Saying "peace" at the end of a post

Using animated smilies

Massive threads telling everyone how we are feeling

Ask a question, answer a question

Renaming urls to some thing meaningful

Blogs in signatures

Ppl posting 2 meaningless messages before spamming

(((Hugs)))

Care to add any to my little list ?

I am hopefully going in the right direction. I have been on my increased meds for a couple of weeks now and whilst things are not good I dont think they are getting worse anymore.

Someone very wise pointed out to me I am likely not actually suicidal rather I want to be looked after. And whilst I am worried about the secondary gain aspect of that I think she is right probably. If I truly wanted to die I would be dead.

This episode has hit me pretty hard and I feel like I have had a rather public meltdown on this forum but I am very grateful for all the support and kindness I have been offered. I really hope normal service will resume shortly.

I hope you are all well.

Hugs

Cracked

Dont read this if you dont want to read about someone feeling sorry for themselves.

I am in a really rubbish position atm.

I am low and feeling awful with suicidal thoughts at times and some very risky plans

When I tell ppl about the risky plans I get home treatment team and it goes in my notes

My psych uses my notes to write reports for the GMC and to inform my GMC supervisor who also advises the GMC and tells me if I can work or not (not atm).

If things get worse with the GMC it could go to a fitness to practise panel hearing where I could be suspended or struck off potentially.

My family value me for my job a great deal and I feel like a failure, goodness knows what would happen if I got struck off.

If I bring up the issue of drug addiction it will go in my notes and then the GMC will become involved.

My psych does not like my therapist and thinks in addition to BP I have BPD and I need to see PD services instead. If I go I lose my trusted therapist and the GMC take a very dim view on PD. However they also take a dim view on me ignoring my psych's advice.

I dont know if I have included everything but these are some of the issues I am currently dealing with. Things would certainly be a lot easier without the GMC.

Hope all are OK

Hugs

Cracked

I went to church today and there was a very moving service, but I felt very selfish as for a lot of it all I could think about was how rubbish things are for me atm. I tried to bring it back to thinking obout the soldiers but I struggled.

I told home treatment team about it - they are the crisis team and they said not to beat myself about it as the point is I got dressed and made it to church. Plus I have just had a bath which is good.

Friday was an awful day which I am still reeling from but I am trying to not focus on it too much - when I do it just makes me feel bad.

I want to thank you all for your ongoing support atm, I really really appreciate it and am very thankful.

I hope you are all OK

Hugs

Cracked

I think I am spiraling

I am really low from a bipolar pov. I have had my meds upped but they have not kicked in yet so things are tough. I really hope they kick in as I dont want to get worse. I was so unmotivated yesterday I cancelled my CPN which is a really bad thing to have done. I hope I am not in the proverbial for it too.

I cant sleep - have been up since half one and still awake but unable to do anything as brain seems to have come to a standstill.

Really craving getting out of my face and imagining all the ways I could achieve this but none of them are good so I cant.

Really triggered from an event on Sunday that has pinged me into abuse mode

And trying to get on with it all

Hugs

Cracked