I'm not. I am not. Cause Friday night, the day he went and got me that game, he loved me. I know it. I am NOT insane; he did, and it wasn't fake, it was real, because I have never been that happy in my life, I remember saying to E the next night "I don't think I've ever felt this way about anyone before. And what is impossibly wonderful is that I think he loves me back and it is the most wonderful feeling." And I'm not insane enough to have imagined that and there's no way that was Narc charm, no WAY. That was REAL. So what the ###$ happened last week to ruin it? Oh god I know I need to let this go because I'm driving myself crazy and because he thinks I am scary & dangerous and we can't come back from that. But in my heart I know that we loved each other if only just for that one night. So there is a reason I'm crying, I'm allowed to cry, I don't have to be so hard. Because I did lose something real, someone real. At least this way I won't be able to hurt him any more. Thank you god for letting me remember so that I can have peace and maybe sleep.