This is likely the only place I could feel comfortable blogging about my … idiosyncracy. Though offending people is last thing I want to do, I must speak my truth; and, if my truth offends you, I’m sorry for your pain. But that’s the nature of the world. We all have to put our big girl/boy panties/pants on and deal with what is. I’m on your side, even if we disagree. You and I are more than our opinions.

Hesitantly and with humility, I think I am what some call a “male lesbian” – a man who would rather have been born a woman who loves women, and who feels that as a woman he could better live as his true self. I do not see myself as a “woman born in a man’s body.” I was born a man, and a man is what I am. But I believe I have a feminine soul.

I am something of a Witch – I worship a Pagan goddess of Witchcraft – and I believe in reincarnation. I suspect I have lived as a lesbian before, and that my heart yearns for that – or those – lifetime(s). Gay friends have told me that I am the “gayest straight man” they have ever met; and I have also been told that I seem to be very in-touch with my “feminine side.”

For the past 15 or so years, I have been a collector of lesbian film – not the stuff they play on Cinemax (though, to be honest, I do own a few of those), but the stuff made by lesbians for lesbians, as well as stuff made with a lesbian theme. Lesbian film speaks to me in a way that I do not understand; it’s one of the reasons I believe I have been one before.

I have recently begun acknowledging as fact my essentially feminine nature. This is changing the way I interact with other people, as well as the way I interact with myself and the world. Since embracing this feminine soul of mine, I find that my behaviors are changing, as are my interactions with others. At work today, I was working alone, and observed myself making feminine gestures – quite unlike my customary behavior.

Without conscious intent, our society basically subscribes to a Judeo-Christian framework that does not take multiple lifetimes into account. Our society is not prepared for someone like me.

We incarnate as we do for specific reasons, to learn specific lessons. From my current perspective, I would be a fool to second-guess the decision for me to incarnate as I have for this lifetime; that decision was made from a basis of understanding that is as far from my current comprehension as east is from west. No; wiser minds than mine thought I should be born male. OK. Fine. I’ve got it.

But I want to be a woman. Please, don’t make me do this again.

Interesting post! And what a coincidence!!!

I was planning on asking you about that statement in your forum post- I was reminded of a blog entry I'd made a long time ago, speculation on past lives. I compartmentalise; on one level I can't believe in reincarnation due to my theology, on the other hand it's intensely appealing. In my speculation it felt right, to decide that my previous life was as a female.