My mind is twisted.
I am convinced that I never will find anyone who will stay. I see pictures of him leaving me, saying that he can´t put up with me and my feelings, that I am too much, that he has to take care of himself.
And I see all those normal women who goes to work and earn money and they are beautiful. I see myself as I am living on welfare, and everyone sees that I am strange. I love the man really, and I want to be with him all the time, because when I am, my anxiety is gone, I am calm and happy.
When I met him I had had sex with a lot of men, fell in love with those who were nice to me, and used sex as a drug to cure my anxiety.
And my man is the most beautiful, wonderful, in my eyes he is perfect even when he is moody.

And somewhere I know....that my mind make things up. I know that I am not a bad person more than anyone else, but I cant feel it. I so much want a vacation from myself. Everyday I am alone is hell. I don´t know what to do, hate this.
Have an appointment with a psychiatrist in jan. but it feels like years away from now.