so tired of this 'teenage angst' mess; I'll try to stop those blog posts.

Socialized today, but I realized I'm relying on the facade I've been hoping to not need anymore. The entire time I was some strange mix of drop dead tired and hypo; just all over the place.

Wasn't able to contact my bio-father this week. Torn between disappointment, and some degree of relief, as previous contacts have brought up active suicidal feelings.

Spoke with my mom this morning, feeling guilty for not putting up the facade of not being depressed; I hate upsetting other people. They don't deserve it.

Have realized that I'm not startled/ worried about the feelings of self hate/etc, sh, suicide; I think a healthier person would be.

It's been interesting posting my thoughts up here; I've never done a blog before. I don't know why I'm posting any of this, or how much longer I will continue to.