So I think I made a new friend today. Its funny because when I met him I never would have imagined that we would be friends. I dont get on with guys as a general rule. Cant shake the idea that they want something more from me than friendship. Which is a terrible way to think I know. But he needed someone to talk to and I could see that. So we ended up having coffee and he really is a nice person.

I hope that I dont freak out on him and that we can be friends. The fact that I could even be there for him shows that I must be doing a bit better at the moment. I dont know if I could have handled it a few months ago and actually its nice to forget about me for a little bit and realise that everyone has problems.

So that was the excitement of the day. Today was a good day.

So I haven't been here for a while. This is new to me. I am not sure I even know what a blog is... ok I looked it up and I think I get it....Its a bit like a diary that other people can see and make comments on too... I think. I suppose I kinda like that idea. I guess a lot of the time I just need to be heard. Maybe this is a good way to be heard.

I sorta need to go to sleep right now. It was may intention to come home from work and sleep cos have 2 x 12 hr shifts this w'end (which yeah I am doing for the wrong reason). But then a friend suggested a drink.... Its been a long time since anyone wanted to have a drink with me, I jumped at the idea. But then I spent about £70 on something to wear cos otherwise it was work clothes. Didn't even stop to think about it... Impulsive much!

I feel a little..... I dont know..... Complete opposite from depressed......Manic maybe....I am sure its not all that healthy.....I feel full of energy....But I know it won't last long and I know that I have no real clue most of the time what I am feeling (which is majorly confusing). But I at least recognise a pattern. I get this sort of high.... then a crash and burn....Sometimes its quick, sometimes it hangs about a bit. Its confusing not to know where you fit. I hope that I will get to talk to someone soon. I really need an idea of what is going on with me.

So far I know self harm, but thats a symptom of mental illness not a diagnosis right? I dont know why its so important to me but I think having an name for what I feel will help.

Ok I have to stop the waffle and sleep. God, what if no one reads this? Meh, maybe it will be good for me if they dont!