It has been a while since I last blogged. I have been lazy once again. I just wanted to catch up on everything.

So, last Wednesday was a math test. I didn't do as well as I would have liked. I made a 81 on it. Fortunately, we can drop any of the tests before finals, it just adds more weight to the final, so I am probably going to do that with this one. I really don't have any excuses. I should have studied. It doesn't really matter to my grade (I would have still had a B), but he marked off 4 points for not listing what my variables represented on a related rates problem worth 10 points. What??? I don't even...

On Thursday, I took a chem test. It was cool. Chem is always cool. Not to brag or anything, but, yeah, I made the highest grade in the class (96%). Ha ha. It was kinda an ego boost, though. It is just nice to finally do well in chemistry for a change. I was so confused about it in high school, and it is nice to just understand it now. I give credit to the chem professors. She is one of the best teachers I have ever had.

On the chem test, though, something not so good did happen. My lab partner was having some family issues and had to talk to the professor about not being able to take the test. I didn't want to eavesdrop, but I did "overhear" some stuff, and she was saying that something had happened, and she hadn't been able to sleep at all the night before, and something. She was pretty upset for a few day, but she was better today, so that was good. She said everything was worked out, so that is a relief.

Other than that... I have been playing video games a lot recently. A lot, a lot. I bought Deus Ex: HR a few weeks ago, and I have been playing it daily. It is a really fun game. There is a lot to explore, and it still gives me the same feeling of wonder/fascination that Deus Ex: IW gave me when I was younger, and that is kinda rare in games these days. Only a few series can still do that (TES being one of them. I plan on playing Skyrim after I get done with Deus Ex.)

Let's see, what else?

Saturday, I went to my dad's house. We were eating lunch in the dining room (me, my dad, and my step-mom). We were eating tacos, and my dad was putting cherry tomatoes on his taco and saying "One tomato, two tomato, three tomato, four, five tomato, six tomato, seven tomato, more" in a sing-songy voice, and when he hit the "more" part, I started laughing uncontrollably. I don't know what was so funny about it. He does stupid stuff like that all the time. I don't know why, but it was hilarious this time. My mouth was full of soda, and I had to go to the sink because it was coming out of my mouth. I kept laughing for a few minutes, then calmed down, and ate my taco. But then, when I was finished, the image popped into my head again right when I went to get a swallow of my drink, and the process happened again. I was dieing laughing for about 5 minutes, and I had no idea why. My laughing made everyone else laugh, and we were all laughing so hard. It was and experience. Then it happened again when I went to drink after eating a piece of leftover cookie cake. The last time wasn't so fun, though. My stomach was sore from laughing, and it was hurting, and that only made my parents laugh at me more, and perpetuated the laughing. So, yeah, unique experience there.

Sunday, after rock climbing, we went to subway as usual. There is always the same girl that works there. She is pretty cool, and we share a name, so that is pretty cool. She's also pretty cute Not that I like her like that really, but I would hug her. She is really nice and she is quiet. When my crazy family(Mom and step-dad side) is being chaotic, and she is just looking at them, it is hilarious. It is the same way that I feel. Then, when we were choosing bread, we all chose the same kind except for me. We were going down the line, and everyone was saying "[a]", "[a]", "[a]", and I said "[b]" and she said "Ah, so close!" That was especially funny to me since I had watched Monk the day before (One of the best shows in the world, by the way), and there was a radio station they were talking about, it it was station 99.9, and Monk said "Ah, so close." I don't know, she is just cool. Like I said, would hug and befriend. I hope she is happy in life

