My nephew passed away yesterday. He was only 28 years old, healthy, happy, loved. He just collapsed at work and died on the way to the hospital.

I can't stop crying. I can't understand why this would happen to him. And mostly why it couldn't have been me instead. I've been ready to go for years. He was so young and had so much going for him.I cry for my brother who is devastated and lost. I cry for my children who lost a cousin who was almost like a brother to them. I cry for myself because he was like one of my own.

I feel so horrible right now. And so alone. I know I have a lot of people who care about me. But the loneliness, wanting someone who can hold me, love me and help me make it through the next few days, is almost overwhelming. And my feelings make me feel selfish. But it's there. And I don't know what to do with all of this pain and loneliness.