You know, it's funny. I'm coasting fairly easily these days and I love it. But I know how fragile this success is. One bet and it would be all gone. I'd be right back where I left off. I don't fear that or suspect that, I kNOW that. I think we all do, deep down. That it's a hook in us for life.

Yet, when the going gets easy you tend to lose focus on the fight. Myself, I'm living again and concentrating on other things - which, in itself amazes me - and I honestly don't think about gambling anymore. At least I don't think about DOING it, but I DO think about the whole addiction and the process of breaking it.

But not as often as I maybe should.

It's a real juggling act. I fought hard to get past this brutal addiction so I could live free again, yet I'm not free. I'd have to be naive to think that I don't have to be vigilant. God knows I do. Now, maybe, more than ever.

One of the things I like to do is count how many months clean I am, but the truth is I'm simply gambling free right now. In this moment. The number of days, weeks or months behind me are past. The number ahead have yet to be counted. All I have is right now.

That makes us all equals. Regardless where you are in the struggle, we're all right here. Right now. That's all we ever have, really. Right now. That is a powerful truth that allows us to be powerful too.

For instance, right now I choose to be free. Right now I choose to be grateful. Right now I choose to reaffirm my commitment to never gamble again. Right now. That's really the secret to my being almost 9 months clean. All the 'right now's I've been given.

Each one made the next one more likely and the last one worth doing whatever it took. And if by chance the previous 'right now' was a bad one, remember that it's past already. It's gone. Don't waste this moment worrying about what no longer exists. WALLOW in the present and know that if you're not gambling at this moment, you're creating a new future - right now.

That's kind of a universal lesson, isn't it? Learning to appreciate what we have, who we are, what we can be RIGHT NOW. So many people (me included) concentrate on what we don't have, what we aren't, what we can't be. And for what? I believe there are enough enemies out there for each of us, to last a lifetime - why be a member of THAT club? I seem to have to re-learn that lesson again and again. I'm not sure why, but it always seems easier to believe the worst of ourselves instead of the best.

Well, I for one, AM going to learn that lesson again, and for as many times as I need to re-learn it. I CHOOSE to be my own friend, first, last and always. Right now.

At the moment I'm not fighting any urges and I appreciate that, but life is about more than just walking away from things, it's about choosing our paths and walking toward the things that matter. And being your own real friend is a great first step. Hell, it's a great 1,000th step too.

So my next move is NOT to celebrate being gambling free, but rather to celebrate being my own best support. My best friend. Right now. And for as many right nows as I am fortunate to accumulate in life. God knows I deserve it. God knows you deserve it.

So?

What are you going to do with your 'right now'? I know what I"m gonna do with mine.

Today I will not gamble. Never again.