On the way home, however, I tried to bring up the therapist thing to my parents. Not so good. They were arguing that a therapist does more harm than good. They said that "there is a reason why your mind suppresses things, you don't need to dig them up again, or you just get more crazy", and "some people go the therapists, and they end up more crazy afterwards", and "I have never seen a therapist actually help anyone.", and when I brought up that maybe it would be a good idea for me to see one just to help with anxiety and stuff, they said that I "worry too much," and "there is nothing wrong with you". Isn't worrying too much something that is wrong with me? -_- I guess it is partially my fault for always pretending that I am fine around them, so that I can avoid the conflict/stress of talking about problems to them, but it doesn't look like I will be getting to go to a psych any time soon. I still think it would be best to go to one. I think I am getting better in a sense, but I am still not healthy. It would at least be worth a try, I think. But there won't be any convincing my parents of that. I think the testimony for therapists comes from my families. My stepmom was extremely messed up, and now goes to a therapist. She still isn't fully "cured", but now she is at least no longer afraid to leave the house, and I have seen huge improvements in her behavior. My mom has never been to a psych. She has anxiety (I would probably say some sort of PD nos or schizotypal pd, but I think it actually probably in the normal range, I am just really sensitive to it). My step-dad is diagnosed with anxiety and has meds for it, but doesn't take them. He tries to fix it without the meds, but it is still apparent. Although I respect him for trying to take care of it without relying on meds, he just latches onto self-help crap and doesn't actually get anywhere with it (because it is all self-help crap written by "gurus" out to scam people like him). They both have an extreme idea of self-reliance (slightly different from my idea of it, but it is probably where I got my value of it from) and the thought that we all have complete control over everything we do. I don't think they even realize how crazy they are. That and they are filled with so much BS about how they think we are all so much smarter than everyone else, so we aren't the crazy ones, everyone else it. I don't know. This family is killing me slowly. I can't tell if this is just that natural teenage "wanting to get away from your family" thing, or if it is legitimately doing me mental harm. I don't feel the same way about my father and step-mom, and I don't know if that validates it or is just because I don't live with them all the time.

Finally, today was pretty good. It was nice and relaxing. I figured out why my laptop wasn't spell-checking... no language was selected for the spell checker in firefox... silly me. I have been in a pretty good mood today, though.

This weekend, I am going to go to the mountains with my dad and step-mom. That should be fun. I love mountains. The scenery is always so awesome.

I love the show Monk, one of my favorites

It sounds like your parents are strongly anti-therapist. I guess you have to decide if it is something worth arguing over. Random question, but do you know if your parents have ever been to a therapist themselves? Maybe they had a bad experience and feel it would be the same for you? If you think therapy would help you, I encourage you to keep working towards it.

[quote="rootbeer"]I love the show Monk, one of my favorites

It sounds like your parents are strongly anti-therapist. I guess you have to decide if it is something worth arguing over. Random question, but do you know if your parents have ever been to a therapist themselves? Maybe they had a bad experience and feel it would be the same for you? If you think therapy would help you, I encourage you to keep working towards it.[/quote]

Thanks for the comment, and nice to see you back (unless you were doing better, and then you had a relapse, and that is why you are back. It wouldn't be good if that was the case.)

My mom has never been to a therapist, but she is pretty insensitive about that kind of stuff in the first place. She also once said that people who kill themself are stupid or ungrateful, and there is never a point where anyone should want to kill theself because no matter how bad it gets, there are people worse off, etc.

My stepdad has been to a psychiatrist, but I don't know if he has had ever attempted therapy. To my knowledge he only ever took SSRIs. He started that after marrying my mom, and I don't remember him doing any therapy kind of stuff.

The funny thing is that, a few months ago, my mom didn't seem so strongly opposed. I don't know.

Monk is great. I want to get the whole series and watch all of them. I looked it up, and it has 8 seasons. Excellent!

I would say I've been doing about the same, some depression stuff kept me away, but recent struggles have turned me back here for the support I can get from the forum. I see using the forum as a positive thing, because it means I am interacting with others, even if it is online and not in person.

Hopefully your parents will come around. You may just have to educate them about therapy, i.e. there are many different kinds of therapy and many are proven via empirical research to help people. Sometimes too parents will blame themselves, like "if my child is seeking therapy, I must have done something wrong," so that could be another reason they are anti-therapy for you.

I like the underlying message of Monk, he has multiple phobias that are debilitating, but it is the phobias that allow him to see the world differently and solve crimes. As Monk would say, "it's a gift...and a curse." Basically, mental illness may make us different, but those differences can sometimes be a strength. I think that because of AvPD I am sometimes more observant and more sensitive to others.