I just wrote down six of my abusers. I look at the list and think how is this possible? i am sure others have had worse, but I mean how is it possible for me. I wanted the perfect little life, but very few times in my life I wasn't being abused by somebody. It was sexually, physically, and emotionally abused. No wonder I feel the way I do about myself. This is a pattern on not setting boundaries and limits. I could have stopped a lot of these things from happening . I can't believe I did all of this. Then I told myself lies about my life. I told myself that everything was the way it needed to be. The truth is I have a big mess to clean up.

You said "This is a pattern on not setting boundaries and limits"...

I imagine that some of your abuse happened when you were a child? If that is the case, you wouldn't have learned what proper boundaries and limits should have been because the abuse would have skewed your view of that. Therefore you can't blame yourself for not setting boundaries and limits when you were older, as it was something you were never taught in the first place. It is only natural for you to minimize the abuse in your mind, given your history, as that is the only way you would have known how to deal with it when you were younger. None of this is in any way your fault. They were the ones in the wrong...