gona try to kick my drug use cold turkey tommoroow as im in a world of hurt. im mixed up in a world of prescription meds amd drugs to prop me up but every day is getting darker. have to either face up to life or accept im doomed to die in a world of pain. days are made up of whatever mood i can get into and its not realiaty nothing stays stable and i have to kick back into some sort of stable state or im doomed. i hope my mood meds are working to controll the highs and i can get into a stable state where ima usefull person if not then im screewed. days are getting so long livining in the past and i cant survive there. my mind is screewed by all ive taken and done and its time to blow out the bad bits. either ill survive or die. ive reached the point i have to make the leap. i doint know what is rteal anymore. i prop up on drugs to get hrough a day and thats not right. i need my mind back however it turns out. last year screwed me up so much i have lost sight of whatim suppossed to do in life if anything. i want stabiltity for the remaining years i have left. ive been bouncing about in mind hell and now is the time to stop. ive lost the people i tried to rely on and im alone. i think a mental breakdown will either kill or cure me. ive had enough of trying to make each day work on drugs i need to be me me whatever that is. god help me im going to crash out burnout and maybe come out the other side of life.i manipupulate my life with chemicals and thats not right its just hell. i wish the world well and im going for it.