I had a dream the other night that I was fired from my job for smoking pot while working (something I would never do). Instead of my normal feeling of dread and failure, I felt a sense of relief and positivity for the future.

This job has aggravated me for the last few years, but it's the one thing I've been able to focus on for almost 5 years, probably to the point of being obsessive (much to the dismay of the people in my department...) But in the last few years we've had a change in management to the effect of focusing on $$$ and less on the well-being of the pets in our care. Long story short, I've adopted the mantra of the less I care (about the crap that everyone else is doing), the easier it is to make it through the day. And that alone breaks my heart because I've always been a dedicated employee wherever I work. I've known for a while now that staying where I am is not beneficial for my future, but I'm afraid of change and afraid of feeling like a failure by giving up on this place. So I haven't looked elsewhere.

Back to my dream: I felt so excited after having been fired because it gave me the opportunity to focus on the possibilities of the future.

I'm pretty convinced this is my subconscious telling me it's time to move on. Now I'm trying to figure out where to go from here... I don't necessarily want to get fired, but I'm having a hard time focusing on both "finding my bliss" and trying to get through the days at my current job. There's a part of me that would love to quit and take a month off to explore my options, find some peace and work on myself, but then I worry that I won't be productive. I think it will come down to finding a happy medium, but either way, it's time to move forward.

This time of year is always frustrating for me. I'm happy to see my family, but at the same time it makes me sad. My family doesn't really understand me. They try to, but I know it's hard for them. They can't fix me and it's not their responsibility to make accommodations to include me. So I usually end up trying to find ways to be alone because interacting with everyone all day during holidays in the "normal" way is so exhausting.