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Had the talk with my ex
I spoke to my ex on how I feel about our relationship. It ended up being more awkward than I expected, but I’m hoping I at least cleared the air. I told him I really value his companionship, that I even enjoy his physical affection. I also explained there’s nothing romantic or sexual about my enjoyment of it. He seemed confused and I probably didn’t articulate it the best. I still can hardly put it to words very good. I made it clear that I still don’t want to enter a relationship with him again. Yet I also want what we have to continue, but I don’t want him to think I’m leading him on or anything. That even if he understands that, I’d hate for him to develop any feelings for me that I can’t reciprocate. Like I said, it was rather awkward. It shouldn’t have been since we’re both adults, but it was. Anyway, he says he understands and that won’t be a problem. I can only hope so. He immediately went and tested the waters, if you will, on what physical affection he can get away with by rubbing and patting my back - something he used to do all the time while we were together. It made me feel happy and relaxed. I really hope this can continue and ultimately work out.
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