I have never told someone about my abuse. No one knows, and it's being kinda hard for me to keep up with this. But today, I've tried...I've told my mother. Little by little. Sure, I still HAVEN'T said who abused me and how it went. I said that something "really bad" happened when I was younger and how it affected me. She asked what was it. But I couldn't continue talking about it. I'll going to tell her tomorrow or this weekend. But finally! I've said something!
But this man keep haunting me. Everyday. I've screamed last night while I was sleeping. I just a kid again and he was trying to do everything again. When he touched me I've screamed and woke'd up. It was really bad. I was even afraid of sleeping again. I want to forget about all of this but it looks like I can't.
At least I'm way better than before. And I hope this feeling of fear go away, soon.

Oh, that cat, the loved one. He's little- actually, he's just a baby. He's cute! He is so...awesome! The perfect cat?
Well...everyone think he's adorable! But to be sincere...HE'S THE PURE EVIL, MAN! Evil mind!
I have some stuffed toys in my room. That cat seems to know that, he smell that, HE WANT TO KILL THEM! I cannot let them alone with this f***ing cat! I'm afraid I'll come home and they'll have their hearts ripped by those evil-cute claws!
He's evil, man, evil. He hates me! He bite me because I don't want he near them! He run away from me when I call him. He probably sings that old song, "It Wasn't Me" from Shaggy (luv dat song), to my mother.
And the worst is yet to come...HE WANTS TO SLEEP IN MY ROOM! No, no, no, no, no, no! NO! What can I possibly do?!
I'll kill myself, that's for sure! I can't deal with this guy anymore

My girlfriend was at my home, waiting me. When I got home...man, she was hot. Really hot! The weather was cloudy. I've decided we could try something. I mean, she wanted, I wanted, why not? I've kissed her, talked a bit, and we've moved to my room. When we got there, she said:
-Oh my god! Look at this room! It's all...****ing messed up. Sorry, but I can't. I simply can't. What about yours father's room? Couldn't we go there? - she touched my lips while asking.
Hell! I was so excited, that I couldn't say "no". I've just said:
-Sure thing, honey! Let's go there! They'll be here at night.
When we got to the room...SURPRISE! Mommy is at home! F***!
I wouldn't try anything again. What if a thunder hit my head? No. I've decided we should hang out a little. Why not? She was so beauty!
-Let's go shopping, baby! - that's what I told her.
Well... I've take a bath, got my new jacket, and when we would get outta our home, my mom asked:
-Oh, you both are going out a little? If so, take your umbrella! It might starting raining anytime, dear
-I won't bring any umbrella with me! Look at that; it's HUGE! I refuse.
Me and my girlfriend leaved.
We were waiting the bus to come when, yeah...it started raining. IT WAS HEAVY RAIN! ###$! Why I have to be so unlucky? My girlfriend was bursting out-laughing, it's not normal. She played on rain a little, when was heading home.
And well... We played some games, we've eat some foods, we talked and...we passed the whole evening together. It was a great day, actually.

Isn't it strange? Although everything I wanted to do, haven't gone out exactly as I planned, I've had one of the greatest days I've ever had.
Life can be surprising! Just live your live and who knows what might happen?

You know what's intriguing about all of that? His wife suspected about something? I mean, man, his love for children wasn't normal, she never got herself asking whether he is or not a pedo. And they had son. His son were always scared when he was near, I do remember that. But when he wasn't, the boy was pretty aggressive. But, eh...my mom haven't noticed, why his mother would, right? I'm asking myself if I should talk to that boy again. I don't know if his son is alive...I have never seen again, after we (my family) moved out. And I also don't remember of 'that man' with any other adolescent, or any adolescent at his house, really.

My dad knows nothing, my mom, too. Both of them never payed attention to me, how angry I was when I were younger. I've lied plenty of times, since I couldn't deal with any of this...my memories, those memories that haunt me and it'll continue to harm and haunt me. And you know the worst? I'm still afraid of this man. After 10 years; and I still cry. I cry every night, every time I remember him.
One saturday night, I was at his house, playing with his son, and he abused us. Telling me to do what he want. Even if I cried, he would force me to do it. One day, he even punched me on the face because I was crying. I had to lie to my mommy, otherwise, he would kill me, and he threatened me several, several times. And all I could was accepting it, although I was hoping that someone would discover it and he would be killed by someone. And well...he's still outta there. Alive.

I will stop by now. I'll probably continue tomorrow. It's hard to me, but I will. I have to do that.