I realised how far I have come just now with a random thing happening. Sebastian the naughty kittie slipped off my knee and as he fell cut the middle of my palm quite deep with his claw. In the past this would have made me want to cut more and in all likelihood I would have done - but now I am just annoyed it happened and I want it to heal quickly so it stops bugging me. I think this is a real step forward and am pleased with it. Saw my Uncle today as well and he said I am doing great which is really good to hear. He also gave me a stellar piece of advice when I was talking about med fiddling - "Don't fu*k with paradise" - so will remember that. So overall things seem to be pretty good - at least from the self harm pov and I think also from the mood pov on the whole. I thought if I blogged about it then it would remind me that things can be good if I slip up at any point, and also just wanted to note it.

Hope you guys are all well

Hugs

Cracked

Well I had a haircut today by a suitably square nailed trainee hair dresser. I was quite chilled about it til she started telling the main hairdresser her plan - at which point the main hairdresser said something like "ooh no, that would look awful". I was slightly dubious at this point about my hairdresser's skills but thought well it cant be worse than the haircut my sister recently gave me lol - which was pretty good for an amateur but not the best. So I let her do it. And it has come out pretty nice I must say. I never thought I would risk it esp as I dont have the hair that is esy to chop and style - but it has come out pretty. So all is good.

In other news Sebastian got debollocked today - which involved some bravery on his part for sure. He has already removed his vet collar and is stumbling round the house stoned bless him. I am not sure we are friends atm lol.

Hope you are all well

Hugs

Cracked

You know who you are and I suspect I know who you are too. I want you to know that what you did is not going to phase me and I am going to get on with my life. I feel sorry for you that you have to get your kicks in life by doing spiteful things like what you did to me but I am sure you have your reasons - whether they make sense or not. A while back I would have wished you have a miserable, horrible and unhappy life but now I just feel sorry for you. I hope one day you find some happiness so you dont have to continue behaving as you did towards me.

Now get lost and stay out of my life

Cracked

I am realising I have a short attention span. This can be seen by my incessant need to change my avi one hundred times a day. As well as all sorts of detritus of failed projects in my life that seemed so promising but ended up being just another thing I got bored of. I think this is a BP thing tho it probably is all sorts of other things too. I like to think it makes me interesting But why do I get bored so easily? There is a lot of fun and good in life and am I missing out on smelling the roses? Tho I think that it could be argued that I am experiencing more of life and therefore having more excitement by constantly changing what I am doing. Is this my life tho? Am I destined to be forever looking for the next fix? Will I ever settle down? Do I even want to? Perhaps even if I had been well I would not have stuck at things as maybe this is just a character trait of mine- certainly it is one my Grandpa had and I think I am pretty similar to him. Anyhow I am off to search for avis - I have found this really cool one...

Hugs all

Cracked

The UK is all shocked atm about a famous entertainer and philanthropist most likely being a serial child sexual abuser. He died not too long ago and these accusations seem to have shocked everyone - although there also seems to be a certain amount of resignation that this happened from what I can see. I have to say tho that I had my suspicions before he died. Just a vibe I got. I cant explain it. Perhaps those of us who have been abused have some sort of radar for this - I dont know. Anyhow it is leading to quite a lot of discussion about sexual abuse and how it needs to be dealt with and responded to. It is a sad sad state of affairs with Savile but at least it is precipitating conversations that really need to be had. Perhaps it will also allow some ppl to come forward and tell someone about their own abuse rather than living in silence about it. I hope so.

Hugs

Cracked