one of the music projects I am involved with - need to plan what to wear!

Did my group stuff today too, which was good as I was feeling really triggered and it helped.

I had a couple of triggers, one was a terrifying flashback dream not about the bad abuse in Africa but about someting that happened a couple of times when I was back in the UK. I have never felt it that bad - I am not even sure I have told my therapist but in the dream I could really feel how terified and confused I was and how much I wanted him to get off me.

The other thing that is on my mind for some reason is that in Africa the students at the college used to carve cuts into their faces as a cultural thing and they did it in front of me as they thought it was funny and thretened to cut my face - I was so scared.

So I woke up this am feeling very out of sorts. But a good friend has helped me out and I feel better now and looking forward to music.

Much to talk to therapist about...

Hope you are all OK

Cracked