Well if it possible to have travelled in any every single direction and gone down every single road without actually going anywhere or moving forward that is how I would describe my life. The only thing that moves around me, back, forth, is time. Time and everybody else around me. I stop, i fall apart all over again i fall into so many holes and i can't escape the holes but maybe because what i need to escape is myself. I am my only problem in the end. I yell out for people to wait, wait up i need a friend. I need someone to help me and guide me along i can't catch up alone after they promised they would be a friend. They can't hear me call out anymore .... they don't seem to wait. Nobody seems to wait and be patient or accept... this is life. Just tell me where to go, which way, what to do i will be that person if you love me. I will make you like me. I am angry at everyone who i am not good enough for its not them its me ... i am a burden, a curse, a fraud to society people believe i am good sometimes still but i am bad, i have no long term amazing goal or talent. I whinge a lot but i am desperate bitter and over my own mistakes. I want the past fixed. It can't be fixed but people can forgive i forgive all the time even if i have 1000 grudges once fixed i am over it.

oh my gosh, i relate to this so much!

i see this was posted back in august, how are you feeling lately? a lot of the things you said about feeling very bitter over past mistakes and feeling like you are on the same loop of behavior, without progressing at all, kind of stagnant and really desperate to escape that loop, that all was so very very familiar.

are you currently seeking treatment? i was diagnosed back in november, and since then have began to take an ssri (lexapro, i think this was also for my generalized anxiety disorder, though, but i've heard it's used for BPD, as well) as well as being involved in a DBT program, and it's honestly really helped - it's not like a sudden miracle has occurred and i am competent and in control, i still fall into holes, but i'm getting there and confident that things can change

i wanted to ask you specifically about what you said, this part: " Just tell me where to go, which way, what to do i will be that person if you love me."

i'm a year into my very first relationship at eighteen, and this manifested. i believe it's a part of the identity problems - from what i've read, people with BPD can have a tendency to have their significant other become a part of their identity, which is part of the reason a break up can leave them so crushed. do you feel that its an identity thing? also, have you experienced any resentment from people when you've formed this dynamic with them?

i wish you the best of luck and that you can be a happy, healthy individual (: