All day I have him talking to me in my head. Telling me how I wanted it, how I liked it, how I asked for it. It's my fault. A part of me tells me this and the worst bit is I still believe it, after all this time I believe every word he said.
I've just came back from holiday and it was nice until it came to sex, I'm still not good in that area. It makes me feel disgusting and wrong. Even worse if I actually enjoy it. I did on holiday, I did the rare thing of a female ejaculation and I felt awful and now all day long I have him telling me how I enjoyed everything he did because I came for him. I know I enjoyed it with my boyfriend but I didn't want it with my uncle, I told him to stop a few times but he was too strong for me. And while I hear him in my head all I can think is someone please stop this, please just make him stop, I can't handle this any more. It's making my happy time go down hill a bit which isn't nice but most of the time I try to ignore it.
Inside I'm crying, inside I'm screaming, inside I'm fighting. But outside I'm... me. I want to talk to him, I want to tell him that it wasn't right. Tell him he's made me so insecure and that I've tried everything to make him stop, I am now obese as the futile attempts that if I am fat he will find me as disgusting as I find myself. It didn't work and now I try to be healthy and lose weight I really struggle.
I just wish he wasn't in my head any more, I wish I could leave him behind instead of carrying him with me.

Honey it was not your fault and I am so sorry you are dealing with this all. It is not surprising sex is getting muddled in your head. Nothing should have been done to you and I am so sorry you cannot get this out of your head. I hope posting it here has helped a bit in getting it out of your head. Thinking of you.

Cracked